Now people can simply tap their iPhones to go into debt. “ DEBT-FREE?... WHY NOT FREE! FREE! FREE!
by RVs, camper vehicles, and travel trailers. (I admit, there is a spectacular mountain view from that spot.) Glad I got the hay before everybody moved in. Some of my uninvited guests were chopping my trees for firewood. Some were hauling drinking water out of my trout stream, while others were emptying their RV waste tanks into the brook upstream. And some familiar- looking chickens were roasting on BBQ grills. I shouted at the crowd. But they’d been working hard on the bottles of Sam Adams that hadn’t smashed when they were thrown into the pickup at the grocery store, and they were making too much noise for me to make myself heard. I climbed up on the roof of my truck cab and, at the top of my lungs, cajoled the people to leave. I begged and pleaded with them to leave. I offered to pay them to leave. “Your money’s no good here!” said one big drunk guy. And considering that morning’s sudden change in the American economic system, he had a point. So I went home, got out a key, and opened the one room in my house that’s kept locked. (That said, all the doors and windows will be locked and bolted from now on.) Then I spun the combination on the cabinet safe... If everything is going to be free, then there has to be a new way of paying for things. I put 15 rounds in the magazine and slipped it into my Glock 9mm – the Visa Card of the future.
Niketown on 57th Street in Manhattan had run out of the new $230 Nike Air Foamposite Pro model. A mob was trying to hang store clerks from the fire sprinklers with shoestrings. But a lot of Nike shoes use hook- and-loop fasteners, and it’s hard to lynch a person with Velcro. I had to hand it to the TV newscasters, staying on the air for free. Some people would rather be a big cheese on the TV screen than have anything else. But I noticed the TV stars were operating the cameras and the microphone booms themselves. Not everybody is stupid enough to rather be famous than rich. And forget that Learjet I wanted. I saw on television that all the pilots have flown everything that can fly away to where you can still get a price for an airplane – mostly drug- smuggling countries, where I understand the free market is still operating as usual. By afternoon I was tired of the news and went down to my henhouse. The eggs there have always been free. Free, that is, if you don’t count the feed, poultry waterers, egg crates, two-by-fours and chicken wire to build the coop, and the four days a year it takes to shovel the chicken shit out. But my eggs were gone. So were my chickens. That’s when I heard the noise in my hayfield... I drove my truck up there to see my 30 acres of timothy and clover had been smashed flat
44 | November 2017
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