- ^mmrfeUnette Acred . . . . — ^ * 5 — fychologist and Marriage Counselor Ohristian CQMMZfinR Center t Pasadena _
I ’ m a C hristian , but something is drastically wrong,” Carl said, as he looked hopelessly at his minister. “ I know it’s wrong to have thoughts like this, but every once in a while I feel like — well, I have a compulsion to commit suicide and get it over with. I don’t know why. I have a wonderful wife and three children. On the surface, you’d say I have everything to live for.” With the minister’s understanding and skillful guid ance, Carl went on to express his concern about himself, and his deep feelings of inferiority. During his first counseling session, all he had was praise for his “ won derful wife” , and condemnation for himself. However, during the second and third sessions, as the minister encouraged him to talk, he began to express strong nega tive feelings for his wife. These were interspersed with remarks indicating shame and guilt for speaking of her in such a way. The counselor helped him to realize that expressing these feelings would help alleviate them. Gradually it became easier for him to talk about his true feelings. The minister learned that Carl’s wife was not living up to his expectations, and thus their marriage was far below the level he had idealized. Some of her “ lazy and careless” habits actually made him shudder. “Maybe I’m to blame,” he quickly added. “ I know I shouldn’t talk about her like that.” During the sessions, the pastor talked to Carl about his relationship to Christ, reminding him that if he would grow “unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” he must be obedient. Obedience, he pointed out, involves Bible study (2 Tim. 2:15) and prayer (1 Thess. 5:17). Carl admitted that his Bible study and prayer life were about as haphazard as his church attendance. When he did have devotions, usually it was in the eve ning when he was tired. The minister encouraged him to spend time in the Word each day when he felt his best.
For several weeks the minister continued to help Carl understand himself and his family relationships. He en couraged him to spend time studying the Love Chapter (1 Cor. 13) and what the Bible has to say about the married life of believers (Eph. 5:21-33), asking God for wisdom in applying these precepts to his own life. He also counseled with Carl’s wife, encouraging her like wise. Carl learned to center his attention on Christ rather than upon himself or his wife. “ I no longer take personally everything my wife says,” he remarked. “ I realize that much of her blowing off steam is because of her past experiences. I also realize that some of her ‘bad habits’ were exaggerated by my perfectionistic eyes. Christ gives me victory and a won derful awareness of His presence. This is worth far more than achieving my unrealistic expectation which were based on my own needs rather than on an acceptance of my wife as she is. Also she has changed considerably since I began applying what God says about love and marriage to our relationship. I feel like the prodigal must have felt when he returned to his father.” “You feel then that our sessions have helped?” ques tioned the pastor. “Most important was your help and encouragement to keep my devotional time daily and to be obedient to God in all things. Through this, He led me back to regular church attendance, and as you know, I have ac cepted a responsibility in the church. I have learned that God’s power is available when I depend on Him and have faith.” Through spiritual growth and self-understanuing, bar riers were removed, enabling the Holy Spirit to guide and direct Carl’s life so effectively that his pastor had the satisfaction of seeing a life and a marriage marvelously transformed.
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