Vol 12. Edition 5
News from CannaTown
Page 13
Cannatown News
New Monorail Line Coming To Cannatown Hole
A er years of having to trudge through the miles in the mud, especially in chilling rain, Cannatown residents are investing new infrastructure dollars into a monorail for the Canna- town Hole, the gigantic ex- panse of exposed earth in the heart of the city. Plan- ners say the “Brown” line will open for use around the start of digging season. e service will hopefully solve the age-old prob- lem facing diggers from amateurs to trained trail guides, who’ve lost many a boot in the thick and viscous topsoil. Although out tters have tried for years to sell snowshoe-type muddin’ ippers to enthu-
Workers pause for a quick smake break as they build the "Big Pitty" Central Station.
out tter also launched a local Segway rental business during the early noughts, but the ven- ture failed miserably and some people died. e Brown line will take and pick up pas- sengers at the hole’s four corner stations, each named for a pioneer who perished digging the original hole. A h stop, to Big Pitty in the middle, will open later in the year when engi- neers can gure out how to reach the deep and fairly inaccessible chasm. According to the city website, speci c hours of operation will begin each day “when Charlie wakes up,” and conclude “when it’s his dinner time.” Although not technologically-advanced by any means, the stations are set to have barrels and lantern systems, outhouse plumbing, and up to 20 boot-scrapers on each platform. Pa- trons may bring their shovels and other imple- ments of excavation, provided they bang them on the cement rst. “Let’s face it,” says city planner Laura Barnes, “these trains are going to be lthy as hell.”
siasts, those who dig in the hole o en have de- cried the lack of traversible ground, and have routinely brought the issue before city council during rainy climes. Avid diggers say they are relieved by the ini- tiative. “I used to have to crawl through the muck just to get to my favorite ditch, that I went through a pair of pants every week,” says digging hobbyist Walt Peters. “I even tried a canoe once!” In uencer @CTDitchDigga hailed the rail line as the biggest thing to come to central Cannatown since the concession frenzy of the 70’s. “Boy do I miss those footlong hotdogs,” she wrote in a post, “but I can’t wait to rest my Dungarees on a freakin’ train a er a hard day’s dig.” It isn’t the rst attempt at a transportation system for the sodden crevasse. e city in- stalled a bus route in the early 80s, only to lose three vehicles into “Big Pitty,” the giant central sinkhole, within three weeks of operation. An
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