I
woke up this morning and everything was free.
of frozen pizzas just in case we get down to tongue, tripe, and pig’s feet). The wood is stacked. The furnace oil has been topped up. Cars, truck, and tractor are in running order. Old fridge in the basement is stocked with beer. Got jerry cans of diesel for the generator. If the neighbors use so much free electricity that the kilowatts coming out of our wall sockets slow to a trickle, no problem.
All goods and services... completely free. It had to be true because when the clock radio came on, even NPR was giving away tote bags without begging for donations. I rolled over in bed, happily mulling a list of things I want – and could get – without paying for them! A Learjet... A 1955 Mercedes 300SL Gullwing coupe... in silver... with the black and white plaid racing seats. Come to think of it, I could send all the kids to Harvard. If everything’s free then, presumably, perfect SAT scores are free, too... And, best of all, with no need for a paycheck, I could take the day off. I got up whistling a merry tune, pulling on my pants and thinking, “Soon these trousers will be the bottom half of a bespoke Savile Row suit.” Over a leisurely breakfast I pondered the question, “What armload of the earth’s priceless bounty (now literally priceless ) should I gather unto my bosom?” Fortunately, our family is pretty well-off. There isn’t anything we desperately need . No expensive operation for crippled little Timmy or anything like that. And none of our kids are named Timmy anyway. We live out in rural New England. Like most country folks, we’re well provisioned this time of year. Our pig has been slaughtered and is in the freezer along with half a beef cow from the farmer down the road (and a whole bunch
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I could send all the kids to Harvard. If everything’s free then, presumably, perfect SAT scores are free, too...
I could take my time deciding what no-cost, complimentary, on-the-house stuff I should go out and get first. Funny how old habits die hard. My immediate thought was “money.” (I forgot it was of no further use.) And I drove to the bank in town to get a couple of trash bags full. Guess the bank tellers forgot, too. They’d taken it all and left the bank vault open and the safety deposit drawers pulled out... nothing but bearer bonds and stock certificates littering the floor. No use for those anymore, although Berkshire Hathaway did look attractive at $0 per share. Of course, it will never pay a dividend again. (Not that it ever did.) As long as in was I town, might as well pick up some groceries, gratis . Seems like
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