MOTHER & SON ESQ. & P.I. PILOT
by
Scott Prendergast
3rd DRAFT FOR NETWORK STAGE 29 CBS STUDIOS
TEASER EXT. NICE SUBURBAN HOME - DAY
MOVERS empty this house and load a big truck. Boxes and furniture litter the porch and a short front lawn. MOVER We wrappin’ this couch in plastic? FOREMAN Dunno, ask the owner. Where is he? Amidst the commotion, homeowner HARRY (60s, gray) simply walks straight out of the house with a small suitcase and heads down the street. He has slight difficulty walking, as if sore. He seems strangely disconnected to this house and the movers. FOREMAN There he is. ‘SCUSE ME SIR? WE WRAPPIN’ THIS COUCH? HELLO? Where’s he goin? Aw, forget it, c’mon, let’s go. Harry walks off towards the horizon, growing smaller... INT. SMALL COFFEE SHOP - DAY A TIRED WOMAN (42) works the counter. TODD (30, scruffy, “disguised” with glasses) observes and whispers into his beat- up Apple watch (his vibe is very “high-tech but grungy ”): TODD 12:15, COFFEE MAFIA, 3rd and Broadway. Subject “Betty Hogenson” at work as expected - but behind - a counter. HA. Approaching in 5, 4, 3, 2... He walks up to the counter with a dorky smile, and lies: TODD Hi so sorry to bother you, it’s me
triple half-caf soy latte? I think the wifi is down? (points) Your router was beepy and flashing, could you...? MRS. HOGENSON (wiped) Oh yeah, hang on...
She pops the counter up, walks out, and reaches up for the router. Todd quickly pushes a button on his watch, activating his laptop (open on table) and phone (in jacket hung near door): both snap photos of her legs. She hears the click, and turns: what’s going on? Todd drops the act (and the glasses):
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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TODD Thank you very much, you have been “assessed and photographed” for Aetna insurance, and this is your receipt. MRS. HOGENSON What’s going on? Are you a lawyer? TODD Uh no , private detective. Well, I was . Now I’m working for your health insurance, you are not wearing your knee braces, you’re not limping, but you’re still collecting disability from the car accident last year. MRS. HOGENSON (genuine) Wait, wait no. I really need that money. Don’t-- Please, I... TODD
I’m sorry! It’s just my job! I need money too! You can call Aetna at... Two YOUNG KIDS (clearly hers) pop up behind the counter. A THIRD CHILD sits back there holding a cracked iPad: CHILD IN DIRTY CLOTHES Mom, the cartoons stopped. Todd looks at the grimy kids, at the mom’s desperate face: she’s barely scraping by, has to bring her kids to work. Todd sighs deeply: she got him. He rolls his eyes, and gives in: TODD You got the braces with you? QUICK INSERTS: PHOTOS of the woman wearing both braces, and making faces of agonizing pain (read: Todd helped her out). INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - DAY MEANWHILE: JOAN (late 50s, coiffed) moves through a law firm, all business, sending texts to her husband, Harry: JOAN (TEXT MSGS ON PHONE) Are the movers being CAREFUL? Did they wrap the gray couch? Hello? Joan’s assistant FRANCEY (50s, crunchy, brash) approaches: FRANCEY
They’re in conference room B. The father is very crotchety today.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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JOAN Of course he is, they’ve been stewing for 2 weeks... INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
JUMP TO: Joan sits with client KIM (30, fragile, house arrest anklet). Joan, empathetic, places her hand on Kim’s hand: JOAN How are we doing? KIM I’m OK, I guess. Stressed. I just want this whole thing to be over with. Kim’s father WALTER (60s, angry) and mother ELEANOR (50’s, meek, extremely worried) sit nearby: WALTER This delay has been awful! It’s killing us! Kim is falling apart! KIM Dad, will you please stop? Kim’s girlfriend NIKI (35, gothy, controlling) butts in: NIKI Did the Prosecutor recover from his thing? The concussion? JOAN The trial will resume on Monday
morning, as planned. Just 3 more days. But right now, we need to refocus, and go over all of our testimonies. Kim? Are you ready? KIM (big sigh, hands pressed over eyes) I didn’t kill him... JOAN Let’s prove that to the jury.
INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - LOBBY - DAY LATER: Joan escorts her clients out of the office. Eleanor stops and turns back to speak to Joan, nervously: ELEANOR
My daughter’s life is in your hands, Joanie. You promised me you could--
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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JOAN I said I would clear her name. And I will. Anything for a Kappa sister. Eleanor (smiling weakly) exits. Niki and Walter squabble as they go. Then BETH (38, hugely pregnant) waddles up. JOAN Beth, Dear God, you shouldn’t be here. BETH I don’t want to leave you in the lurch with these bus passengers... JOAN You can work from home! BETH It’s comin’ up thin, Joanie. I don’t trust these two witnesses to give reliable testimony. They claim they saw Kim on the bus but they’re dodgy with the details. I think it’s drugs. JOAN I’ll look it over. Go home, please. Beth waves her hand “Yeah, yeah” as she waddles off. FRANCEY They spot LYLE (40s, persnickety) across the floor, dealing with someone in a very high-maintenance, difficult way. JOAN (frowns) Not worth the headache. (as Lyle approaches) Good morning, Lyle. LYLE It’s 2 p.m. (exits) JOAN No thank you. Beth can handle it. FRANCEY You really need to get going. Here’s your bag, give me those files. INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - ELEVATOR - DAY (CONTINUOUS) As they step onto the elevator, SUSAN (30, stylish legal bombshell in Clark Kent glasses) jumps on with them: We could ask Lyle to assist Beth. We do have two investigators, ya know.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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SUSAN Joan, the forensics guy is still ready to testify. But I need a new timeline.
Susan carries papers for Joan to approve: JOAN
Susan, ride down with us. Defense won’t begin for another week, at least, but I don’t want forensics up there until the end. I love this suit . We’ll start with the H.R. woman, Kim’s complaints about the boss, the other women he assaulted, then the witnesses from the bus, her parents, and then forensics. That’s our strongest piece. I am exhausted. Thank God Harry is handling the move. Wait swap bus and parents. Yes, like that. Oh, these bus witnesses are going to fall apart...
As the elevator opens onto the parking garage, Francey produces a be-ribboned bottle of champagne for Joan. FRANCEY
Don’t work all weekend. Go enjoy your new home. And give my love to Harry. JOAN Francey, this is lovely but totally unnecessary. Car keys. Goodnight. SUSAN Thanks Joan. G’night!
They watch as Joan exits the elevator. And we hold on her walking off into the distance for a very long, odd moment. It creates a strange tension: is something bad about to happen? EXT. BACKYARD - SUNSET Todd and sister ALLISON (34, distracted) talk in her yard: ALLISON
Look, if you don’t pay some sort of rent I’m gonna get grief from Mom. This is how you rake leaves? TODD
It’s a pile. And why is a tiny little room above your garage her concern? Todd’s phone rings: “MOM”. He silences it. She calls again.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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ALLISON She doesn’t want you “freeloading” off me and Chuck. TODD That’s why I’m paying rent! Or why I will. Next week. Half. A third. Now Allison’s phone rings: “MOM”. Allison answers: ALLISON Mom hello. JOAN (ON PHONE) Give the phone to your brother. Allison shoves the phone into Todd’s face: TODD NO! Allison! Say I’m not here! I uh hello, what. I am not speaking to you. INT. JOAN’S CAR - SUNSET Joan is headed home from work. She is lividly measured: JOAN You are coming to my new condo,
tonight. And you are picking up all the boxes of crap you left in your old room that I have now paid good money to haul across the city.
EXT. BACKYARD - SUNSET
TODD (angrily cheeky) Yeah, tonight’s not great actually. And, as you well know, I don’t have a lot of room over here. ALLISON You could jam stuff in our basement? JOAN (ON PHONE) No! NO! You are not turning her home into a dump like you did with mine. TODD I turned your home into a dump - with three boxes. JOAN (ON PHONE) It is FOUR boxes. And your sister and her husband have done enough for you!
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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Todd’s phone beeps, he looks at it. Joan appears (driving, and completely unaware she is on camera). She rants: JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN) Dear God, careening through life, making the rest of us pick up the pieces. You still owe me $9000! TODD Mom you hit the FaceTime button. JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN) I did not! I can hear you perfectly! TODD And I can see you. You’re on video. Joan turns to her phone (in dashboard phone holster): JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN)
No I am-- Oh. Well. I would like you to put together a real plan for living an adult, financially solvent life. TODD And I think that plan begins with not talking to you when things are super crappy for me. Jesus, I lost my job. JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN) TWO YEARS AGO. And that’s a mess you walked right into. TODD How is this helpful? And should you really be FaceTiming while driving? JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN) I AM IN THE PARKING LOT OF BEST BUY PICKING UP OUR NEW TELEVISION. TODD
Oh, congrats. Must be nice. Guess you don’t really need that $9000 back. JOAN (ON PHONE SCREEN) YOU WILL PICK UP YOUR BOXES TONIGHT. Todd deflates (exhale, eye-roll) as Joan hangs up on him. And Allison darts away across the yard to her car. ALLISON
Look, why don’t you just clean the driveway. As rent, OK? I DON’T CARE! (MORE)
ALLISON (CONT'D) MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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I gotta go to work. But don’t do it with the hose that wastes water. She drives off and Todd sighs. His life is in shambles. EXT. SHINY CONDO - NIGHT (9:50 P.M.) A quiet, mysterious night... Todd walks up to a new building: a gleaming high-rise in the ritzy “South Waterfront” area. He grimaces. He doesn’t want to see Joan. He hesitates... INT. SHINY CONDO - HALLWAY - NIGHT Todd steps off the elevator, impressed. This place is swank. He approaches #900, but hesitates: he does not want to knock. UGH. Instead, he tries to slide an envelope under the door... But suddenly the door FLIES OPEN: Joan is WILD-EYED, and IN SHOCK. Very different than the woman we saw earlier. They stare. Finally, Todd holds up the envelope, awkward: TODD Uhhh... I’m paying you back? I can give you $1000 a month for 9 months. But don’t cash that ‘til wait what is going on? Seriously. Mom. Are you OK? Joan is MUTE, SLACK, STUNNED. She turns slowly and goes back into the condo. Todd (mystified/concerned) follows... INT. JOAN’S CONDO - NIGHT Gorgeous condo, great view. Boxes dot the empty space: TODD Hey what is happening? Mom. MOM. JOAN Harry has... I think Harry has... he’s left me. Todd makes a baffled face: WHAT? JOAN I came home, I came here, after work. And Harry wasn’t... but I thought
maybe he was back at the house, or... I don’t know. But he never came. It’s 10 o’clock? TODD Maybe he’s - been in a car accident! We should call the police or--
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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JOAN He disconnected his phone. And deleted his facebook page. I got to looking and he only took one small suitcase. And his laptop. And his - toothbrush. TODD (pause) Where’s he going without the rest of his stuff?
Joan, at a complete loss, just stares at him. And Todd, intrigued, gently slides into “investigator mode”: TODD When did you last - talk to him? JOAN I was texting him, today, about the move. And at 3 - or 4? - they stopped going through. But I just thought... She casually looks into a smaller box - and SHRIEKS: JOAN OH MY GOD!! ALL HIS MEDICATIONS ARE GONE!! I packed this box myself! This box was full of his pills! I-- Todd looks: the box is EMPTY. He looks at Joan, suspicious: TODD (deep pause) What medications? Joan can’t bring herself to answer. She takes a breath, goes outside onto the balcony. Todd follows. EXT. JOAN’S CONDO - BALCONY - NIGHT Joan stares at the distant bridges for a long time. JOAN (grim) Isn’t the view wonderful. TODD Mom. What is this? You’re moving here, together. You and Harry. I mean, unless, are you fighting? Did he leave a note? (long beat) Is he - sick? Joan reluctantly spills the beans: JOAN
Harry has Parkinson’s Disease. He’s had it for years. But he manages it. (MORE)
Mostly. With the medications. We didn’t tell a lot of people, because, well, his pride ... Then, recently, his hand was... So he went to get some routine tests. I’ve been so busy with JOAN (CONT'D) MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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this case, I lost track of... But Parkinson’s does progress. And I... Todd is silent, processing. Joan exits to hide her emotions: JOAN (quietly) I need to use the - where is our new - the powder room. Excuse me. Joan goes back inside. Then Todd frantically dials his phone: ALLISON (ON PHONE) Todd I can’t talk I’m going into surgery. I don’t care about the rent! TODD (hushed) No no no, Mom, Harry -
listen, Harry has disappeared. Maybe he’s, he’s left Mom? She’s - did you know Harry has Parkinson’s disease? ALLISON (ON PHONE) (pause) Yes. I knew. He disappeared? TODD He disconnected his phone and - wait you knew? You knew and I didn’t? ALLISON (ON PHONE) You have been fighting with Mom for 2 years. How long has he been gone? TODD 5 or 6 hours? ALLISON (ON PHONE) (pause, dark) Todd. Harry’s Father killed himself. Like 20 years ago. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and
couldn’t deal with it so he - he jumped off the Fremont Bridge. Todd, aghast, turns to see the majestic gleaming white Fremont Bridge in the distance. ALLISON I - I really can’t talk. I’ll call you as soon as I can.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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They hang up. Todd doesn’t know what to do. He goes inside: INT. JOAN’S CONDO - NIGHT Todd passes the EMPTY MEDICATION BOX and something occurs to him. He mulls this thought as he looks for Joan. INT. JOAN’S CONDO - MASTER BATH - NIGHT He finds her in her huge new bathroom, staring out the glass wall/window at... the Fremont Bridge. Long pause: JOAN (softly) I haven’t lived alone since your father died. A single tear slips down her face. And despite their fight it is too distressing for Todd to see his mother like this. Something inside of him snaps/clicks/powers-on: TODD
OK no. This is not happening. This is crazy this is bananas!! He is not just going to disappear on you. JOAN Todd. Harry may have gone off to... TODD No. He’s not - this isn’t that. Why take ALL your medications if your plan is to off yourself? And his laptop?
NO. This is - something else. And we’re not letting him get away with it. I’m not. Alright, Mom, get out of the bathroom. Let’s get-- Stop weeping. Mom. Come here. Mom. MOM. Todd has taken control. He shoos wobbly Joan along. INT. JOAN'S CONDO - NIGHT Back in the main room, Todd hunts for pen and paper: TODD
OK, OK, he - he has his wallet? Does he have a credit card that is just his? We need a receipt for something he bought with his credit card. JOAN (beat) The new TV. Best Buy. He bought it - online. It’s - there. The receipt should be taped to the top?
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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Todd crosses to the box, finds the receipt, quick study: TODD
5452 OK this is an Amex card. (holds up phone) Hey Siri, call “American Express” from my address book. SIRI Are you calling “Amex Late Payment Department”? TODD
(embarrassed) No no no, just call regular “Amex Customer Service.” His phone dials. And Todd shrugs off Joan’s judgey look: TODD
What? OK Mom, I need Harry’s social security number, date and city of birth, and his mother’s maiden name. Now. Write it here. Right here. Now. JOAN
TODD
But why? What are we... Just do it! Joan writes the info onto a box - as Todd cruises expertly through the Amex touch-dial menus (on speaker). Finally: MALE AMEX OPERATOR Good evening, American Express. TODD (pro) I need to speak to a supervisor immediately about the pending authorizations on my account. MALE AMEX OPERATOR Just a moment, sir. Just then, Joan’s phone rings. She answers without thinking: JOAN
Hello?! Oh, Francey. I - I can’t talk right now, I - Beth? She did?? Well, if her water hasn’t broken then it could be several more days, I-- TODD (hushed hiss) Mom get off the phone! JOAN I really can’t talk. Just email whatever info you have to my phone--
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TODD You don’t have to say email it to my phone, if you get email on your phone it just goes to your phone! FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Good evening, American Express, how can I help you? Joan, startled, falls silent (and hangs up her call). TODD
Yes good evening hello, this is Harry McDonald and I need information about my recent purchases. Where my card has been used today . Trying to keep track of where I’ve been lately ha ha ha ha.
FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Of course, Mr. McDonald, just give me a moment...
JOAN (soft) Todd this is illegal! This is identity theft!
TODD You want me to play by the rules or you want me to find your husband? FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR I see you’ve entered your 16 digit account number, but it appears you’re calling from a blocked number... TODD I am? (winks at Joan) That’s unusual. FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR So I’ll need to verify some information before we continue. Can you give me your birthdate and mother’s maiden name? TODD (reads) Yes, 8/21/59. And Bottlethwaite . (makes face: srsly?) FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Thank you. (pause) And can I get you to verify your home address? TODD Of course. Oh. But I just moved, so... FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Yes, I see a recent address change here. Can you give me the new address?
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TODD The new address? Of course... (reads as Joan writes) 2206. West - Curry. Avenue. #900. Portland Oregon. 97236. Sorry, 23 8 . My 8 looks like a 6. Joan scowls at Todd: her 8 does not look like a 6. FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR (pause) Hmmm, no I’m afraid that’s not the address I’m looking for... TODD
Really? Well, perhaps you have - my home address from before? On Belmont? FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR No... that’s not it either. Mr. McDonald, you changed your address with us (leading tone) 3 weeks ago? To an address in... Gresham, Oregon? JOAN (whisper) Gresham? TODD I called and changed my address to Gresham , 3 weeks ago? FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Yes. TODD Well, there’s clearly been some mistake. I did not move to Gresham. That’s 45? Minutes? From here? (grabs pen) What is the address you have for me in Gresham? FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Mmmm, I’m sorry, I can’t give you that information. (pause) Unless you can verify that you are, in fact, Harry McDonald... TODD (beat, reads) Goddammit I am Harry McDonald born in Tucson Arizona social security number 551-04-8872! And - I bought a TV! Online! From Best Buy! For (balks at receipt) $1147? Not sure why I need such a nice TV when my wife only watches Ellen and 60 minutes but I am me! Harry McDonald! C’mon now!
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FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR (pause) Yes, that all - checks out. The new address I have for you is... 1683 S.E. Carnola Way, Gresham, 97131. Todd writes it down. Joan shakes her head: no idea. TODD I don’t know that address. FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR
Mr. McDonald, I’m afraid you have been the victim of identity theft. And we need to close this account. TODD OK, yes, OK! Wow. (aside) Wait, before we do that - would it be possible to use this card to pay off the balance of another AMEX card? My wife’s son is overdue on his recent payments and... JOAN Todd, no. NO. FEMALE AMEX OPERATOR Mr. McDonald, first we need to bring on one of our security advisors, then-- TODD Oh that’s not necessary. I really have to go. My wife has just fallen - to her death. But thank you. Goodnight.
Todd hangs up the phone. And Joan panics: JOAN Todd!! But now they’ll... They’ll contact the police!! Or-- TODD Great! Let them! Harry is missing! And they can help us find him! Joan considers this course of action. Is he right? JOAN So then - so then what do we do now? TODD NOW we drive out to 1683 S.E. Carnola Way to find your husband. END TEASER
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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ACT ONE INT./EXT. TODD’S CAR - 11:25 P.M.
Joan sits in Todd’s (ramshackle) car staring in confusion at a small YELLOW HOUSE on a quiet cul-de-sac in Gresham. Todd dashes away from the house and gets back into the car. TODD It’s empty. Looked in all the windows, no furniture, nothing. I could probably pick the lock in back, but... JOAN No Todd, no. That’s criminal. 6 months, minimum. They stare at the house - pondering. Joan is sombre, quiet. JOAN
While you were gone I was staring at that garage and imagining Harry inside there. Dead. What if he - hung himself - in that garage. Like Bradley Coopman in that Madonna movie. Starborn. TODD (beat) Like Bradley COOPER in the LADY GAGA movie A STAR IS BORN? Mom. What is it with you and titles? And why would he send his bills to a house where he’s dead? That doesn’t make any sense. (phone rings) It’s Allison. JOAN
No, do not answer. I don’t want anyone in the family to know what’s going on. TODD I’m in the family. JOAN DO NOT tell your sister. HANG UP. Todd silences the call. Joan is frustrated, agitated. JOAN So now - what? We sit here and wait? TODD
We don’t have his phone, his laptop, any of his passwords, we have no other leads, he has a link to this house ... and he has to sleep somewhere tonight.
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They both stare at the house. And wait... INT./EXT. TODD’S CAR - 12:33 A.M. JOAN
(frazzled) This is insane, this is awful. We should have come in my car. This seat is filthy. And what is this junk at my feet? Is this a telescope? TODD It’s a lens. For a camera. A long lens. JOAN (pause) Todd, without your license, you are not allowed to work as a private detective in the state of Ore-- TODD Yes I know that thank you Mother. I’m just freelancing for insurance companies. Finding people and taking pictures. Pays the bills. Almost. JOAN (disgruntled) I had hoped you were getting out of this field altogether. Considering the amount of trouble you got yourself into. (pause) Is it maybe time to reconsider - law school? TODD Jeeesus Chriiiiist, MAHHHHHM. JOAN Todd, your sister is a surgeon . And your brother is the General of the National Guard of Oregon! Couldn’t you find something more dignified than “medical insurance bounty hunting”? TODD MOM - I am a private detective. I am VERY good at it, it is ALL I’ve EVER wanted to do, YOU gave me that copy of Harriet the Spy when I was NINE, and I am NOT having this conversation with you EVER AGAIN. (pause, then cuts off her rebuttal) AND IF IT WEREN’T FOR ME you’d be back in your empty condo right now, alone, with no idea of where your husband is.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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JOAN (pause, quietly) As opposed to where we are. Which is nowhere.
They both fume. INT./EXT. TODD’S CAR - 1:34 A.M.
Todd is tired but focused - and Joan is bleary . She has reclined her chair, taken off her coat and earrings. TODD Who was having a baby? On the phone. JOAN A baby on the phone? Oh, oh. She hasn’t had it yet, Beth, the
investigator on my current case. You remember my sorority sister, Eleanor. TODD No. JOAN And her daughter, Kim. TODD No. JOAN Todd . Kim . She went to a private high school. We tried setting you up back then but she thought you were - odd - and you were busy pining for that “Gretchen,” with the face. Well, Kim is now in a relationship with a - non- binary? Un-gendered? Person ? And she’s been accused of murdering her boss. TODD Everything you just said is insane. JOAN He sexually assaulted her, the boss. She didn’t report it, and then at the office Christmas party he tried to assault her again. So she left, she walked out, and took the bus home. Although that’s been difficult to prove.... Anyway, the boss leaves the party a few hours later, goes to the rooftop of a nearby parking garage... And is shot to death sitting in the driver’s seat of his car.
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TODD Oh . (beat) But she didn’t do it. JOAN No. No forensic evidence, no gunpowder, nothing. But the D.A. found text messages on her phone that said “I COULD KILL HIM.” And she did own a gun once, but lost it 2 years ago when she moved back in with her parents. In any event, we’re trying to nail down some witnesses who saw her on the bus before the case resumes - on Monday. TODD Resumes? What’d it stop? JOAN Yes. The State Prosecutor fell down the stairs at home and gave himself a serious concussion, so the judge granted them a two week continuance. TODD He has a “serious concussion” and he’s coming back to work - in two weeks? JOAN Yes. TODD (beat) That’s quick. I’ve tracked down a few concussed people and if you’ve really got one, you’re on strict bed rest for a month, minimum, guaranteed. JOAN So the State Prosecutor is a liar. TODD If he really hit his head hard enough to get that diagnosis, he wouldn’t be back in two weeks. I’m telling you. JOAN You don’t know what you’re talking about. TODD Mom which one of us is working as a Health Insurance Claims Investigator? JOAN You said you were only taking photos.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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Todd (miffed) grabs his phone, determined to prove her wrong: TODD What’s his name. This concussion guy. JOAN
Frederick Barrett. You’re going to look him up on your phone? Wonderful. Your generation is addicted to your devices. Trying to solve everything with “apps” and “beepMo” and podcasts . TODD He has - a daughter? Brittany? And she’s on - Tik-Tok - of course... JOAN
I don’t know. Yes? Maybe Harry is in a seedy motel somewhere. I can’t keep my eyes open. How do you ignore the odor in this car? TODD (getting warmer...) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. OK. Yes. Oop. There. Yes. Oh hello Mr. Serious Head Injury. Mom, take a look at this. MOM. In a Tik-Tok video, the State Prosecutor’s daughter Brittany does a complicated dance routine into the camera. JOAN (confused) What is this? What is she doing? What is Tok-Tok? TODD Look in the background. There. In the background, a big window faintly reflects SOMEONE on a LifeCycle, doing vigorous exercise (unaware of the camera). TODD Is that him? That’s him, exercising, 6- 7- 8 days ago? Looks fine to me. JOAN
That’s Frederick Barrett? And that’s his... 8 days ago? This can’t be real. TODD
It is. Obviously didn’t know Brittany was broadcasting to the world. Fool. Joan sits up straight in her chair. Her mind racing: JOAN
Then they - then this - is a lie. If he’s not injured, then this is an intentional delay. They’re stalling.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
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TODD Can’t you like, report them for that? JOAN Yes, if I wanted a mistrial and to start all over again. They must be - waiting for something. Some piece of evidence or proof they don’t have yet. Something is coming...
Joan is WIDE AWAKE and ON FIRE now: JOAN
We need to go down to the Courthouse. Right now. Todd, start the car. It’s almost 2 a.m.! OH but who’s going to watch this house for Harry?! I can’t leave you here, you’d catch your death of cold. We have to go! How do we--?!
Todd reaches into his cluttered backseat and takes 2 BURNER PHONES from a full box of same. He quickly sets them up. JOAN What is that? What are you doing? TODD Burners. Disposable camera phones . We’ll let them be our eyes. Hold this: He gives his phone to Joan. Then he gets out and hides the burners in trees facing the yellow house. Joan watches the feed on his phone, impressed. He gets back into the car. JOAN Can you really afford a whole box of phones? TODD MOM. The cars starts (with great difficulty). And they drive off. EXT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE - NIGHT Joan leads Todd towards a back entrance (glass service door) in this enormous, stately - and deserted - cement building. TODD This place is closed. JOAN Yes Todd. But by law, the Records Room has to be attended 24 hours a day. (MORE)
And if you play your cards right, you can sometimes get in there. (tries door) Stay here, I’ll try up front. JOAN (CONT'D) MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
22.
Joan walks off. Shortly thereafter, a BOOKISH YOUNG FEMALE CLERK (29) appears at the glass door (but keeps it closed): CLERK JENNY (through glass) Can I help you? I heard someone rattling the door. Todd falls back on instinct: LIE to get what you want. TODD
Oh ... Yes, I’m Inspector Bink with the Portland Gas Company and someone has reported a leak? In the Records Room. And I need access to check that out. CLERK JENNY (cracks door) A gas leak? Are we in danger? I didn’t smell any... TODD Yes, you should evacuate while I-- Joan appears in the hallway behind the clerk. JOAN Todd. What are you doing? CLERK JENNY (turns) Joan? JOAN
How are you, Jenny dear. The new guard let me in, Edgar. I have a pressing matter - and this is Todd, my son. Can you let us into the Records Room? Clerk Jenny gives Todd a very slow, dry look - now realizing that he was trying to lie his way past her. He smiles. INT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE - RECORDS ROOM - NIGHT JOAN And how is your mother? The bank let her back into her home? CLERK JENNY
Yes, I can’t thank you enough. But I really need to go back upstairs now. Let me know if you need anything. Or if you smell any dangerous gasses.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
23.
She exits, giving Todd a dry look. He is amused/smitten: TODD Is she-- JOAN
She has a boyfriend . Alright, I need you to go down to those red, red-ish, file cabinets, right there. And in the one marked G-M, pull the file for State of Oregon vs. Marquette, Kim. TODD They actually keep paper records down here? Shouldn’t this all be digitized? JOAN During an active trial, original hard copies have to be available for... Wait, where’s the outgoing file log? TODD This is like being in the 1800’s. JOAN I must’ve spent months of my life down here, filing and sorting briefs, back when I was a legal secretary. Once I passed the bar I got my nails done and swore I would never break another one pulling files in dark basements. But, if you know the system, you can read between the lines of the paperwork... TODD I found it. Right here. Here... So. This is us. Kim Marquette, accused of murder. This is Mr. Barrett. They added the continuance, here... Flip through to the evidence log in back. TODD These are actual court documents? Should I be touching these? “Log.” JOAN No this is just paperwork. Now, bottom right, red box. How many pieces of evidence have been logged and tagged?
They each place one HUGE FILE on a tabletop. And Joan cross- checks one set of bureaucratic forms against the other. JOAN
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
24.
TODD
9?
JOAN (cross checks) Hmm. Same here. So maybe not new evidence... Grey box top left. On the back. How many witnesses? TODD Witnesses... 15. JOAN
15? Fif- TEEN ? TODD FIF-TEEN ONE FIVE. Joan counts out forms. She has 16. This is SERIOUS to her: JOAN They’re introducing - a new witness. TODD Aren’t they allowed to do that? JOAN Yes but they’re required to file weeks in advance and inform me. (deducing) They must have found - someone - after the start of the trial. And they’re filing late, and in secret, because they don’t want me to - to find out and block them? They must think - whatever they have - is a slam dunk... TODD So like, someone who saw her kill him. JOAN She didn’t kill him, Todd. TODD Someone who THINKS they saw her kill him. JOAN (reads further) Witness in possession of... Xbd800-MP9? What is-- TODD MP9’s a kind of digital video file. Like from a security camera. Joan and Todd lock eyes, ponder, and piece it together: TODD So they have a witness - who has video - of something bad - for you .
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
25.
JOAN Something bad enough for them to fake an injury and slow down the case. TODD Are you sure she didn’t kill him? JOAN TODD. We should go. I need to-- Suddenly, an alarm blares. A LOUD KLAXON. They jump: JOAN What did you touch?? TODD Todd opens his phone and Joan huddles close. They stare at a small black-&-white NIGHT VISION screen. We see SOMEONE’S feet as they walk in the front door of the yellow house: JOAN WHO WAS THAT? TODD They left the door open... It’s not me! Wait no, it’s my phone! The burners! The cameras we left! There’s activity at that yellow house! Then the person reappears, backing out of the house as they shut and lock the front door (Todd toggles back and forth between two camera views). JOAN It’s a man. Is it... TODD He’s locking the door. What does he have in his hands? What is that? Joan peers in closer. And she just knows (a mother knows): JOAN It’s a baby. Indeed, the MAN (30s, bearded and clearly not Harry) has a small INFANT bundled in his arms. He cradles the baby closer, and then turns and saunters away down the street. TODD Who the hell was that?? END ACT ONE
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
26.
ACT TWO INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - MORNING Todd and Joan walk into her (busy, active) firm. TODD
If that was Harry’s “secret boyfriend and baby,” which I seriously doubt, then why wouldn’t he stay inside the house? He went in - he came out. JOAN (angry) Maybe he was a... prostitute. TODD In flip flops - carrying a newborn . Yeah, no. (looks around) Whoa, the new offices are fancy . JOAN Yes, and you look like a criminal. TODD I have been up all night chauffeuring you around the city. And I have to dress like this. I’m a detective. I need to blend in and disappear. JOAN You’re sticking out like a sore thumb.
INT. JOAN’S OFFICE - MORNING (CONT’D) They enter Joan’s office. Todd sees photos on her desk. JOAN
Our in-house investigator, Lyle , is at the end of this hall. He can get you access to the RMLS website. TODD So... You have photos on your desk of Allison and Jon. But none - of me. JOAN
These are wedding photos , Todd. Get married and I’ll gladly include you. TODD Who’s this one? He turns a larger photo: Joan & Harry’s wedding. Joan’s armor suddenly cracks, and she stifles a cry (rattling Todd):
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
27.
JOAN Just going back to work, pretending like nothing is wrong, feels so - strange. My husband has - disappeared, and I... Panicked that he has upset her, Todd moves to comfort Joan: TODD And I’m gonna find him. I promise. But Joan resists his comfort, and pulls herself together: JOAN No I - I have work to do. (motto) And I don’t let my personal life interfere with my career. Alright. Enough. Kim will be coming back in any minute... She marches out, stiff-upper-lipped. And Todd sighs: Joan’s emotional rebuff is familiar, but still painful. INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - DAY Todd struts through the office like he owns the place. People stare after him: who is that? He swipes a donut from a box. INT. LYLE’S OFFICE - DAY Todd finds Lyle fastidiously organizing objects on his desk: TODD info database. Cool office. Super clean. So can you just give me the logins or you want me to do my search from your computer or what? LYLE (beat, extra dry) And you are? Todd pauses, smirks, thinking he has power over Lyle: TODD Todd. Enright . My mother Joan is your boss? Probably signs your paychecks? Lyle stands, calmly. He is a lion in a snail’s shell: LYLE (munching donut) Hey there, you Lyle? I need access to the RMLS property
Your mother is not my boss. I am an employee of the firm, answering only to the bylaws of the corporation. (MORE)
LYLE (CONT'D) MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
28.
And I do not share investigative database access with non-employees. Nor with former private investigators stripped of their licenses following criminal charges related to illegal wire-tapping and forgery. Todd is taken aback, chagrinned. He gulps, defends himself: TODD I had nothing to do with the forgery. LYLE
Oh, I remember your defense. You were “seduced and deceived” by your “mentor.” You thought you were equal partners in your little detective agency. And you had “no idea” she was making you the fall guy for her criminal activities. TODD (indignant) Yeah. That’s right. LYLE Well, your mother can keep you out of jail but she can’t force you into my office. Good day. TODD Look, this is not company business. I just need information about a house. It’s personal. For my Mom. LYLE
Use of company equipment for personal searches is strictly forbidden. And so is eating in my office. (points) Crumbs. Get out. Lyle closes his door in Todd’s face (then vacuums: Dyson Stick). INT. FANCY LAW FIRM - DAY Stunned and insulted, walking back to his mother’s office, Todd happens to notice a doorplate and doubles back: SUSAN LEE? He peers inside the office. Is that really her? TODD Susan?? SUSAN Oh My God - Todd. Hi.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
29.
TODD You work - for my Mother? SUSAN
I work with her. Wow, I haven’t seen you since we broke - since we, I - ended things. Maybe that’s why she didn’t... Um. But, nice to - see you. TODD (points to ring) You’re engaged. SUSAN Oh. Yes. Last month, actually. We just bought a house. But uh, how are you? TODD Not engaged. Haven’t bought a house. SUSAN
I have to tell you, your mother is such a wonderful woman. She has been so encouraging and supportive... TODD Hmm. OK. Todd spies Lyle in the background - and hatches a plan: TODD A FEW MINUTES LATER: Todd watches from afar as Susan approaches Lyle (in Todd’s stead). While he waits, Todd settles into a (divided) waiting area. And he overhears a (mostly) hushed argument: ELEANOR (O.S.) Niki, the courts put her into our care. In our home. Changing her house arrest would be very complicated. NIKI (O.S.) Say... Would you be willing to do my Mom a favor? You’re an employee here. See, there’s this house. In Gresham...
(furious) She should be with me! She says YOU cry and HE’S yelling ALL DAY! WALTER (O.S.) Who the hell do you think you are? KIM (O.S.) Can everyone please stop fighting?
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
30.
ELEANOR (O.S.) Walter. Go fight somewhere else. Now.
Curious, Todd spies Walter and Niki trudging off together. They close themselves into a glass conference room. And suddenly their demeanor changes, drastically. Walter puts a hand on Niki’s shoulder and they whisper, co-conspirators. Todd is intrigued: he wants more info. He heads towards the conference room, but looks back at Eleanor: she is oddly stoic now, dead-eyed, staring at the floor. Todd finds he can’t hear Niki and Walter inside the glass room. So he improvises a fix: inserts ear buds, activates his phone and deftly slips it under the door (it slides behind a plant, unnoticed). He ducks for cover and listens: WALTER And that is our secret. NIKI
I only wanted to protect her. You said it was the right thing to do. But what if she-- WALTER Let’s just calm down and get through this. If anyone can get her off, it’s this bitch lawyer Eleanor hired.
Todd is ALARMED to hear that: bitch?! Just then, Joan arrives leading Kim and (a suddenly warmed up, smiley/needy) Eleanor into this very same conference room. JOAN Oh, here you are. WALTER AND NIKI Good morning, good morning! Todd scowls at Walter and Niki being fake-nice to his Mom. JOAN
Thank you for coming back in on such short notice. So. I’ve discovered that the Prosecution has a new witness. TODD Oh, you discovered this? By yourself? JOAN (CONT’D) And this witness may possess security camera footage incriminating Kim. NIKI (panicked) I thought the parking lot cameras weren’t working? You said--
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
31.
JOAN They weren’t. Now Kim. We’ve been over this many times - but when you left the party - did you go straight to the bus stop? Did you go near or into the garage? Or anywhere else? KIM (end of her rope) I was drunk. I don’t know. I remember it was cold in the bus shelter. And I was crying. And then, I was on the bus... ELEANOR But she was home by 12:30! I heard her come in. And she was fast asleep by 1. JOAN
(very gently) And Kim, there’s no chance anyone saw you that night - with a gun. You lost your gun-- KIM 2 years ago! My God, what is happening?! I’m the victim! Not him! Joan backs down, stays focused on Kim. But Todd (peeking into the room) notes Niki and Walter trading nervous looks. KIM Look, I can’t remember every detail. I was drunk. But I did not kill him. Just then, Susan finds Todd in his corner and interrupts, surprising him. He hastily pulls out his earbuds: SUSAN
Oh, here you are. I got the info you wanted. That house is a rental, owned by RentSafe LLC. This is their info. (beat) Was this really for your Mom? TODD Yes! Absolutely. I’m helping her with-- SUSAN You just needed me to get around Lyle, didn’t you. Kinda put me in an awkward position with him. TODD I’m sorry. It’s just that I (pained) I lost my P.I. license so I can’t run my own municipal searches. And he...
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
32.
SUSAN He’s difficult, I know. But, I - I kinda like to play by the rules.
Todd fumbles, drops his earbud - and Susan picks it up. She can hear Joan’s voice coming from it. She turns to see Joan in the conference room and realizes: Todd is eavesdropping? TODD No no, I’m not... This isn’t... The whole thing makes Susan uncomfortable. She smiles awkwardly and walks away. Todd cringes at how this looks. But he is quickly engrossed in the info/paper Susan handed him... INT. JOAN'S OFFICE - DAY LATER: Joan re-enters her office, finds Todd working: TODD Hey, so I got info on that yellow
house. The man we saw, “Tomas,” is the landlord. He lives down the street, he is married - to “Rosia” - and she’s on instagram holding their newborn baby. JOAN He was probably out for walk... Trying to get the baby back to sleep... TODD Yeah and maybe dropping off something for his new tenant. Harry. Anyway I’ve contacted this “Tomas” and I’m waiting to hear back. JOAN Your sister called me 4 times while I was in my meeting? What is going on? TODD Oh. Um. Well. She - knows. She knows. (beat) I told her about Harry last night before you told me not to tell anybody. I’m sorry. JOAN (cold pause) You told your sister that my husband has disappeared and she didn’t drop everything to rush and be by my side? That’s lovely.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
33.
TODD She was working all night in the E.R.! Probably getting a chainsaw out of somebody’s mouth or whatever. JOAN Good Lord, Todd . I should call her... TODD
Actually, I just spoke to her. And I think instead of calling, she wants, she’d like - something else. Joan looks at Todd, curious: what does Allison want? INT. ALLISON’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT A big family dinner. Todd and Joan eat with Allison, her husband CHUCK (35, very good-looking dolt), brother-in-law CHET (38, black, stylish) and his daughter CLEM (3, Asian). ALLISON Mom, again, we are so sorry to hear this crazy, awful news. And we will do whatever we can to - support you. I would’ve come last night but this teen girl had a ski pierce her back and go straight through to her... Todd recoils “eeek” (horrified but also delighted). Chuck laughs and tosses a roll at Todd’s head: CHUCK
Ha, welcome back to family dinner, nutso. Whole gang’s together again. Sah-weeet. (to Joan) Wait, so Harry just disappeared in the night to kill himself? So freaky. ALLISON Chuck.
Joan gives a sharp side-eye to Todd, blaming him for Chuck’s knowledge of her situation. But Todd is quietly quizzing Clem (an oblivious toddler): TODD Have you guys been having family dinner without me? Without Uncle Todd? You - no me? Dinner? Joan addresses the situation, smoothing it over:
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
34.
JOAN Well. I appreciate your concern. And it’s nice to have my whole family here, at this time. (beat) Is your brother coming? Chet, is Jon...? Jon (Allison and Todd’s brother) is Chet’s absent husband. CHET No, unfortunately, he’s still in Hood River. Dealing with the flooding. JOAN Of course, of course. His job is very important. (proud) He’s the General of the National Guard of Oregon. Todd and Allison exchange a look: “ Oh boy .” They all eat. JOAN (pause) Hmmm, you know, this wine is
not very good. What about that cabernet I gave you for Chuck’s birthday? And can we please get some nicer napkins? These are so - thin. ALLISON OK, sure, of course. Chuck, get the wine. CHUCK
ALLISON
(whiny) That’s my cabernet! CHUCK. Todd notes Allison’s sigh and head-shake as Chuck goes to get the wine. Allison seems unhappy with Chuck. Todd ponders this (as he continues to drink up the red wine...) ALLISON
And how is Eleanor’s case going? I mean, her daughter. The one that thought Todd was “odd.” JOAN Kim. We’ve had some bumps as of late. The Prosecution is playing dirty and trying to slide a surprise witness into the... TODD (ever so SLIGHTLY buzzed) Niki and the dad, they have solid alibis, right? JOAN Yes, Todd. And they are not suspects.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
35.
TODD But you checked them out, right? JOAN The police cleared them, along with everyone else involved. And we, of course, did our due diligence and found nothing of concern. As I was saying, the Prosecu-- TODD But just for fun, what were they? Their alibis? JOAN (icy) Walter was in bed, asleep. With his wife, Eleanor. He has a c-pap machine which connects to the internet to let his Doctor know he is using it. He was hooked up all night. And Niki was at a work conference. In Seattle. TODD Hmmm. And she has proof of that? Real proof she couldn’t fake? ALLISON What are you so suspicious of? TODD I just don’t trust this Niki person. Or the Dad. They were acting really weird today and frankly I didn’t like how they were talking about Mom. JOAN When were they talking about me? TODD Before your meeting, they were huddled up, talking about “their secret” and “protecting Kim” and he called you-- JOAN How do you know all this? Were you in the room with them before I got there? TODD No. (beat) But, I was - listening in. My phone was in... I “heard” them... JOAN YOU WERE RECORDING MY CLIENTS’ PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS??
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
36.
TODD No, Mom, relax. I wasn’t recording them. Though I should’ve. I was just... digitally eavesdropping. It’s not a big deal. JOAN Didn’t your little girlfriend go to JAIL for something like this?? CHET
I think I’m gonna take Clementine upstairs for a bit. She’s tired, and... ALLISON Yeah, Chuck, why don’t we finish this up in the other room, I... Everyone else clears out, wanting to avoid this argument. JOAN Todd how could you be so stupid! Do you know how many lines you’ve crossed? How many ethical barriers you’ve breached? TODD I happened to see something and I was collecting information - for you! JOAN
After all I have done. Defending you in court. Loaning you money. And you are still hell-bent on destroying yourself. TODD No I’m not! What is this a German opera? I was curious! And he called you a bitch, OK? God, I have been by your side for two whole days while Allison’s “at work” and Jon isn’t even here! But I am! I’m here! Looking out for you when you’re “heartbroken” and in trouble. (aside) Which is a lot more than you ever did for me... JOAN Excuse me? What did you just say? TODD I said I AM HERE FOR YOU in your TIME OF NEED even though you didn’t quite do the SAME FOR ME - when DAD DIED. Did you.
Joan is mortified, heartbroken, furious.
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
37.
TODD “I don’t let my personal life get in the way of my career.” Yeah, very clear, very clear. Dad dies - suddenly POOF gone - you throw yourself into your job, they’re off in college, and I’m at home - ALONE. While you’re what - taking the bar exam? Filing briefs and breaking nails in the court-house basement? I was all alone. And devastated. And now you’re all “What is wrong with you, what happened to you? Why is your life always a mess?” WELL... I mean, seriously, honestly - back then? It was like BOTH my parents had di--
Joan stands swiftly, cutting him off: SHE WILL NOT HEAR THAT. She walks out of the house - SLAM - and she’s gone. Todd sighs - then looks up to see Allison in her kitchen shaking her head at him. BIG FAIL. He shrugs, glum, palms up: TODD It just came out. He sighs, and drinks. Just then a VOICEMAIL alert pops up on his phone: BING! Todd clicks the button and plays the message on speaker. Allison turns back to listen: TOMAS
Hello, uh, I’m returning a call to Todd Mankiewicz? Of the FBI? I’d um, I’d really like to help you with this terrorism situation, um, it
sounds awful. But all I can tell you is our new tenant is not this Harry McDonald you’re looking for. Yeah, our new tenant is definitely not a terrorist. Um, he’s actually a Magician? “Newton the Magnificent”? And he moves in - next week. Allison and Todd stare at each other in confusion.
END OF ACT TWO
MOM & SON ESQ. P.I. - "PILOT"
38.
ACT THREE INT./EXT. JOAN’S CAR - MORNING Joan, upset, drives to her office. To make herself feel better, she tries calling her oldest child JON: JON (VOICEMAIL GREETING) (stern) You’ve reached General Jon Enright, Oregon National Guard (beep!) JOAN Yes hi, it’s Mom. Just calling to say - hello. Not urgent. I know you’re busy. You don’t have to call me back. Bye. She hangs up. Pause. She mutters bitterly to herself: JOAN Not that you would anyway... INT./EXT. ALLISON’S CAR - DAY Allison drives Todd through downtown. TODD Thanks for driving me. My car just needs a new - engine. ALLISON Why are still looking for Harry if you’re so mad at Mom? TODD
I am not looking for her . I am looking for me . I just want to know where he is and what the hell he’s doing. ALLISON You never liked him. TODD Neither did you! ALLISON I liked him for Mom. She liked him. They were - happy. I guess. TODD He was always watching “apocalypse” specials on the Nature Channel. And buying “crypto coin.” Like some kinda doomsday prepper. Not to mention he has disappeared on our Mother.
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