July 1926
T H E K I N G ’ S B U S I N E S S
390
drew her to me and kissed her, then went to the car line with her. It made me so happy to know that the Lord was loving her through me that many times afterward I wished that she would come again, and I used to go down the streets where I thought I might get a chance to see her. Oh, the sweetness of the vic tory. There has never been any bitter ness in my heart since. Praise the k ° r^ ‘ Triumph Over Loneliness For a number of days after I claimed this victory I felt it to be a fact; then, across my soul, as a black cloud, the awful sense of loneliness, of being de serted; forsaken, would sweep over me. I could only point to the time, on April 14th, when I had commenced to be an overcomer, and say, “Whether I feel it or not, I have the victory,” and after persistently declaring my freedom, victory would come. Now and then I would have a spell, but never would ad mit any thought but of victory, in spite of all feelings, until, finally, they ceased to come, and for years I was free. Then many years after I had some tests, and some precious experiences, of which I will tell later. At times the desire for human affection was so great it seemed to me I couldn’t live without it. For fifteen years I never remember of my husband’s leaving home without kissing me good-bye, and then to have no more affection shown me seemed to be more than I could bear. I was grateful to have my little dog kiss my hand! If I saw a couple walking together, I grieved because I had no one to walk with me, and I cried to the Lord for deliverance. I remembered a friend had told me how she used to be so exceedingly fond of little babies that she could scarcely pass a child without taking it into her arms and loving it. So hungry was her heart for children that she told the Lord if He was not going to let her have a child, that He should take away the longing for them. She said after that she did not seem to see children any more. I thought, if God can do that for her, He can take away my desire for human affection, and He did. Some years afterwards I was standing on my back porch when my neighbor came home from town. I saw her greet her husband affectionately. I just smiled and went into the house with no re membrance of what I had lost, when the Spirit seemed to say to me, “Do you see what I have saved you from?" I replied. “Oh, yes! I didn’t care, did I?” And I wondered how long since my prayer was answered. Another Temptation I had another temptation to drop from the standard of living I was maintain- (Continued on page 425)
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mine, so I wrote on the wall behind the door, “April 14th, I have the victory,” and stepped back to see if it would be noticed, by any one coming in. I felt I didn’t want any one to see it, and then the thought came, “But you hate B------ "Yes,’’ I said, “I do. How can I help it? Has she not taken my husband, broken up my home, caused me to lie awake many a night in these many months? How can I love her?” But I got a mental picture of my Saviour on the cross, suffering—oh, so much! but only saying, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” “Yes," I re plied, “You could do that, but I can’t; I cannot say I will even try to do it." Then it seemed He asked me if I would let Him love her through me. I said, “Oh, yes, I can do that,” and I left It with the Lord. About two years later she came to see me, and when I went into the room the love of Jesus for her came into my heart; I went to her and put my hand on her arm and said, “What is it, B---------?” Then she opened up her heart and cried, "Oh, if I had only come to you before,” She stayed for some time, and when she started to go I went into the reception hall with her, put out my hand to shake hands with her.
I kissed him. he wiped it off as if it were poison, but it didn’t kill my joy. I simply said, “Praise the Lord.” For three weeks it seemed I had no sorrow, and there came to me a realisation that maybe the martyrs didn’t feel the flames, as they were able to praise the Lord while in them. Down in the Valley But I didn’t stay on the mountain- top, but again came down into the val ley. Sometimes when a new trial would come, 1 would resist and think that I could not stand it, but in so doing I fould my rest and peace in the Lord would leave me, and sometimes it would be a day before I could get still enough to enquire, “Lord, where has my peace gone?” And always the answer would be, “You have failed to surrender this trial to Me.” Then I would say, “Amen, Lord; Thy will, not mine; keep me in every trial as long as ti»ere is a need and until I get the victory over it." Things became more unbearable, and it seemed my mind would go. Finally, after prayer, and committing it into the hands of the Lord, I felt much better and was encouraged to go through any testing time that might come. But I felt I wanted to plant a stake, as it were, to which I could refer, that the victory was
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