BETTER SiNDAYSCHO USE MOODY TEACHER TRAINING FILMSTRIPS SUCCESSFUL TEACHING eight filmstrips presenting to your
A f i n e Christian couple recently came to my office for counseling, as recommended by their physician. The wife was experiencing severe abdominal pains and unpredictable attacks of fever, chills, and nausea. Complete hospital and laboratory tests revealed no physical causes for these functional disorders. Weeks of inter viewing and psychological testing brought the problem to light. Part of the trouble lay in the area of in-law relationships. At the time of their marriage, a definite break between the bride and her family was forced upon them, because of a severe religious clash. No such break was made with the groom’s parents. In fact, the rigid views, opin ions, and attitudes of his parents con tinually shaped the pattern of this new home until the parent’s shadow completely dominated the domestic scene. Counseling revealed that the husband’s need for his parent’s ap proval was so strong that he sought their interference, even though it was destroying the home and their person alities. The passing years built up layers of resentment in the mind of the wife, which she dutifully endeavored to suppress. Believing that it was unspir itual to express her own ideas and opinions, even in her own home, and being sure that God would judge her if she did, she allowed this hostility to boil within her. Her efforts to sup press it kept her in a state of anxiety until she became emotionally ill, with physical symptoms. The husband found release by burying himself in his work, complicating the situation. The reconstructing of their lives has made happy and useful Christians of them, while before, they were de feated and bitter. They have now accepted their role as responsible adults. What they feel for their par ents now is respect and honor, not cringing fear and suppressed hate. This true incident, used by permis sion and thoughtfully disguised, illus trates the principle laid down in last month’s article, which was a discus sion of a reader’s problem. Perhaps you will recall that a husband wrote that his marriage is being ruined by a neurotic mother-in-law, who uses poor health as a weapon of obligation over her daughter, the reader’s wife.
This is his own diagnosis, m s conclu sions are only hypothetically true, since no counseling has been done or clarification achieved. This is an at tempt to discuss certain principles relative to his problem, but not to solve it for him. The principle we established was that God instructs young couples in love with each other and united by Christian marriage both to “ leave” and to “honor” their parents. We further suggested that it is impossible to honor parents and parents-in-law until we maturely wean ourselves from them and accept our role as re sponsible adults. Until this weaning takes place, what we feel for our parents is usually something other than love and honor. We refer to our affection for them, but more likely it is fear, dependency, in security, or even bitter hostility that we feel. When a young man and woman are sufficiently in possession of emotional health to establish their own Chris tian home, they will feel mature re spect and honor for their parents. The parents will enjoy real honor only if they let go and allow the young couple to obey God’s command. The counselor is not concerned with placing blame. Lest a reader suppose that we side against parents, let this be made clear: it is most frequently a young couple’s immature approach to life and marriage that creates a situ ation that invites parents, who are ac customed to mothering and being needed, to interfere—perhaps inno cently enough. This reminds us again of the value of God’s rule: leave and honor. There are times \yhen it is the couple’s privilege and responsibility to care for the parents. The Biblical thought of leaving parents does not preclude this responsibility. There still must be an emotional weaning and disengaging of childhood depen dencies and an acceptance of adult hood, even though the parents live under the same roof. Usually, this situation arises in the later years of marriage. Happy are all concerned if this leaving and honoring principle has been operative from the begin ning of the marriage. For problems within this area, competent counsel ing should always be sought.
teachers the principles of successful Sunday School teaching. eight filmstrips for parents and teachers describing the spiritual and mental development of the various age groups.
KNOW YOUR CHILD
four filmstrips for all Sunday School workers covering organization, developing the workers, planning the program and expansion. Write for free filmstrip catalog and name of your local dealer. MOODY FILMSTRIPS
BUILDING A BETTER SUN DAY SCHOOL
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