Facebook Post November 24, 2025 By Debbie Wilkie
Debbie Wilkie
In the months and years following my husband’s death, I spent a fair bit of time trying to imagine what my future would look like. It never occurred to me that I would be living alone this early in life. To be clear, I don’t know enough words to adequately express how grateful I am that I am a mother, grandmother, sister, and friend, and therefore have the gift of knowing the difference between being alone and lonely. But those relationships
what skills, if any, I had that might be useful. I also knew that before I could think seriously about doing that kind of volunteer work, I had to be in a healthier place where I could ensure I could actually be of service to others and was capable of refraining from internalizing other people’s sadness, fear, and pain. Essentially, I had to know that I could make the work be about meeting the needs of others and not just my own. While this idea remained buried in the recesses of my mind for a few years, it also served as a tangible goal that gave me something concrete and meaningful to work towards, as I strove to find my emotional equilibrium and curate my life anew. The moment that I knew I was ready to begin, I couldn’t make it happen fast enough. I was so eager to start my training even though I still wasn’t certain what role I was meant to play. From my first phone call to inquire about the process of becoming a volunteer to actually start my training, I was introduced to some of the most compassionate, competent, encouraging and kind people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. I spent my career working in the legal field where continuing training and education was mandatory and an active part of my professional life. But the level of practical training that I received as a hospice volunteer was beyond anything I had ever experienced before. It wasn’t just that the subject matter was obviously different, it was that the level
are vastly different than the ones experienced between intimate life
partners. Willie and I were both planners and while we made sure we enjoyed the present moments, planning for the next chapter was always part of our relationship. As forward thinking as we both were, the future planning always included both of us. As I began to do the work that comes with grieving and accepting the fact that it was now my future instead of our future, I began to realize that I was going to have to take the foundation that we built together over the years, and mold it into something different, but equally meaningful. This became even more critical once I retired and didn’t have the luxury of spending 50 hours a week focusing on other people’s lives instead of my own. As time passed, I recalled thinking about how people could do the kind of work that the staff from The Elizabeth Hospice did as they were providing such beautiful care to my husband and our entire family in the last weeks of his life. I started to wonder if someday I would be able to become a hospice volunteer. I was mindful of my desire to give back, but at the time, I wasn’t sure in what capacity I could serve, or even
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