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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Smells Ain't Free
the fella that’s listenin’ when you start askin’ Homes here what he’s got available in a violet hue. Violet hue ? at’s like askin’ a grey duck who’s a goose! See everyone ‘round these parts just says, “Purp?” en I say “What, you need Purp? I got that Purp. I got that Purp right here.” But this ain’t just any Purp. is is like a swig of pure mash. Picked on the edges of Grape Gorge. Hand-picked! P-R-P, Purrrr-urp! See, that’s why smells ain’t free. And I saw you treatin’ your shnoz to a couple whi s. Pull out that cash, son, I also accept bullion--gold. New customer, old customer. Smells ain’t free, not never . Y’all need that Purp? I got that right here.
Don’t pretend ya’ didn’t see me. You were lookin my direction since you walked in the room and I was showin’ the stanky dank to Rollo. at’s right. I got that Purp. You been enjoyin’ her smooth aroma. And I’m tellin’ you right
By Purp
now, son, smells ain’t free. I shouldn’t have to tell you that! Where you from anyway! You’re in Cannatown Proper now, Jimbo. You never hearda Purp? My name’s Purp. I’M Purp. P-R-P, PURP. I’m
Wish I'd Known is was an Infused Buet
Oh my gawd , did I just hear Denise right? Did I understand her correctly, that all the food over on that entire taco bar is “medicated”? Like, with heavy THC? Oh my gawd you guys, are you telling me, I just ate a half-plate of a nacho mountain, two crispy rellenos and a chimichanga, and my entire weight in sopapillas, and it was all hopped up on delta- nine? Holy jalopies , gals! Why didn’t anyone tell me? I would’ve liked to know that the freakin’ bu et was infused! Did nobody hear my little story about having to eat dinner at Carl’s parents’ house? ey served lukewarm cod! And in the morn- ing the le overs that lugnut brought home stunk up the whole fridge, I couldn’t even be in the kitchen ! And then I had to skip lunch, running to the bank between the massage and jazzercise. Didn’t anyone see me raven- ously eating over here like my life depended on it? I was making up for 24 hours worth of meals in one! Nobody? Gawd, girls. I just wish someone would’ve told me, “Hey, by the way, this food is all packed with a ton of cannabis !” Can’t you agree, Gina , that you’d probably be pretty pissed if you were about to lose your mind? I don’t have time to trip right now, do you? Oh, you only ate half a churro? Good for you , that’s great Jennifer, I ate four servings . Aw, Jeez. I don’t even know where I put my
car keys and jacket. But I should probably get them from the
Moira Bitterman coat room and put it all together and then nd a safe place to sit. Or maybe I should try to make it home rst, before all this kicks in. at’s not a bad idea. How long ago did I order those sopapillas? Where'd my watch go? Did you just play the trumpet? Geez, Linda, who does your nails? You’re talking loud, what did you say? Oh no, it’s kicking in? Oh, cupcakes, girls, it’s kickin’ in. It’s kickin’ in. It’s too late to go home, ladies. Gina, thanks for this makeshi helmet. And Linda, for grabbing my purse--I’ve got it safe and I’m sitting on it. Ooh, tiddles, I may need to go lay down in the broom closet. Oh Tiddles ME. Tiddles me sideways. Did you have the el pastor? I know it’s pork, but is it, like, serene ? Gina! Gina! Gina! Did you have the El Pastor ? It seems like there was something bothering me a few minutes ago. Hmm. Do you think they’re bringing out any fried ice cream? Hello, Margaret? Any- one? Where are we? What are we doing right now? Oh my gosh, gals, look at the spread! ey have sopapillas !
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