The Myth of Moving On: What Grief Really Looks Like
One of the most common phrases we hear after a loss is, “You have to move on.” But move on to where? And without the person we love? That phrase always grated on me, as if I could somehow leave Shayna behind. I knew from the moment she passed that would never happen. Grief isn’t something we “get over.” It’s not a mountain to climb or a finish line to cross. It’s something we learn to live with, to carry, and eventually, to integrate into our lives.
After Shayna’s passing, I thought maybe, with time, the pain would shrink or disappear. But grief doesn’t fade—it transforms. Some days, it’s a whisper in the background; other days, it crashes over me like a wave. And that’s okay. Wherever you are on your grief journey, you are right where you need to be. There is no “normal” when it comes to grief. Your journey is as unique as your thumbprint. Society often pressures us to follow a timeline, to “get back to normal,” but what if normal no longer exists? Many people expect grief to be a temporary detour, but for those of us who have lost someone we love deeply, we know that grief changes the entire landscape of our lives. This doesn’t mean we are forever drowning in sorrow. What it means is that grief becomes part of who we are.
My daughter Shayna and I when she was 13
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