Holding It T o g e t h e r , Not Just For Y o u r s e l f
by MARTIN image by ABBIE ROWE W hen death comes— whether suddenly or AYALA expectedly—our bodies and minds often perform an al- most inaudible negotiation. We curve, we bend, we steady ourselves. We hold it together. But why does composure so often arrive before tears?
Modern grief research shows that in moments of loss, the nervous system frequently shifts into a protective, task-fo- cused state. Stress hormones rise, emotional intensity tempo- rarily dulls, and the brain pri- oritizes function over feeling. Neuroscientist and grief re- searcher Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, whose work at the University of Arizona focus- es on the brain’s response to
loss, explains it simply in her 2022 book The Grieving Brain: “Grief is a form of learning — the brain has to slowly up- date its predictions about the world after someone is gone.” In the earliest moments of loss, the brain hasn’t caught up yet. It still expects the person to re- turn. That mismatch creates shock, numbness, and a strange clarity that allows people to
Candlelight Magazine
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