Forced Sharing Is Not Caring TEACH CHILDREN GENEROSITY THROUGH AUTONOMY
One of the most common principles of early childhood education is teaching children to play well with others, and oftentimes, this includes teaching them to share. While this aspect of education seems like a no-brainer to some, others have started to question the importance of sharing. In fact, this movement is taking the internet and nation by storm, one blog and social media post at a time, and it’s gaining traction with parents and preschools alike. According to Laura Markham, clinical psychologist at Columbia University and author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings,” “Forcing children to share doesn’t teach the lessons we want them to learn.” During preschool, kids are learning to meet their own needs, and rather than teaching kids to speak up for themselves, forced sharing teaches them the following.
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I am in constant competition to get what I need.
can give it to the other child when they are finished, we are teaching them the following.
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If I make my parent miserable, I’ll get more time with what I want.
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I can ask for what I want. Sometimes, I get a turn soon; and sometimes, I have to wait.
Forced sharing undermines children’s ability to lose themselves in play while also plaguing their relationships with other children with constant competition. In the end, neither child gets to experience true generosity from their peer. So, what should be taught? Markham says children need to be given the tools to handle sharing situations. “We do want our child to notice when another child would like a turn, and to ensure that child gets a turn,” she said. “And when someone else has something that our child wants, we hope that she’ll be able to control her impulses and use her words to work out an arrangement so that she can use the object in the future.”
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It’s okay to cry, but it doesn’t mean I get my way.
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I don’t get everything I want.
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I don’t have to whine and convince my parent that I need a turn, because I know I will get it.
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When I give my toy to my sibling, I feel good inside. I’m a generous person.
According to Markham, this helps your child learn patience and empathy, which may leave them better equipped to handle bigger situations in the future. Forced sharing may seem positive in nature, but the harmful competition it creates may rob children of the chance to be truly generous and communicate their feelings and desires.
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If I cry loud enough, I get what I want.
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Parents are in charge of who gets what and when, and it’s arbitrary, depending only on their whim and how dramatically I beg for my turn.
When we teach kids that they can use an object for as long as they’d like and that they
CASE STUDY DEFENDANT CHARGED WITH A LIFE FELONY Charges Dismissed, Reduced, and No Conviction on Her Record
Result: Secured a lower charge and bond prior to arraignment, ultimately plead to an even lower charge, with no conviction and early termination of probation at nine months. Facts: The defendant was working at a residential condominium complex when a resident complained that she was not doing an adequate job cleaning the hallway and common area. An argument ensued after our client was disrespected by the resident. The resident alleged that our client entered her apartment, struck her repeatedly, grabbed her by the hands, pulled the phone out
of her hand, and threw it off the second-floor hallway onto the ground. Davie Police arrested our client and charged her with burglary with battery (punishable by life felony) and giving a false name to police. Our client was initially held NO BOND following arrest. We were able to convince the state attorney’s office in Broward to agree to bond and file the lesser charges of burglary of a dwelling (a second-degree felony), misdemeanor battery, and giving a false name. After investigating and fighting the case, taking depositions, and speaking with witnesses, we were able to negotiate a dismissal of the charges, and our client took a plea to the reduced charge of aggravated assault.
She received a withhold of adjudication (no conviction on her record) and is eligible for early termination of probation after nine months. DISCLAIMER: The results are specific to the facts and legal circumstances of each of the clients’ cases and should not be used to form an expectation that the same results could be obtained for other clients in similar matters without reference to the specific factual and legal circumstances of each client’s case.
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