'TH E GREA TER CHANGE AFTER MARRIAGE COMES TO THE GIRL, WHOSE PATTERN OF LIFE EN T IRELY ALTERS." help in the exercise of physical restraint during an engagement, without undue frustration. As the engagement draws towards its close, it is good to read and discuss together a good book on the sexual side of marriage. It is surprising in these so-called enlightened days, when the subject of sex is much less taboo than it was, how very uninstructed and unenlightened many young mar ried couples are about the physical side o f sexual union. Not only so, but many young Christians develop in their minds a wrong attitude towards sex. They have been taught something of its pow er, and of how this power may be abused. In some newspapers, films and advertisements they have seen provocatively stimulating pictures, and they sometimes enter upon marriage with a feeling that there is something “not quite nice” about its physi cal side. This is great pity for the Bible teaches that, in the planning and wisdom of God, the physi cal side of sex is something pure and holy and wonderful. It is therefore most important, if a wrong atti tude of mind toward sex has developed in a Chris tian and he or she has come to look upon it as a necessary evil, that this attitude should be correct ed before an engagement is entered into and cer tainly before marriage takes place. Often a talk with an older and happily married Christian can be a help here. Many clergymen make it their duty to cover this matter when talking with couples in preparation for their wedding service. It is fre quently recommended that every young couple should see a doctor before marriage, not only for a routine medical examination, but also to have the opportunity of asking advice about suitable and unsuitable methods of planning a family. Any other worries or fears which they may have can be aired at the same time. Or they may choose to visit their local Marriage Guidance Council at this stage, where they will find experienced, helpful and un derstanding people ready to give wise advice. Another essential matter to discuss during the engagement is the question of money and the work ing out of some system of budgeting. We ourselves began by keeping an account of every penny we
spent, and this has proved so helpful and salutary that we have continued ever since. We do not find this over-burdensome; we put all our money in a common pool and from this we budget for about a dozen separate items (food, fuel, insurance, holi day, telephone and so on). One of the items is a personal allowance for our own expenses in clothes and so on, and this is equal for us both. Having never budgeted systematically before our wedding, we have both found that this helps us to know and appreciate where all the money goes! Also we find it an assistance in tithing our giving. We are sure of the promise of Philippians 4:19; but we are equally sure that we should not be shoddy stewards of the money which God gives us. So, much looked forward to, the great day of the wedding in due course arrives. We are humbly grateful for the happiness we had on our own wedding day: the service, the presence and love and prayers of our families and our friends, the help of our best man and the bridesmaids, the enjoyment of the reception, the beginning of our honeymoon. As we drove away from the reception we both felt remarkably unchanged, and it was difficult to believe we really were married! But soon the feeling left us, and we thoroughly en joyed our honeymoon, perhaps especially because we had been warned not to take it too seriously! Certainly we learned what we expected—that marriage called for many adjustments at every level of our lives. These adjustments were most noticeable in the first four years of our marriage, and I suppose that they will go on for the rest of our lives; but somehow in the past two or three we have been increasingly at one in every way. Generally the bigger change after marriage comes to the girl, whose whole pattern of life en tirely alters, especially if she has been doing some sort of job before marriage and now gives this up. Adjustment here can be tremendously helped by some good down-to-earth thinking, and perhaps by talking with a married woman about the sort of life to expect. There is quite a lot one can do too in preparing for a life of domesticity and it is a great help to know something of household
THE KING'S BUSINESS
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