Confessions of a payroll manager – Don’t lose your head
Another episode in a series of occasional yet insightful / inciteful, anonymous and whimsical reports revealing the arcane, weird and sometimes torturous world of payroll frequented by payroll professionals. T he relative quiet in the office last Friday was disrupted when a call came through shortly before we closed. Generally, late calls are Mr Crumbitt pretending to have a payroll query but wanting to chat about his bunions. But this time it was a call for me from a recruitment head hunter. Introducing himself as Clark Forster, an executive search consultant from a company called Dynamix, he’d seen my LinkedIn page and was very impressed. Though I hadn’t looked at it for a while, I was fairly confident I must have changed my profile picture from the one of me grinning with a whole Crumbitt Crumbtastic in my mouth to something more ‘appropriate’. After confirming who I was, Clark launched into a lengthy description of Hot Yellow, an exciting new company, that had hired him to find ‘fabby’ – his words, not mine – team members for them. With at least three of my team having an ear on my conversation – they’d often step in when Mr Crumbitt’s phone calls looked likely to last until teatime – I could only give yes and no answers and hope that Clark didn’t think my LinkedIn page was a scam and he’d gotten through to a robot. Clark asked if I’d be interested in going along to the company offices on the other side of town for a meeting and explained
they were looking for a dynamic leader to transform their transactional processing team. He’d noticed in my profile on Crumbitt’s new website that I had led my team through auto-enrolment, real time information and pensions reform and said I was just what they needed. As the rest of the team had now left – reassured by my thumbs-up and wafting of my hand towards the door in an encouraging motion – I gave Clark my home email address and arranged to meet Monday at 6.30 pm allowing just enough time to finish work and arrive without rushing. I sat for a while at my desk, looking around the office – a place I knew as well as my home. It was incredibly flattering to have such an amazing opportunity offered but I’d never even considered leaving Crumbitt’s. Still, flattery is a powerful thing and curiosity even more so. Even though I was happy at Crumbitt’s there was a little niggle in me that questioned – could I be even happier? Could there be something more exciting for me? All weekend I weighed the pros and cons. My head was in turmoil and more than once I nearly emailed Clark to cancel. However, I needed to know what was out there and what was on offer. Monday was an awkward day in the office and I was horribly aware of acting oddly. I was nervous and, most strangely, refused two offers of a cup of tea. My stomach was in knots with guilt about keeping something from my team and nerves about the upcoming meeting. Finally, I made my way across town to the offices of Hot Yellow. Taking a seat in
reception I flicked through a copy of CIPP’s magazine and saw a photo of me and the Crumbitt’s payroll team celebrating National Payroll Week. It all felt a little surreal, and the guilt started again. I was collected by the chief executive and the head of human resources who were lovely people. I told them about my current team and the workplace and gave examples of improvements we’d made and the crises we’d got ourselves through. But while talking I could see their faces dropping and I could tell my passion for Crumbitt’s and my loyalty to my team was coming through loud and clear. The conversation was polite and friendly, but something had changed – not just for them, but for me too. I knew then that even if they offered me the post I wouldn’t accept it. I belonged at Crumbitt’s, and they knew it too. The next day Clark very nicely told me that Hot Yellow thought I was great but that it wasn’t the right time to offer me the role. The sense of relief I felt confirmed what I already knew. When saying goodbye to my team as they left the office I reflected that though a little flattery is nice it’s important to appreciate what you have, even if it’s a little rough around the edges. As Mr Crumbitt always says: “A broken biscuit still tastes the same as a whole one”. o The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | June 2018 | Issue 41 52
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