Vol 11. Edition 3
News from CannaTown
Page 9
CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune! Aries - Your support alligator has been extra comforting ever since your support rat turned up missing. Taurus - at you spent your whole nest egg at the horse track really sucks. at you spent it all on tshirts and bratwurst sucks the worst. Gemini - It's not like you have to run a mara- thon, but you should probably get o your ass. Cancer - Well your Tesla just died again, but you should've known to put it in "baby duck mode." Leo - "Jack of all trades" is a strange way to say you're comfortable pooping in squalor. Virgo - e answers on your employee ap- plication were really smart, especially when you explored the duality of man.
Libra - You will nd tonight that a broken nose actually hurts more than a broken heart. Scorpio - Only you will go to the grave knowing exactly what you did for a Klond- ike Bar. Sagittarius - Barking like a dog was insu er- able. But piddling on the carpet is right out. Capricorn - No matter what people say about the latest studies, you want everyone to know you actually are a lazy stoner. Aquarius - People might respect you more if you stop wearing that moldy wa e on your head. Pisces - It ain't just that you somehow walked all the way home in a mystery pair of high heels, but how are you wearing them in the shower?
What Came to Pass News in Brief
Health Experts Sound Alarm Over Banana Smoothie Lollipops for Breakfast - Far be- yond donuts, and having bid farewell even to the tasteless decadence of the Pop Tart, the latest trend in the breakfast lane is full-fat, full-guilt desserts straight out of Strawberry Shortcake . Between chocolate volcanos brim- ming with hot fudge, and beignets over a bed of frozen custard, it's safe to say Cannatowners have their fair share of options. But is it really a good thing? "We really have to ask where do we draw the line?" asked nutritionist Carl Bunkle. "It used to be considered o -putting to mash a whole package of Mint Oreos into a bowl of whipped cream to eat while watching cartoons. But now that it's routine, is it really safe to use peanut butter instead of whipped cream?" Experts also say the newly popular- ized breakfast banana smoothie lollipops, sell- ing out at Walgreens near the peelable mango gummies, are indeed delicious but "may also cause unwanted massive tooth decay."
You're not invited, please leave now, Pg B4
Stories in Today’s Other Sections
Sopping wet father-in-law wonders what you expected to happen .................................... E6 Sasquatch family turns out to be Eagles cover band ................................................ F2 It’s time to change the way we think about hacksaws .................................. ........ ...... G13 Ramen up ve cents .................................. H1
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