Mindfulness and Well-Being Toolkit

MINDFULNESS AND WELL-BEING TOOL KIT

THE NEW YORK CITY BAR ASSOCIATION MINDFULNESS AND WELL-BEING IN LAW COMMITTEE

contents 03 04 Introduction

Self-care Inventory

08 20 36 43 60 76 97

Occupational Satisfaction

Emotional Needs

Physical Fitness

Intellectual Endeavors

Spiritual Development

Social Connection

About the Toolkit Subcommittee

THE MINDFULNESS AND WELL-BEING TOOL KIT, CREATED BY THE NEW YORK CITY BAR’S MINDFULNESS AND WELL- BEING IN THE LAW COMMITTEE PROVIDES RESOURCES ON THE PRACTICE OF MINDFULNESS (BRINGING AWARENESS TO THE PRESENT MOMENT) AND OTHER DISCIPLINES THAT WILL SUPPORT THE WELL-BEING OF ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, LAW STUDENTS, LEGAL SUPPORT STAFF, AND OTHERS IN THE LEGAL PROFESSION. THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION’S RECENT REPORT ON THE PATH TO LAWYER WELL-BEING: PRACTICAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR POSITIVE CHANGE MAKES OUR (1) OCCUPATIONAL SATISFACTION (GROWTH AND ENRICHMENT IN WORK AND FINANCIAL STABILITY); (2) EMOTIONAL NEEDS (MENTAL HEALTH, GOAL ACHIEVEMENT AND DECISION-MAKING); (3) PHYSICAL FITNESS (EXERCISE, NUTRITION, REST, RESILIENCE, AND PHYSICAL HELP) (4) INTELLECTUAL ENDEAVORS (CONTINUOUS LEARNING, ONGOING DEVELOPMENT AND COGNITIVE WELLNESS); (5) SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT (FAITH, MEANINGFULNESS AND PURPOSE IN LIFE); AND (6) SOCIAL CONNECTION (BELONGING, DIVERSITY AND INCLUSION, SUPPORTIVE NETWORKS) A TOP PRIORITY. SEE “THE PATH TO LAWYER WELL-BEING: PRACTICAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR POSITIVE CHANGE,” THE REPORT OF THE NATIONAL TASK FORCE ON LAWYER WELL-BEING, AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION, AUGUST 2017. THE TOOL KIT IS ORGANIZED BY EACH DIMENSION OF WELL-BEING, PROVIDING LITERATURE, VIDEOS, ACTIVITIES, TIPS, AND OTHER TOOLS.

The resources that were created by NYCBA Mindfulness & Well-Being in Law Committee members are notated by an asterisk at the end of their names. 3

SELF CARE INVENTORY The following worksheet for assessing self care is not exhaustive, merely suggestive. Please respond to the following items in each category. Your totals will be calculated for you. Higher scores indicate better self care. Determine which areas you are doing well in, and which areas may need improvement.

I BARELY OR RARELY DO THIS

I DO THIS OK

I DO THIS WELL

I NEVER DO THIS

Workplace or Academic Self Care ____ Take a break daily from commitments/activities (e.g. lunch) ____ Make quiet time to complete tasks ____ Identify projects or tasks that are exciting and rewarding ____ Set limits and boundaries with residents and peers ____ Balance my workload so that no one day or part of a day is “too much” ____ Arrange work space so it is comfortable and comforting

____ Have a peer support group ____ Other: _________________________

TOTAL (0-24)

Emotional Self Care ____ Accept and love myself ____ Spend time with others whose company I enjoy

____ Identify comforting activities, objects, people, places and seek them out ____ Allow myself to experience full range of emotions (happy, sad, angry, frustrated, hopeful, etc.) ____ Laugh and smile often ____ Express my outrage in social action, letters, donations, marches, protests ____ Give myself affirmations, praise myself ____ Other: _____________________

____ TOTAL (0-24)

Physical Self Care ____ Eat regularly (e.g breakfast, lunch, and dinner) and healthily ____ Exercise ____ Get regular/preventive medical care and when needed ____ Take time off when sick ____ Dance, swim, walk, run, play sports, sing, or do some other fun physical activity ____ Get enough sleep

____ Take time to be physically intimate ____ Other: __________________________

____TOTAL (0-24)

Psychological Self Care ____ Take day trips, mini-vacations, and/or vacations

____ Make time away from cell phones, email, social media, and the Internet ____ Make time for self-reflection: notice inner experience (thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, feelings) ____ Have my own personal psychotherapy ____ Do something at which I am not expert or in charge ____ Engage my intelligence in a new area, e.g., go to an art show, sports event, theatre, read ____ Say no to extra responsibilities when needed ____ Other: _________________________

____ TOTAL (0-24)

Spiritual Self Care ____ Make time for reflection about values, meaning, and purpose in my life; practice gratitude ____ Spend time in nature ____ Connect with supportive spiritual community and engage in spiritual practice/ritual ____ Be open to inspiration; develop and cherish optimism and hope ____ Be open to not knowing ____ Meditate/pray/sing ____ Contribute to causes in which I believe ____ Other: _________________________

TOTAL (0-24)

Relationship Self Care ____ Schedule regular quality time with my partner or spouse, family members, friends etc.

____ Stay in contact with faraway friends and family ____ Make time to reply to personal emails and letters ____ Allow others to do things for me ____ Enlarge my social circle ____ Ask for help when I need it ____ Share a fear, hope, or secret with someone I trust ____ Other: _________________________

TOTAL (0-24)

Adapted from Saakvitne, Pearlman, & Staff of TSI/CAAP (1996). Transforming the pain: A workbook on vicarious traumatization. Norton. Modified by SCU CAPS 8/23/12

CULTIVATING PERSONAL SATISFACTION, GROWTH, AND ENRICHMENT IN WORK; FINANCIAL STABILITY.

Feng Shui for a Resilient Workspace by Weijin "Gina" Leow*

Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese art focused on the harmonization between individuals and their environments. Although there are very specific rules that Feng Shui practitioners follow, there are times when individuals must follow their intuitions and adjust their environments based on their needs. Denise Linn, author of Feng Shui for the Soul, offers insights on how we can modify our environments so they best suit our ways of life. Linn speaks extensively about designing our homes: “The homes we choose often provide what we most need to progress on our journey towards wholeness.” While we oftentimes do not have the ability to choose our workspaces, we can certainly modify things within our current workspaces, so they can work best for us.

There are four things that your workspace needs to help you feel most comfortable: Belonging, Security, Harmony, and Sacredness. Belonging refers to your need to sink your teeth into your space. Perhaps take a moment every day at your desk or seat and recognize where you are situated relative to others on your team, to other teams, to others in the city, to others in the country, to those in other countries. You must also feel secure in your space - it should be a place where you can physically feel safe and safe to express yourself fully. Harmony signifies your space’s ties to nature. In this technological era, we are becoming more and more disconnected with nature, and especially in New York City it is easy to be confined to the four walls of our workspaces. In order to better connect with nature, we can consider adding stones or wooden stationary by our spaces. Finally, a space that embodies sacredness is one that is fully representative of you: your desires, dreams, and passions. When your space is one of belonging, security, harmony and sacredness, you will find that you will find that your space will feel more and more comfortable. It is important for us to be thoughtful and consider how we are cultivating our ability to thrive in our environments. For example, if we want to become more prosperous and successful, we may spend some time each day to write the affirmation, “I am prosperous and successful.” Reciting affirmations is known to have positive effects on your behavior, affecting the way you feel and think about yourself and the world around you. In addition to reciting affirmations, you can welcome prosperity and success into your life by decorating your workspace. Consider embellishing your space with pictures, mottos or items that symbolize your professional goals or accomplishments. Diplomas, certificates or awards can be meaningful reminders of what you have already achieved. Photos of your loved ones, near and far, can be helpful reminders of those who are supporting you through all of your endeavors. Denise Linn recommends choosing “accessories that speak to you of prosperity, abundance, success and you will find that suddenly you and everyone around you values you more!” Have you taken a moment to notice the different color schemes around you? According to Max Lüscher, a color scientist, people are attracted to specific colors because the colors can very well represent their current state and activate certain emotions. According to Linn, Black activates mystery, stillness, and the unknown. Red activates physical strength, passion, and excitement. Orange activates optimism, confidence, and warm-heartedness. Yellow activates attention to detail, freedom, sincerity. Green 9

activates balance, healing, and abundance. Blue activates inspiration, inner peace, and devotion. Purple activates calmness, intuition, and spiritual perspective. White activates purity, divine love, and expansiveness. While you assess what is in your space, think about whether each item is useful or is something that you love. If that item answers yes to either of those questions, then keep it be- cause it is not considered clutter. If you do not use that item and if you do not love it, consider getting rid of it so you can invite other items into your space that will hold more meaning. Acknowledge and abandon the “as soon as I get rid of it, I need it” syndrome.

Once you have thought more about how your workplace is organized, perhaps you can replace the word “workplace” with “home” and see how you can change your settings so it best suits you and your needs.

To read more about thoughtfully redesigning your space, check out Denise Linn’s Feng Shui for the Soul.

OCCUPATIONAL SATISFACTION APPS

Focus Booster

Insight Timer

Mint

10% Happier

Inscape

BUILD A WELL-ROUNDED LIFE: CREATING A 'GOOD LIFE' THROUGH BALANCE

by Pema Sherpa*

Whether it is as lawyers, judges, students, or professionals in any other career, in New York City and other places in the west, we believe that hard work is not only the means of climbing social ranks and prosperity but also our primary source of virtue and fulfillment. We work from dawn to dusk with scarcely a break, believing that it is through hard work that one secures a "good life." However, the surfacing of more and more mental health cases in the legal community beckons us to assess alternative approaches to the "good life." In this article, to juxtapose the principles behind the western work ethic, I will explore an eastern concept of the "good life" called Purusārtha, translated as "objects of human pursuit." These objects of human pursuit fall under four main domains: Dharma - moral values, Artha - prosperity and career, Kāma - pleasure, and Moksha - spiritual values. Antithetical to the western belief, Purusārtha states that material and psychological fulfillment is the result of gaining coherence within these four domains. Growing up in Nepal, we didn't know about Purusārtha, yet our daily lives reflected this philosophy. My family saw life as multidimensional, constituting several priorities and duties, and numerous sources of fulfillment. For example, education fell under my domain of Artha because it was a route to future career success. Academic achievement was expected of me, but it was not my only priority. Dharma —essential to discipline, service, and joy—was freely practiced by contributing to house chores, engaging in social services during weekends, and volunteering to maintain religious and historical sites. Spiritual development, Moksha, consisted of daily visits to pilgrimage sites where we discussed and contemplated on mindfulness and compassion. Although pleasure (Kāma) was not actively sought, it tied into our everyday activities such as feeding birds and playing with children in the neighborhood.

Learning and Unlearning “Productivity”

When I first came to America for college, I was amazed by the incredible force with which my peers strived for career advancement or Artha, over all else. It was not until I was in graduate school at Harvard that I began to internalize the social norms of productivity myself.

I necessarily spent more hours studying than I thought humanly possible. And the more I became fixated with work productivity,

the more I began tying my identity, purpose, and joy to work alone. I attributed my self-worth to how "productive" I had been. And the prestige of Harvard and the rigor of studying philosophy only further heightened this sense of meaning and identity in my work. I slowly forgot that my identity and self-worth were multidimensional and entirely gave into the productivity race. I was now searching for my worth only my career achievements. Every pursuit beyond my career felt indulgent and trivial. Anytime I was "unproductive," I would feel this strange knot in my stomach. I felt it most strongly during enjoyable activities, like spending time with my friends or watching my favorite shows. This unsustainable drive for "productivity" was sucking the joy out of my days. To ease this compulsion, I attempted to contain my work and establish a healthy boundary with it. This interestingly brought me back to my roots. I learned that the effective way to loosen the grasp on one area of life was to simply introduce more dimensions to it, just as advised by the Purusārtha. This required me to be deliberate in seeking activities that fulfilled my moral (Dharma), spiritual (Moksha), and pleasure (Kāma) while continuing to build my career.

Expanding Priorities

Now, I am not advocating that we reject our ambition. Neither am I suggesting that we make drastic changes to how we spend our days. Running away from a present circumstance in search of "freedom" is yet another way to fall prey to overidentifying with a singular dimension of life. Instead, I am advocating that we change our mindset regarding what is "productive." I am promoting that we recognize that human need is multifaceted, and fulfillment is the result of embracing each facet. Productivity looks different depending on the need we are aiming to fulfill. By this token, resting during a break is just as productive as finishing a project. For me, expanding my priorities didn't mean that I had a lesser workload, nor did it mean that I cared about my work any less. It did not even change the amount of time I spent studying, but it slowly helped me create a boundary between my different priorities. When I intentionally pursued things that were essential for me, I stopped deeming them as "unproductive" or feeling guilty about doing them. For instance, as I prioritized meditation, I didn't necessarily spend more time meditating; however, I did stop feeling rushed and guilty during those minutes of meditation.

Finding Purusārtha

You too can expand your priorities by being curious about what matters to you. You can start by listing words that appeal to you within each of the four domains: Dharma, Artha, Kāma, and Moksha. For instance, under pleasure (Kāma) – you may list "food." Then you can build out more details around this word and break it down into an action step, e.g., Kāma (pleasure) > food > cook delicious food > cook a meal for the family on Saturday. After doing this with

Kāma, you can then gradually move to the other domains, Dharma and Moksha. Through this practice, you'll introduce new priorities to your life and add them in the form of daily activities.

While career progress (Artha) constitutes a significant part of our lives, it is not the whole picture. As explained in Purusārtha, fulfillment is the result of advancing in all four domains: Artha, Dharma, Kāma, and Moksha. In deliberately pursuing these four essential domains, we don't sacrifice career success. Instead, by focusing on the whole picture, we can both attain success and find fulfillment.

BUILDING BOUND A RIES A ND B A L A NCE by Vaughn Browne

Tips for Creating Boundaries

Identify appropriate time/resources for commitments. Leave unallocated time/resources for the unexpected. Communicate your boundaries to all affected. Compartmentalize commitments as you execute. Say “no” to unplanned demands. Protect your boundaries but be flexible and kind.

TOP 5 OCCUP A TION A L

S A TISF A CTION RE A DS

Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. by Brene Brown

CRE A TING A ND M A INT A INING B A L A NCE

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman and Paul White

Write down all of the various aspects of life that are of importance to you that you allocate time to (e.g. family/friends, physical activity/health, work/career, finances, rest, travel/hobbies, community/spiritual engagements, etc.) Count the number of aspects that you wrote down. Take 100% and divide that by the number of aspects you wrote down. For example, if you wrote down 7 aspects, then 100 divided by 7 equates to ~14.29. This means that you should allocate 14.29% of your time to each of these aspects, and that you should allocate the same amount of time to each of these aspects equally to maintain balance. See below for the example of the pie chart:

2. 3.

The Best Place to Work by Ron Friedman, PhD

The New Billable Hour b y Ritu Goswamy, Esq.

The Holistic Lawyer by Ritu Goswamy, Esq.

Mindfulness Is A Multi-Faceted Tool For Leadership Development by Cecilia B. Loving*

At the Mindfulness Leadership Summit in Washington D.C. this fall, leaders and practitioners gathered from around the world to discuss the importance of mindfulness practices to leadership. For example, Dr. Amit Sood, from the Mayo Clinic, said that leaders must not only go beyond the mere practice of trying to be present in the moment without judgment but we must also develop a mindset of good judgment and intention, grounded in gratitude, forgiveness and compassion. By so doing, we recognize the “leader” within us all.

Mindfulness guru Ruth King taught participants how to embrace themselves in each other, in order to dissolve the notion of “us vs. them” and allow for the restorative compassion of forgiveness. Her teachings provide a deeper dive, moving beyond a contemplative practice to use mindfulness tools to discover the source of our suffering and how to begin to heal relationships with others. In her book, Mindful of Race, King shares a number of tools to be more compassionate with ourselves, including forgiveness cards. She teaches that if you do something you regret, you can release the suffering with “Get Out of Jail Free” cards. She suggests allowing yourself ten per day. On one side of the card, you write what you did and on the other you write what you learned from it, re-committing to act with compassion and understanding. “Resisting forgiveness causes much injury and strengthens conceit. The wise one always forgives first. With practice, we learn how to let go. We cultivate more tenderness. Creativity is equally important in the practice of mindfulness. Expressing ourselves artistically is one of the most mindful things we can do. King says that as we become more mindful, the energy we need to serve and reunite the world becomes available to us. We can use this energy creatively—not just for ourselves but to serve and heal a larger heart as well. “Expressing ourselves artistically supports us in realizing freedom and generosity.” Ultimately, leaders are striving for equanimity, a sustained state of balance. Equanimity is being able to be proactive rather than reactive: grounded presence in the midst of extremes. King says that “as we taste and rest in the inner tranquility that is the character of equanimity, we become, through our lived example, an energetic resource contributing to a culture of care.” Inclusive leadership requires equanimity. Otherwise, we will be quick to act upon the criticisms of others and blame and shame will be our default rather than a mindful assessment of the situation. As Jim Dethmer, author of The 15 Commitments of the Conscious Leader, taught, we have to commit to taking radical responsibility rather than blaming others. We must grow in self-awareness, using every opportunity to learn. We have to be mindful of expressing our feelings rather than repressing or withholding them, acknowledging that what is true for us may not be true for others and being at peace with that. Rather than gossiping, we can encourage colleagues to address their concerns directly to others. We should commit to giving and receiving appreciation, as well as inspiring others to express their creativity.

We have to honor our rest and renewal. We have to be open to everyone’s story, even if it is opposite to our own. We must recognize that we are the source of our approval, control and security rather than outside circumstances and conditions. We have to get rid of a scarcity mentality, which breeds jealousy and fear: we have enough right where we are. The universe conspires to help each and every one of us. With a practice of mindfulness, leaders can commit to “win-for-all solutions (win for me, win for the other person, win for the organization, and win for the whole) for whatever issues, problems, concerns, or opportunities life gives me.” We should also be courageous enough to be “the resolution or solution that is needed: seeing what is missing in the world as an invitation to become that which is required.” Of course, these are all baby steps, all openings to a new awareness of our practice, whatever form or shape it may take. When we breathe deeply and listen, we know that each one of us is a leader. Each one of us is accountable. Each one of us should have an influence, purpose and vision for our lives. Manifest Joy By Abayomi Ajaiyeoba Whint Reflect on what joy and happiness means to you. As you visualize about what joy means to you and as you think of a moment or moments of joy in your life, let’s meditate in this moment and in this space.

Inhale and say, I choose peace Exhale and say, “I choose JOY.”

Breathe in and say, “I attract peace.” Breathe out and say, “I attract JOY.” Next, breath in and say, “My life is peaceful.” Breathe out and say, “My life is JOYful.” Now, we’ll say, “I start (or end) my day with peace.” “I start (or end) my day with JOY.”

“Breathing in brings peace to my soul.” “Breathing out sends JOY to my world.”

Breathe in with “All is well.” Breathe out with “All is well.”

STRESS TEST

Where Are We on the Path to Law Student Well-Being?: Report on the ABA CoLAP Law Student Assistance Committee Law School Wellness Survey (2019) By Jordana Alter Confino*

How stressed are you? Measure how severe your stress symptoms are with this 25-question test or take this Burnout Self-Test.

Occupational Satisfaction Online Courses

* Positive Lawyering: Realizing Full Potential in Legal Practice The New York City Bar Association

Join Elina Teboul, J.D., M.A.,* an executive performance coach and founder ofThe LightUp Lab, which inspires and empowers professionals and organizations through positive psychology and mindset training. she will teach you how to lead a happy, healthy, purposeful and successful career using the science of happiness.

The Science of Well-Being Yale University

Learn more about happiness and how to help re-wire your brain to build more productive habits such as incorporating a well-being practice into your daily life.

* Build a Well-Rounded Life: Tools and Strategies to Create Balance The New York City Bar Association

Learn from Mindfulness Teacher, Researcher and Consultant Pema Sherpa* and Coach and Healer Stacy Lefkowitz Schaffer, Esq.* about how to incorporate fulfillment and harmony amongst the four domains of life: Career, Moral Duties, Pleasure and Freedom, otherwise known as the philosophy of Purusartha, translated as the Pursuits of Life. Maintaining the balance will help participants’ general well-being, especially during stressful times such as the Coronavirus pandemic.

The Science of Happiness at Work UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center

Paritcipate in this three-course professional certificate program that will help you not only increase your happiness at work, but also boost engagement, teamwork, and productivity in your organization.

* Beating the 3:00 Crash: 4 Tips for Increased Energy Throughout the Day The New York City Bar Association

Discover and practice 4 quick tips from Health & Wellness Coach Donnie DeSsanti and attorney Tracy J. Weinstein* on increasing your energy levels throughout the day, especially while working from home during the Coronavirus pandemic.

Cultivating Optimism & Gratitude with “Three Good Things”

By Jordana Confino*

Human beings have evolved to have a negativity bias whereby they spend far more time focusing on negative experiences than positive ones. This bias is particularly pronounced in lawyers who are literally trained to spot flaws and anticipate every negative eventuality. As a result, we tend to overlook the many positive things in our lives, missing out on opportunities for happiness and connection. But, luckily, it is possible to correct this bias by redirecting our focus to the positive. By listing three good things that have happened in your day and considering what caused them, you can tune into the sources of goodness in your life and cultivate optimism and gratitude – both of which have been shown to promote greater health and happiness.

Instructions:

At the end of each day, write down three things that went well for you that day and provide an explanation for why they went well. The items can be minor (e.g., “it was a beautiful day”) or major (e.g., “I earned a great promotion”). Note how the event made you feel at the time and how you feel about it now.

Explain what you think caused this event. Repeat every day for at least once a week.

Nothing Can Steal My Joy By Abayomi Ajaiyeoba Whint

My personal hashtag for daily living: Nothing can steal my joy. My hashtag is the constant reminder that joyfulness is a choice. We live in a society where everything external to us can have a ripple effect and interfere with joy if we choose to allow it. Joy Affirmation: Today I’m visualizing happiness. I am living with joy. Today. Right now. In the moment. Every day I attract circumstances and situations that fill me with joy. Joy is my birthright. No matter what happens today, I will find the positive in it. Joy is my moment to moment, day to day choice. I choose to be joyful every day. Even in difficult times, I choose to see the good in life. When you ask me why I am so joyful, I answer. . . let me count the ways. My life of joy begins NOW.

By Wendy M. Star*

FOCUSING ON MENTAL HEALTH, GOAL ACHIEVEMENT AND DECISION-MAKING

A Basic Mindfulness Meditation by Jordana Confino*

Follow these simple steps to guide yourself through a basic mindfulness meditation:

1. 2.

Locate a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted or distracted. Find a position that is comfortable for you. You can be seated or kneeling. Just make sure you are stable and your spine is straight and relaxed. Set a time limit: If you are just beginning, aim for 5-10 minutes. But even a few minutes is enough to see the benefits! Find a point of focus, such as your breathing—the sensation of air flowing into your nostrils and out of your mouth or your belly rising and falling—or an external focus, such as a candle flame or a meaningful word that you repeat throughout the meditation. Notice when your mind has wandered. When thoughts inevitably arise, don’t judge yourself or fight them – just notice them and gently return your attention back to your point of focus.

How Happy Are You?

The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire, developed by psychologists Michael Argyle and Peter Hills University, can give you some insight on how happy you are.

S.T.O.P. Technique by Jordana Confino*

If you only have one minute, use this technique to center yourself.

Stop: Whatever you’re doing, just pause momentarily.

Take a breath: Reconnect with your breath.

Observe: Notice what is taking place in your mind and body as well as your surroundings.

Proceed: Resume what you were doing, without hurry.

Emotional Intelligence Toolkit

Guide to Better Communication

Do you have trouble connecting or getting yourself heard? These articles will teach you the skills you need to communicate more clearly and effectively with your romantic partners, family, friends, boss, and coworkers.

Discover tools to manage your emotions and bring your life into balance.

Transform Yourself Through Radical Forgiveness By Tameka Lowe

After a confirmation with a friend, a woman decided to do attend a forgiveness workshop. pose. When the instructor greeted her by saying “Welcome to the Radical Forgiveness Workshop,” the woman asked “what can possibly be radical about forgiveness?” Radical forgiveness is a shift from the mindset of being a victim because of the obligation to forgive—to feeling so empowered that the person experiencing the hurt or betrayal is transformed.

According to Colin Tipping, author of Radical Forgiveness, we tend “to look at our experiences through the eyes of a victim: to judge, lay blame, accuse, and seek revenge.” When we forgive, we usually let bygones be bygones, but we still hold on to pain and suffering. As many say: “I can forgive but I won’t forget.” If we “forgive purely as an intellectual exercise, old emotions still have the potential to arise, and the feelings that we did not release from past experiences still have the ability to impact us physical- ly and spiritually. To break free from such a powerful archetype, we must replace it with something radically different—something so compelling and spiritually liberating that it magnetizes us away from victimhood.” Rad- ical forgiveness moves us “beyond the dra- ma of our lives” so that “we will understand the meaning of our suffering and be able to transform it immediately.”

Tipping urges us to fully release the experiences we must forgive through five “radical” stages.

First, we have to Tell the Story. This re- quires us to have someone willingly listen to our story. We own our story in its fullness from the point of view of being a victim.

Second, we have to Feel the Feelings. We have to feel the emotions that arise be- cause we cannot heal what we do not allow ourselves to feel. It is only when we give our- selves permission to access our pain that our healing begins. Third, we have to Collapse the Story. This is a radical step for most of us. We re- move the power of our story, the story where we played the victim. When we process our stories, we often “see that these stories are, for the most part, untrue and serve only to keep us stuck in the victim archetype.” This step empowers us to choose to stop giving our stories our “vital life force energy. Once we decide to retrieve our energy, we take back our power, and the stories wither and die.” Fourth, we Re-Frame the Story. We give up the need to figure it out and surrender to the idea that the gift is contained in the situation, whether we know it or not. “It is in that act of surrender that the real lesson of love is learned and the gift received. This is also the step of transformation, for as we begin to become open to seeing the divine perfection in what happened, our victim stories, which were once vehicles for anger, bitterness, and resentment, become transformed into stories of appreciation, gratitude, and loving accep- tance.” This empowers us to consider the possibility that everything that happens helps foster our growth.

Five, we Integrate. After realizing and accepting the divine purpose behind the incident that occurred, we allow the new truth into your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional bodies, so it will essentially become a part of who we are. “After we have allowed ourselves to be willing to see the perfection in the situation and turned our stories into ones of gratitude, it is necessary to integrate that change at the cellular level. That means integrating it into the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies so that it becomes a part of who we are.” This step can be done through a series of mind- fulness practices such as breathing exercises, affirmations, and walking meditations. These five stages, which may not occur in this order and may happen simultaneously, give us the tools to lean into the discomfort of the situation because that’s where our ul- timate healing lies. Instead of walking away from our discomfort, we surrender, and get comfortable. If we don’t lean in, we resist, and whatever we resist will persist. Feeling betrayed, defeated, used, violated, wronged, discriminated, marginalized, or whatever else comes up for us is difficult to accept be- cause these feelings take us out of our com- fort zone, so that we are left feeling exposed and vulnerable. Tipping, who worked with cancer patients and other clients experiencing extreme stress and vulnerability, says that this pro- cess is restorative because breaking free of victimhood and replacing it with something radically different is liberating as it lifts us above our traumatic experiences to focus on the bigger picture: what we were called to do and how we can achieve our life’s purpose. Radical forgiveness is a way to not only forgive those we blame on harming us but also to forgive ourselves. Instead of wrestling with our pain, we can lean into our discomfort and allow it to be the source of our empowerment. This process of radical forgiveness is also a muscle that we continue to tone and build each time we use it until our suffering decreases—not because we no longer suffer but because we have adopted the right tools to deal with it.

Joy Activity Handout Adapted from Tribes: A New Way of Learning and Being Together by Jeanne Gibbs, 2001.

Instantly feel more joyful with this activity.

J: Write something that just happened to you (in the recent past).

O: Write something oh so special you want to do for yourself.

Y: Write something that makes You special. 24

Emotional Needs Apps

Headspace

SAM

18percent

Aura

My Gratitude Journal

Pick 3-minute exercises based on your current mood.

Maintain a positive attitude by tracking five things you are grateful for each day.

We Cannot Serve From An Empty Vessel By Cecilia B. Loving*

One of the first things we have to do before we help others is make sure that we are safe. In navigating through our jobs, no matter what form or shape they may take, we will not be effective unless we are operating at a sufficient level of energy, strength, stamina, and fitness. We might be required to wear a hazmat suit, bunker gear, a helmet, or an oxygen mask in the field. At a desk or in an office environment, we might not be required to wear any protective gear but are just as vulnerable to stress. It does not matter what our jobs are, we still have to protect ourselves. Mindfulness is one of the most important tools to protect against stress, in a manner that is both positive and self-sustaining.

Pay Attention to Your Breath

One way to begin the practice of mindfulness is to set aside a moment to be silent, close your eyes and become aware, without judgment just by paying attention to your breath. In Breath by Breath, Larry Rosen- berg teaches us that “when we focus on the breath, we are focusing on the life force.” He says “[t]o contemplate breathing is to contemplate life itself.” We can just count each breath. “Numbering either the in-breath or the out-breath, start with one and count up to ten.... When you reach ten breaths, start back at one. If your mind wanders and you lose count, start back at one.” This is not a game that incorporates success or failure, Rosenberg says. “[T]he whole process is meditation: being with the breathing, drifting away, seeing that we’ve drifted away, gently coming back... without blame, without judgment, without a feeling of failure.”

Practice a Walking Meditation

Meditation is not limited to sitting or lying down, it is also important to practice meditation while standing, as well as walking. A walking meditation can be done moving around our work space on an area as small as a yoga mat. Of course, walking outside in nature is one of the best ways to develop a practice of mindfulness. Rosenberg says practicing a walking meditation has several rewards: we enhance our endurance and stamina; we become free from disease; we better digest our food; and we focus better. We can apply the same awareness to yoga, Zumba, running, spinning, dancing, or lifting weights. Movement increases our endorphins, resulting in improved mood, decreased irritability, and an enhanced ability to concentrate.

Fast from Negativity

Fasting has been utilized for centuries to increase self-discipline, awareness and concentration. When we are aware of our desire to eat without reacting to it, fasting not only increases our mental acuity but also forces us to be more mindful of our thoughts, beliefs and expectations, and to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Some call fasting a workout for our mindfulness muscles. Terry Crews and other fitness celebrities use intermittent fasting to become more disciplined and mindful about their eating habits. Intermittent or daily fasting during a specific time period (e.g., from 8 PM. To 12 P.M.) also provides a dedicated space to reconnect with our bodies: to take a break from filling spaces with food or other external stimulus and be more mindful about the balance that we need in our lives. Although the science on intermittent fasting is still developing, Crews and many others have been doing it for years: benefiting from improved sleep, more energy, less stress-based eating, reduced inflammation, and even weight loss. Fasting from our usual activity always provides an opportunity to fill our vessels with patience, compassion and observation. We have to slow down and pay attention to ourselves and our surroundings in order to rejuvenate, restore and re-connect. We cen- ter to bring balance, not through caffeine, alcohol or drugs but through deep listening, paying attention to the breath and being one with an increased awareness of our needs. Enhancing these moments of being true to ourselves are what make us more resilient, improving inner strength so that we are present for others, as well as taking better care of ourselves. Self-care is not selfish. Self-care should be our top priority. As well being expert Eleanor Brown says, “we cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

Seven Mantras You Can Use During a Crisis By Tameka Lowe

Resources from the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies

Help Loved Ones Experiencing Trauma

COVID-19 Resources

Frame and Promote Traumatic Stress as a Public Health Issue to Colleagues

How Trauma Affects Relationships

Cope with Traumatic Stress and Substance Abuse

Learn More About Children and Trauma

Courage to Care Fact Sheet for Providers: Psychological First Aid

Mental Health Roadmap

New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

From the Uniformed Services University of the Health Services

NYC Well

Free Mental Health First Aid Training Course

See more information here for free, confidential 24/7 mental health support. Receive referrals to mental health and substance misuse services. NYC Well Call 1-888-NYC-WELL Call 711 for Relay Service for Deaf/Hard of Hearing Text Well to 65173 Chat with a counselor online at nyc.gov/nycwell

From the National Council for Behavioral Health and Missouri Department of Mental Health

Information on Mental Health Disorders, Support Groups, Education and Training

Public Health Depression Action Kit

From the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

From the National Alliance on Mental Illness

Anchoring While meditating, choose something in your environment as an anchor to hold your attention and awareness. The anchor could be your breath, sensation in your body, or a sound you may hear. Try not to apply any judgement on these anchors. If your mind wanders, bring your attention back to your anchor.

The Gratitude Reset By Sharon Discorfano*

Gratitude is one of our most important powers. Whatever we give thanks for, multiplies. If we are alive, we have a reason to give thanks.

The NYC Office of Labor Relations’ and Thrive NYC’s Be Well Program

Be sure to take care of your mind, just as much as you take care of your body by checking out Be Well resources.

NYC Office of Labor Relations Programs

How to Stop Stress in its Tracks

www.tbclub.co 31

Strategies for Mindfully Consuming & Communicating News During Covid-19 by Pema Sherpa*

TOP 5 EMOTION A L NEEDS RE A DS

The Happy Lawyer: Making a Good Life in the Law by Nancy Levit & Douglas O. Linder

The Reflective Counselor: Daily Meditations for Lawyers by F. Gregory Coffy and Maureen C. Kessler

A few weeks ago, as I was wrapping up my work for the day, I got a distressed call from my best friend. "Have you stocked up yet?" she asked. "Trump just announced a national emergency. All the stores are going to close!" I told her I had been slowly adding to my pantry, but she pleaded that it wasn't enough. She was adamant that I had to stock up on groceries NOW. I knew she wasn't acting rationally, and I told her so. I maintained my composure on our call, but by the time I got off, I felt anxious. Could she be right? I wondered. Not wanting to take any chances, I called my partner and explained that we needed to go grocery shopping immediately. Our plans to go to the park and cook dinner had to be put on hold. After disputing whether we were in panic mode, he agreed, and we were off to the store. On our way to the store, my sister called and I quizzed her on the state of her kitchen: Did she have enough dry goods? Coffee? Toilet paper? She told me she'd go shopping tomorrow, but that wasn't good enough for me. I demanded that she, too, drop whatever she was doing and go shopping. After I hung up, I realized that the same nervous energy that my friend passed onto me, I had passed onto my partner and my sister—all in a matter of minutes. This anxious energy was contagious.

Life After Law: Find Work You Love with the J.D. Degree You Have by Liz Brown

The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Joyful and Satisfying Law Practice Through Mindfulness Mediation by Jenna Cho and Karen Gifford

The Introverted Lawyer: A Seven-Step Journey Toward Authentically Empowered Advocacy by Heidi K. Brown

Reflecting on this chain of events, it amazes me that despite knowing deep down that the basis of my friend's fear was incorrect, it still impacted me. What's worse is in that moment of panic, I quickly spread my nervous energy to my loved ones. I share my story because the chain reaction that I experienced is representative of the current climate of panic. We are consuming stressful news on the media available in one medium or another, which we then pass onto others compounded with our fear. We need to be responsible for how we consume the news, how we respond to the fear of other people, and how we contribute to the anxiety of others— especially during these turbulent times. Here are a few strategies that we can apply to consume and spread news regarding the current state of affairs responsibly:

When Consuming News:

Be curious about your intention before you check the news. Ask yourself: Is it coming from compulsion and fear or curiosity and a need to be informed?

2. Decide how much information is necessary for you to make a responsible decision for yourself and others. Y ou need some amount of information to make strategic plans for the well- being of yourself and others. After that point consuming more information will not contribute to smarter decision making and may only add to your stress level. 3. Be selective about the source of your news: Not all sources of information are created equal. There are many sources out there merely fighting for your attention. Negative and extreme news that captures your attention but provide little reliable data must be avoided. Get your information from the government, medical, and research institutions. These sites are not driven by traffic to their sites. A few of the valid sites to look out for are, WHO, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Corona Virus Resource Center by research institutions like John Hopkins and Harvard.

4. Turn off your news notification : To ensure that you can be intentional about your news consumption, you should consider turning off notifications.

5. Label the emotion that comes up when you hear bad news: Ask yourself: Is this fear? Is this anger? Labeling these emotions will help you avoid letting the emotions consume your rational mind. When you contain the emotion, you create the space to begin reasoning with yourself.

6. Do a cognitive appraisal: When we consume alarming news, our primitive brain naturally prepares our mind and body to protect ourselves and our loved ones. It then manifests in the form of stress and anxiet6. y. The mind also does this by going into negative thought patterns and scans for worse case scenarios. When we are aware of how news affects us, we can then asses the validity of our thought patterns. Mindful exploration of our thoughts often reveals that they are usually not an accurate representation of reality. 7. Interrupt Anxiety with Breath: We will inevitably have moments when the news triggers us. During these times, we can practice deep and slow breaths to communicate to our minds and body that we are not ramping up to fight or flee. On average, humans take 12-25 breaths per minute. When we are anxious, the number can go up to 30. We can interrupt this cycle by consciously slowing our breathing to 12 breaths per minute by inhaling for 4 secs and exhaling 8 secs, apart from communicating to your mind and body that there is safety to breathe leisurely. Slow breathing like this triggers your vagus nerve to produce "vagus stuff," a substance that lowers your heart rate activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps you calm down.

When Communicating the News to Others Ask Yourself:

Why are you sharing? When it comes to social media, we tend to over-post. Take a moment to ask yourself, "why am I sharing this piece of information?" This can help you be sensitive and responsible for how your message affects your audience, whether close friends and family or more distant connections.

2. Are you conveying panic with the information? Human emotion is exceptionally contagious. When we are panicked or stressed, we quickly communicate it to others. The collective panic only amplifies the feeling. Therefore, before communicating with others, we must address our emotions, for instance, by practicing deep breaths as described above. And often, we will find that when we calm our nerves, sharing the information might become altogether unnecessary. As social beings, we experience emotions more fully when we share it with others. However, during uncertain times when we are feeling heightened fear, we must be responsible for both our own and others' emotions. Now is a time when we are collectively fighting the same battle. People all over the world are striving for the same goals of safety, health, and well-being. During these times, if we all take responsibility for how we spread the news, we can help alleviate unnecessary stress.

Emotional Needs Courses

Mindfulness Practices to Support the Legal Front Lines The New York City Bar Association

Join Judi Cohen, Founder of Warrior One, a preeminent provider of mindfulness training for lawyers in the U.S. and internationally, in this webinar to learn how to protect not only your own well-being, but also protect the well-being of your clients, communities, and society, especially during COVID-19. You will learn how to better understand the legal mind, cultivate intentional states of mind, and use mindfulness meditation to sculpt the mind.

Happier Employees and Return-On-Investment Course The University of Texas at Austin When employees are happier, they are healthier, take less sick leave and perform better at work. Learn how to enhance your own happiness as well as the happiness of your colleagues.

*Mindfulness Methods for Challenging Times: Cultivating Calm, Focus and Well-Being The New York City Bar Association

In this mindful session, lawyer and mindfulness teacher Jon Krop imparts mindfulness tools to cultivate calm, focus, and well-being especially during times of heightened anxiety and stress.

Becoming a Resilient Person - The Science of Stress Management The University of Washington Prioritize your well-being by learning the science behind what it takes to increase your resiliency in order to thrive in the face of adversity.

Tips for Coping with Coronavirus-Induced Anxiety The New York City Bar Association

Join leading expert on the psychology of lawyer behavior Larry Richard and City Bar Mindfulness and Well-Being Chair and FDNY Deputy Commissioner Cecilia Loving* in understanding how you can restore psychological equilibrim and emotional well-being, especially with Coronavirus-induced anxiety. CLE credit available.

Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84 Page 85 Page 86 Page 87 Page 88 Page 89 Page 90 Page 91 Page 92 Page 93 Page 94 Page 95 Page 96 Page 97 Page 98 Page 99

Made with FlippingBook - professional solution for displaying marketing and sales documents online