'TH ERE ARE TWO WORDS WHICH YOU MUST NOT USE: THE FIRST IS NEVER AND THE SECOND IS ALWAYS ." facts are not fully appreciated or thought over beforehand. For any young wife, but especially for one who has been at work, it is important to create new interests which are compatible with being a wife and mother, in order to live as full a life as possi ble, and not to become a household drudge. So the wife should learn to take a pride in being disci plined in her time, economical and careful in her home, patient and sensible while alone, and should enjoy her friends and be a real neighbor. Settling down to married life often seems to be a matter of steering a wise middle course between dangers at either extreme, and when the motive for such adjustment is love and mutual respect, this is not difficult. But it does require continual unselfish reasonableness and the ability not only to listen to the other person’s point of view, but also to discard one’s own preconceived and well-loved opinions if this seems right. Of course, in the heat of the moment this is not always easy, but we were much helped when we were engaged by read ing the story of a young married couple who went to a wise and very happily-married old lady and asked her the secret of success in marriage. “My dear,” she said, “ it is quite easy. There are two words which you must not use: the first is never and the second is always.” How easy it is when kept waiting to say, “You’re never punctual,” or to look at a pile of clothes or papers left by your husband and to say, “You always leave the place in such a mess.” We have often caught ourselves, in the irritation of the moment, about to use these two words unreasonably, but we have usually remem bered the old lady’s advice, and this has often helped a sense of proportion and of humor to re turn. We would not belittle the need for adjust ments if one member is infuriatingly over-conscien tious about cleanliness or tidiness, and the other a stickler for unreasonable regularity and precision. A happy middle course must be found, probably demanding adjustments from both sides. The hus band must learn to be tolerant and understanding. He needs to share his problems and will expect understanding in return; but he must also be ready
matters, rather than to submit one’s poor husband to unlimited experimenting! Such basic things as learning how to cook for two and not too extrava gantly, ironing and folding linen and clothes; wash ing and starching collars and cuffs—many of these practical points loom quite large to the young and inexperienced housewife. Being punctual with meals and ready for appointments is also some times a very difficult thing to manage at first, and here a little previous practice and experience is of great value in preserving peace and calmness and a happy atmosphere at meal times! For most wives, life will now be completely dif ferent. Men have work which, in most cases, takes them out of the home after breakfast and keeps them busy until they return in time for their eve ning meal. This means that, although their wives know in theory that they will be left alone for most of the day (even 12 hours for some), they need to realize what this will mean in practice: that there will be no one around, no friends to chat to, no one to have lunch with and no discipline other than that which they impose on themselves. In short, it can at times be very lonely. This, of course, can be helped greatly by meeting old friends and getting out and making new ones. Many girls find household chores before mar riage a rather tiresome duty which must be done. We hope most people will find, as we did, that this changes (even to enjoying the chores!) when the work is done in their own home. Marriage should be a definite calling from God. It will be well to remember that we are called to this state when we have to tackle the unpleasant or tedious tasks of bringing in coal for the fire or washing up and cleaning. This sense of vocation will lighten the daily round of duty. The loneliness which faces many a girl when first married can be greatly accentuated if she becomes pregnant almost at once. It is quite sur prising how very full one’s days becomes, and how difficult it is to get outdoors, let alone get away to see other people or to have a restful visit to a friend, once a baby has arrived. This may lead to some unhappiness and frustration if the simple
AUGUST, 1967
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