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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Cannatown News
Local Man Unsure if He Was Supposed To Win Defense Contract
Random local man Pembody Chenkins was awarded a $420 million contract early last week by the Cannatown Disarmed Forces to produce and maintain new Infrantry Squad Vaporizers, which are used to subdue and chill out civilians or unfriendly people. Although the city spent nearly six months making their nal selection, Chenkins was ultimately doubtful about the contract. “Are you sure?” he said in a released state- ment. “Is this like the lottery?” e infantry vaporizers are based o the Chevel Coloranza ZV3 midsize bubbler and leverage 90% commercial glass, making the ISVs light and sleek, yet durable enough to be slung over the shoulder at Bongaroo Music Festival whilst hanging from a tree, tripping from too many goo balls. Plus, each order will be delivered to customers via UH-60 Blackhawk helicopter. “Seriously,” he was quoted, “ is may be a joke, or maybe I’ve got the wrong number,
but please do not send me any millions of dollars.” “Please, did I accidentally apply for this?” he added. “I don’t know what an EPCU is. Oh, God help me.” Although venture
capitalists have come on board to support what would most likely be Chenkins’ new Dynamics division, retail investors aren’t so convinced on the operation's sustainability. “He’d better get started,” said Chenkin’s father-in-law Barney Miles. “He doesn’ know the rst thing about internal combus- tion micro-engines, much less vaporizer
Aloha, fellow Bittermankind! Have you seen what's going up a Goober's Emporium on Hashting Way? at's right! Vera's Nail Boutique ! If you've been to Vera's other shop in Crystal Cove, you know they have one of the best selections around the metro, including domeless, quartz and titanium! Excited? Shut up, Moira! Get on to this week's puzzle! New Crossword Puzzle from Moira Bitterman
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Across 4. Leg-clothes
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6. Something people build 7. Crunchy peanut thing 8. Use it to buy stu , it's, uh, money 9. ing that you hear out of Down 1. It's like, a ying animal 2. You sit around it to eat dinner? 3. Wax thingy that lights the dark 5. My favorite Beaujolais 6. Room with soap in it 8. It barks, with the four legs
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