‘BUT I DID THIS WITH MY KIDS!’ How to Set Boundaries With Your Family
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, so when you become a parent, you’ll likely employ techniques you learned from family or friends and what you learned on your own. Naturally, these techniques and your preferences may differ from what your loved ones did for their children, and sometimes, it can be difficult for them to adjust. Because of this, how do you set boundaries with family members regarding your children? BE DIRECT WHEN COMMUNICATING BOUNDARIES. Don’t assume your loved ones know or understand your parenting style. Instead, clearly state your rules, values, practices, and expectations when others are around your children. When
creating physical boundaries, you can say, “Please don’t give my child soda when they visit. That’s something I don’t want them to have.” For emotional boundaries, you can say, “Please don’t force my child to hug you. If they refuse, give them their space without compromising their feelings and comfortability.” DEVELOP A STRATEGY FOR HANDLING PUSHBACK. “I did this with my kids, and they turned out fine!” You may have heard this quote when vocalizing your wishes to loved ones about how to treat your children. If they question your tactics, practice what you will say so you’re not caught off guard. But most importantly, remember why you’re establishing these boundaries and upholding those values.
If your loved ones fail to respect your wishes, don’t be afraid to reinforce those boundaries — it’s okay to say no! GIVE YOUR FAMILY TIME TO ADJUST. Changing and creating new habits is challenging, so give your loved ones time to adjust to your boundaries. However, if you’re continuing to reinforce your wishes and still meeting pushback and disrespect, it’s okay to distance yourself or cut ties. You have to put what’s best for you and your family first. If you have any questions or concerns about establishing boundaries with your loved ones, contact a marriage and family therapist to assist you. They can provide more insight and resources to help you during this time.
Common Causes of Co-Parenting Conflict
The start of the school year is a big transition for any family, but new routines can be especially challenging for divorced co-parents. There are plenty of opportunities for disagreement over pickups, drop-offs, extracurricular activities, grades, and more. Ideally, co-parents put aside their differences to do what’s best for their children, but many arguments end up in a family law attorney’s office. Parents disagree on all types of school issues, from clothes to vaccinations, but the most common is sports. When co-parents have differing opinions on whether their child participates in contact sports like football, the conversation can quickly get heated. Thanks to practice and games, sports are the extracurricular activity most likely to disrupt parenting plans — especially if the child is in a travel league.
slips go unsigned, and parents don’t learn of after- school events until it’s too late. We recommend getting ahead of these problems by preparing for them before they occur. Establish routines to avoid confusion and create a shared school calendar all parties can access. Schedules can also pose a problem. Ideally, every parenting plan should include details on custody both during the school year and breaks. If there are changes in parenting time, it could be emotional for parents and children. Meanwhile, a parenting plan that doesn’t address school schedules is a recipe for conflict. Discipline and performance expectations are another common issue. One parent that expects a child to do all their homework and another that lets them skip it will only confuse kids. Try to set consistent rules across households so your children know what to expect. Further, a savvy kid can manipulate differences to
Many other issues trace back to a failure to communicate. Notes from teachers get lost, permission
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