Ponder on these 15 imponderables for a minute: 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6 Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? 8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
9. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 11. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 13. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning 14. If four out of five people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it? 15. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo? l Heaven rules Three business women from Tewkesbury die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ducks.” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck" l
64 | December 2018 | www. punchline-gloucester .com
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