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Re-Building Self-Trust By Tameka Lowe
Sometimes we have a difficult time deciding which direction we want to go, and second-guess all of our ideasbecause we don’t trust that they’re good enough. In How to Cultivate Self-Trust, Tamara Lechner says that as children we trust ourselves with no reservations. But our self-trust erodes over time. As teenagers we’re usually influenced by our peers and society regarding decisions which minimiz-es self-trust. When we reach adulthood, we are told to trust our gut feeling but “[w]e’ve spent our formative years turning down the volume of our inner voice, so how do we begin to trust ourselves again?” Maureen Healy, author of Shaping Self- Trust: Is self-trust teachable?, defines self- trust as a “[l]earned skill to rely upon one’s inner resources (i.e. emotional, mental, and physical) to navigate the world.” Trust re- quires us to be steadfast about the decisions that we make. Trusting ourselves does not mean that we will always say and do the right thing; achieving perfection is not the ultimate goal. When we don’t trust ourselves, we question our judgments, the decisions we make, and we give others the authority to make decisions for us. In How to Cultivate Self-Trust, Lechner said we have to rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust is like going to the gym. You don’t go once and expect to be fit: it requires contin- uous work. Lechner says “Every time you flex your trust muscle, it strengthens.”
We can increase self-trust by:
Reminding ourselves that one poor choice doesn’t mean we don’t know what’s best for us. Respecting our opinion as much as we respect the opinions of others. Reassuring ourselves that we are our own best expert. Allowing our self the empathy we’d extend to another. Bringing awareness to what we are feeling and thinking, and not just to what we’re doing. Ask yourself what part of the body you feel when you have a feeling to do some- thing in a certain way. As you learn to con- nect with the body (e.g., your heart, your gut, or even a twitch), you trust that the body will guide you. Trusting ourselves improves when we have a mindfulness practice. When we slow down, and focus on the breath, we have bet- ter clarity. Take notice of the synergy of our choices. Eventually, we trust that we never steer ourselves wrong.
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