The Christian Home By Rev. Paul Bayles Pastor, Centinela Bible Church Hawthorne, California
On the A ir . . . from Times Square!
T h e second Sunday of May is in tended to bring honor to our mothers and to our wives. No one would deny that they need and de serve this day of recognition. They receive beautiful cards imprinted with verses so sentimentally idealistic that tears come to their eyes — but they are often tears of frustration as well as joy! Deep in the hearts of most mothers is the fear that they are not capable of the love and patience that the romanticists and poets have as cribed as normal to motherhood. Mo t h e r and f a t h e r are equally essential to the Christian home. To day’s social structure makes the home responsibility fall too heavily upon the wife — at least we allow it to. Father no longer provides for his family by working on his land. Now he commutes to a distant office or place of industry and his energy is con sumed outside of the home. Mother must take the initiative in Christian discipline and training. This is the reverse of God’s order. American homes sadly lack the authoritative voice of the wise, understanding fa ther. This adds to the frustration of the already bewildered homemaker. Romantic unrealism adds its weight, too. As young people grow up in the average happy home, they feel that their parents are almost supematural- ly endowed with understanding and patience. It comes as quite a shock to these same young people, now mar ried, to find no mysterious power has transformed them into the all-wise status of parenthood. They are the same self-centered young couple that they were before. The young mother is quickly dis couraged. The joys of parenthood are not as they were imagined. For long months she dreamed of caring for her own child, and there are real joys in child care. But the dreams of the mother-to-be are too often romantic and unrealistic. The disillusionment is discouraging. The “ event” which made her special in the eyes of her husband and friends is over. She is just a mother now. She feels let down, neglected, and alone with responsi bilities for which she was never ade quately prepared. A period of depres sion sometimes follows. An under standing husband, emotionally pre pared by minister or doctor, can be
of great value at this point. The young mother often feels that her freedom has vanished, that she is trapped by duties that appear mean ingless and endless. Her new role is confining. She seems to lose her identity •—■ and she resents it. The consecrated Christian wife feels sinful for even considering these doubts and fears and tries to repress them. This only adds to her emotional instability. This is natural and not evil. Yielded- ness to Christ is not achieved by being a perfect mother, but in accepting the role of Christian motherhood with its trials and responsibilities and being content. It may take time to achieve this cheerful acceptance. In administering scores of tests to young mothers, a definite pattern has become apparent. Few mothers sense much feeling of achievement or ac complishment in their work. They rapidly become submerged in their duties. They become emotionally iso lated from their husbands. They give up their hobbies and other forms of recreation. They become old in heart before their time. They deeply resent this, but they repress it because they feel that a drab life is their lot. They must learn to express their needs. All the skills of homemaking will be en hanced if the wife feels as if she is still a person. The years of caring for small chil dren pass all too quickly. Then comes the strain of guiding children through the tempestuous teens. Lessons learned “ the hard way” become invaluable. The strain during these years may be less physical and more mental and emotional. Then the new title of “mother-in- law” is acquired. She now feels sud denly unneeded by her children. Happy is the woman who kept a warm relationship with her husband alive during the child-rearing years. Being alone and together again can be richly rewarding. Church and recreational activities can now fill the need for a productive life. Somewhere in the newly estab lished home, the young couple will often say, “Honey, I hope that our home will be as happy and as Chris tian as mom’s and dad’s.” They will not know, for some years to come, the many times that you reproached your self for real or imagined failures.
J a c k
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