I DON'T WANT 'DESPERADO' TO BE MY RECORD ANYMOR E
I still don't think I have a daily contemplation practice. As I wrote months ago, being out in nature calms me and makes me appreciate all the life that is out there and how fragile it all is. I do think about all of this often and I am amazed at how time passes in our lives and at the journey of it all. Life is truly amazing. It can be painful and it can be joyous, sometimes all at once. It is fleeting and working to stay present is I guess how I contemplate. I sometimes imagine I'm looking down and back at my life and the people and things that were in it. Yes, I think past tense as if I am no longer here on earth. It helps me appreciate my life more, but it also creates an ache and a desire to be more in my life. More present. I have to learn to let people love me. I love people and am stepping outside of old beliefs to try to express that more. What I really need is to allow people to love me. I think I've never fully felt deserving of receiving love and it can make me very uncomfortable. This is what my contemplation can be I guess, to open these tightly sealed gates of protection and let myself be loved. I no longer want my song to be " Desperado " by the Eagles. That is the old me, the one that hid in fear. I do love you all and am grateful to be here. My friend Y.B. has said my new song is 'Unstoppable" by SIA - I will take that!
-B.H.
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