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Dispatches from the Highlands
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Cannatown News
Cure for Severe Munchies Reaches Clinical Trial Phase
order of funnel cakes. receptors is hard to explain in layman’s terms, but you could say this pill tells your stomach that you’re actually not high, and that the only available nearby foods are kimchi and radishes.” Dabright said. Donchafeastitol is not perfect, and in some cases has caused unwanted side ef- fects, such as ravenously-
all eaten to himself, until passing out each frequent each fast food restaurant within a mile radius, returning home with no less than ten value meals to churn through
while watching Frasier. Sam’s story is just one of many. Like many similar cannabis lovers, he faces the unspoken ailment that destroys so many: the ailment of Terrible, Uncontrollable Munchies (TUM). Today, there’s hope on the horizon. Clinical trials begin this week for a new type of pharma- ceutical, Donchafeastitol , that combats TUM, to be rolled out to the small percentage of Cannatown’s worst-hit. Munchies are, of course, the inability of the high brain to perceive that the body is not indeed, starving to death. It can cause any-
increased munchies for people who like to eat kimchi or radishes. Earlier trial versions also reportedly caused patients to consume sand and other undesirable some of those issues," Dabright says. "But it's been hard to hone in completely, and there's always the risk that you'll - ing on things like twigs or pork rinds.” eat less twigs and pork rinds." Dabright adds. If the trials go well, there is a possibility that it
less twigs and pork rinds." - Researcher Wanda Dabright
thing from the basic animalistic grazing to sustain, to an alarming binge. An average stoner can somehow eat about twice their weight in Cheetos or White Castle, and although most don’t, a recent survey of stoned people showed that 65% are cur- rently hungry. aims to decrease the amount whorfed-up post-smake by 25-50%. Researcher Wanda Dabright says the drug has demonstrated surprisingly good results in lab tests so far. Rats ate less cheese, monkeys, less bananas, and a group of Baby Boomers at a Grateful Dead show actually turned down a second
would be rolled out to the public as early as next April 20th, when munchies overdoses are rampant and Little Debbie shortages send shockwaves through the local food supply. “People always eat the most over the holidays. But there are some of us who can’t help but feast until we are lying face- down in a bowl of jello. And those are the people who need this trial to work,” says Sam, hopeful that he, too, will be able to someday turn down funnel cakes. Boinc! , the same makers of commonly used emergency high-canntraceptive sold as Buzkil.
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