Folks, We Need a Carb Tax by Terry Carroll Grief takes many forms.
explanation, “There’s nothing stupider than a teenage boy.” One also might wonder if there is anyone on Planet Earth who has the intelligence and willpower to stop at, say, 43 chips from a Lay’s B.B.Q. Chips, Family Size bag. If such people exist, I would like to meet them. Given the health risks to grief-stricken seniors who engage in gluttonous potato chip swallowing following funerals, should not our federal government get involved? I have in mind a carb tax, substantial enough to encourage 43 chips, and only 43, at a time — my purchase of Lay’s B.B.Q. Chips, Family Size, set me back about $3 plus HST (as long as I bought 2 for $5.99; please don’t ask). What if a new carb tax raised this to $6 per bag plus HST? Would doubling the price do it? I fear not. However, a carb tax plus the folksy wisdom of Doug Ford could have the desired impact. Responding to summer reports from places like, well, Wasaga Beach, Premier Doug intoned, “Folks, don’t be pooping on the beach.” That is exactly what Port Stanley and the area needed to hear. The carb tax would be one tool to discourage excessive consumption. Hearing the following words from a sweating Doug Ford would clinch it: “Folks, when you’re grieving, don’t be overeating products made up of specially selected potatoes, vegetable oil, seasoning (sugar, salt, dextrose, molasses, onion powder, brown sugar, monosodium glutamate, malted barley flour, torula yeast, spices, corn starch, garlic powder, mustard seed oil, paprika extract, natural flavour).” I believe the monosodium glutamate balances the salt intake, and the torula yeast burns off the fat, as surely as massive amounts of munchies rectify grief. I’m sure the heavenly Donald Philip Archibald Campbell, who counterbalanced excessive cola consumption by purchasing the pop, would understand. *The drive home from the funeral in the Ottawa area takes about 6 hours without stops. Is that an excuse? Terry can be reached, writhing
In September, mine assumed the shape of one bag of Lay’s B.B.Q.Chips, Family Size, scarfed down during the drive home* from the funeral of Donald Philip Archibald Campbell, once upon a time an Elgin County farm boy. According to the chip’s packaging, 43 chips (50 g) give me 23% of my total fat requirements for the day and 12% of my sodium requirements. (The bag helpfully lets us know that 5% or less is a little and 15% or more is a lot). One entire family-sized bag offers 202 chips (235 g). I did the math. In my grief, I devoured 108% of my daily fat requirement and 56% of my daily sodium needs. This risk-taking response to death might be explained in part by the challenges Don offered me during his life. For example, some 54 years ago, when I worked for him at Embrun Farms Limited near Ottawa, he offered to buy me a king-sized bottle of cola if I drank it without stopping, which I did, right in the store. That’s a lot of effervescence. One might wonder what my 19-year-old self was thinking in terms of risk versus reward. It wasn’t as if Don offered to buy me another pop later, one I could enjoy at my leisure, a glass at a time. No, he paid for the discomfort afforded by chugging one bottle of cola right there, right then. Sure, I had bragging rights, but it was hardly like winning a poker game or an arm- wrestling competition. Years later, a psychologist, aware he was speaking to the father of teenage daughters, gave me an Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177 Copy Editor: Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher: Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood Photos, community events and article suggestions welcome. Please email hometown@villagerpublications.com. We look forward to hearing from you. oomers oomers B and EYOND B Copyright @ 2015 Villager Publications. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Publisher. Information presented has been compiled from sources believed to be accurate at the time of printing however the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions.
on the kitchen floor, at terry@carrollgroup.ca.
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Page 14 Boomers and Beyond – Elgin • Septembder 2024
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