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Finding a Path Forward THE VITAL ROLE OF MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS IN DIFFICULT DIVORCES
At Bruce Law Firm, we place a lot of value on mental health professionals and their work to help those in need. Many of our clients and potential clients are going through the most stressful and traumatic times in their lives. In many cases, they are married to people who might be classified as either narcissists or sociopaths. During these times, they are looking for a way to get out of their bad marriage and find a new life path. First, let’s take a closer look at the word “narcissist.” We realize that very few people have been diagnosed with that condition. At the same time, a clinical definition of the term outlines key criteria we can keep in mind when facing these types of cases. The Mayo Clinic defines the term as “a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance” where “they need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.” Further, “people with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the
Ashley & Christopher at the 2023 FMHCA Conference
feelings of others” and “behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.” Other telltale symptoms of this disorder include taking advantage of others to get what they want through manipulation techniques, believing they are superior to others around them, and making their own achievements and talents seem bigger than they are. Separating from these people is one of the most challenging steps someone seeking a divorce can take. We focus on helping clients going through a divorce by guiding them, coaching them, and advising them in coping with narcissistic partners. Through that difficult process, we help our clients focus on the big picture and the light at the end of the tunnel. We take pride in supporting our clients. At the same time, we aren’t alone on the journey. We know that mental health professionals play a major role. At our firm, we stress the importance of counseling and therapy so that our clients can get through to a more peaceful existence, to what we call “living their best life.”
In the course of our work with clients, we recommend therapists to them through our website at StayMarriedFlorida.com . We also travel once a year to a conference surrounded by therapists learning cutting-edge insights for their practice. This coming February, we will be at the Florida Mental Health Counselors Association (FMHCA) conference in Orlando. If you plan on attending the event, please stop by our booth to say hello, check-in, and update us on your practice. We would love to see you and catch up. We appreciate the bonds we build with you. In the meantime, we look forward to continuing to partner with you. Those who endure a divorce are undergoing a truly stressful event in life — one that is made even more trying when it involves a narcissistic partner. Together, we can support our clients and help them move forward with their lives positively.
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Beauty and fashion trends come and go throughout the years, with some — such as matte makeup, fringe, and ripped jeans — even making comebacks in recent years. The ancient Mayans also sought to be beautiful, but their practices might seem different compared to modern tastes, as they were willing to completely change their bodies to conform to their beauty standards. A smile is a universal expression of happiness, which was also true in Mayan culture. However, the difference came with what you saw when they smiled, as Mayans enjoyed shaping and filing their teeth to sharp points. They then drilled holes through the center of their teeth to insert gems. What Did Mayans Consider to Be ‘Model’ Looks?
Are You Married to a Narcissist?
Here Are Signs You Might Be
When conflict arises in a marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean there is an underlying personality disorder at work. As we mentioned in the cover story, when one partner in a marriage displays narcissistic tendencies, it can make for a very challenging relationship.
These are four signs to watch for to determine if you are involved with a potential narcissist.
You Feel Cut Off Because narcissists believe that the world (and their marriage) should revolve around them, they often leave their partners feeling isolated from other relationships in their lives. You Experience Gaslighting If your partner says discouraging words to you, uses name-calling, or takes on other forms of negative conduct and then pretends none of it happened or blames it on you, you are likely the victim of gaslighting. In many cases, they say things to you to make you feel like you were wrong in reacting to something they did or said, or they claim no one else would want to be with you — anything they can do to avoid accountability and to convince you that they are your only option. They Enjoy Your Jealousy Since narcissists enjoy your attention, they tend to look for ways to make you feel insecure in the relationship based on an outside person. They may flirt with others in front of you or talk about people from their past to get a reaction from you so that they can watch you vie for their attention. They’re Proud Narcissists In many cases, those who tend to be narcissists are proud of it and will admit to having those traits. One of the best ways to verify your questions is to simply ask them, “Do you agree that you are a narcissist, someone who is egotistical, vain, and self-centered?” Often, they will eagerly confirm your thoughts. Whether or not your spouse is someone who could be clinically diagnosed as a narcissist isn’t the most important element. The main point is to recognize the telltale signs of control so you can take steps to address it with your partner.
Tattoos were also considered stylish among Mayans, but they weren’t like modern tattoos. The big difference in their skin designs was that they were achieved by actually carving into the skin to create 3D wounds. Hair accessories were big during Mayan times — really big. It wasn’t unusual for women to construct large, elaborate headdresses adorned with precious metals and gems and shaped to honor local animals. Another Mayan beauty standard relates to one of their prized crops: corn. It is said that Mayans correlated beauty with face and head structures that were long and narrow, much like an ear of corn. To accomplish that, Mayan families bound the heads of their infant children between two boards while the skull was growing to achieve an extended cranial shape that would last the child’s whole life.
Eyes are a universal source of beauty, but the Mayans thought the ultimate set of beautiful eyes were crossed eyes. To create crossed eyes, they put a band around the heads of children with a bead suspended right in front of their eyes. They continued this until the children were permanently cross-eyed. Noses were also a central sign of beauty among Mayans, and for them, the bigger the better. A large, hooked nose symbolized their bird-like gods and was so important to them that they added specially designed artificial nose bridges that were often multicolored and decorated with gems.
Is your friend or client married to a controlling, manipulative, narcissistic husband?
OUR BOOKS CAN HELP!
Beauty is influenced by cultural values, and the Mayans invested a lot of time, energy, and creativity to achieve their vision of beauty, even if that vastly differs from today’s standards.
The book can be downloaded for FREE at DivorceInformationBooks.com
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Authenticity Matters Maintaining Your Identity in a Relationship
fear of abandonment, you may be more likely to endure control. By identifying those emotions and being aware of them, you will be more equipped to move past them.
While there are many components to good relationships, healthy marriages primarily represent the joining of two individuals . And while two people create something wonderful by sharing their lives, neither should be asked to give up who they are. The idea of holding onto your identity is easier said than done, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who has control issues. In those cases, the controlling partner may actually feel that they are happier when you give up parts of yourself for them. While people have the duty to not become too controlling of their partners, both partners share a responsibility. If you’re in a marriage with someone who is controlling, there are things you can — and should — do to maintain your sense of self. Journaling and Self-Reflection If you feel you are giving up more than you receive in a relationship, one of the most effective ways to address that disparity is to journal your feelings. Through journaling, you can identify emotions or triggers for your past behaviors. For example, if you have felt a
Follow Your Interests Are there any activities you enjoy but haven’t been able to indulge in lately? Have you always enjoyed exercise, is there a diet you once followed, or do you rarely get to enjoy time with friends? By reminding yourself of the parts of your life you have enjoyed in the past, you can prioritize those and make them part of your day-to-day routine. Be Open Once you have done the work to identify your needs, emotions, and the elements you’d like to make part of your life, you can talk with your partner. While you can’t control the other person’s reaction or level of support, you can control your ability to express them. This kind of straightforward dialogue can remind your partner of your needs and go a long way toward reasserting equality in your bond. While it can be tempting to give in to your partner’s wishes, respect in a relationship is a two-way street. By identifying key passions and attributes and talking openly with your partner, you can stay true to yourself in the marriage, as well.
df World’s Best Brownies
Ingredients
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2/3 cup butter
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1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 tsp baking powder
2 oz unsweetened chocolate
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 tsp salt
BLF Attorneys Sarah, Megan, Samantha, Ashley & Christopher
2 large eggs
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 tsp vanilla extract
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 F and grease an 8-inch square baking pan. 2. Melt butter and chocolate in a saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly, then remove from heat and let cool slightly. 3. In a large bowl, beat together sugar, eggs, and vanilla, then add melted chocolate mixture and blend well. 4. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, and salt. 5. Gradually add flour mixture to chocolate mixture, stirring until blended, then stir in nuts if desired. 6. Pour batter into prepared pan and spread evenly. 7. Bake for 25–30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
at a Wellington Lawyers event
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Divorcing Narcissism page 1
Mayan ‘Model’ Looks Narcissism in Marriage page 2 Stay True to Yourself World’s Best Brownies page 3
Take Charge of Your Finances With Reverse Budgeting page 4
Master Your Money With Reverse Budgeting A New Approach to Financial Freedom
Automate Your Savings Arrange for automated transfers from your income to your savings accounts on payday. By doing this, you treat savings as a non-negotiable expense, similar to rent or utility bills.
Managing your personal finances can be a daunting task, and traditional budgeting methods don’t work for everyone. However, “reverse budgeting,” a unique approach that empowers you to take control of your finances and achieve your goals more efficiently, may work for you. In a typical budgeting process, you track your income, expenses, and savings goals in a forward-facing manner, allocating your earnings to various expenses and saving whatever is left over. Reverse budgeting flips this process. Instead of allocating money to expenses first, you focus on saving and investing a predetermined amount before covering your expenditures. Here’s how it works. Set Your Savings Goal Start by determining your financial goals, whether saving for emergencies, retirement, a vacation, or a down payment on a house. Consider creating separate savings accounts for different goals to track your progress.
Cover Your Expenses After setting aside your savings,
Track Your Spending Keep an eye on your spending habits by reviewing your bank and credit card statements, using budgeting apps, or maintaining a spending journal. This helps you identify areas where you can make further financial improvements and adjustments. Whether saving for a specific goal or simply building a stronger financial foundation, reverse budgeting can be a valuable tool in your financial toolkit. Give it a try!
use the remaining money to cover your monthly expenses and discretionary spending. This process forces you to be mindful of your spending and live within your means. Adjust Your Lifestyle If your expenses exceed your remaining income after savings, it’s time to make lifestyle adjustments. Look for areas where you can cut back without compromising your essential needs.
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