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Dispatches from the Highlands
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Cannatown News
Famed Writer Forgets Own Famous Work on Cannamnesia In a ceremony at times both heartwarming and heartbreaking, this year's Bowlitzer prize reception ended with a Lifetime
Acheefment Award honoring retired jour- nalist Ginger Hynes, who doesn’t remember writing his own piece due the very ailment he documented: Cannamnesia. Hynes was recognized for his extensive work covering widespread memory loss due to strong THC. Starting in the late 90’s, he produced a venerable library of articles doc- umenting the aiction, spanning a decade of research. It wasn't long a er publishing a nal report that he held the now-infamous press conference to announce his own Cannamnesia diagnosis--a day he no longer remembers. Hynes was asked to stand and read a passage from his most famous piece, "Why Can't I Find the Door Knob," which itself won a Bowlitzer in 1999. e article brought rst national exposure to the issue and followed ve cheefers through their daily routines at a time when aected rates were starting to soar. Hynes’ further investiga- tion revealed that about 5 in 6 suer from zapped memory while blazed, while the other 1 in 6 is already sleeping. ere wasn’t a dry red-eye in the crowd as he read the words as if seeing them for the rst time. His voice slowed as he came to the description of the ailment, then paused brie y, perhaps in quiet re ection, maybe realizing that he too had forgotten some- thing, or perhaps because he was suering a are-up of symptoms from the Durban- packed stogie in his ngers. It was at that penultimate moment in the ceremony, when his own order of cheese RESINVILLE - Mel Pheezance, CEO of embattled illegal secrets company, Gri & Gra , has vowed to get to the bottom of the now-infamous "Fraudcom" asco in which someone, allegedly impersonating
curds arrived--to which he openly admit- ted, "I don't even remember ordering these"- -that a choking, weeping gasp erupted in the audience. e bittersweet sobbing continued, waning only as the last greasy morsels disappeared from his plate. ere could be no truer portrayal of his work, or the condition it revealed. A erward, several of those in attendance attempted to relate their own stories, although recollection was, on a whole, dif- cult due to the hash-covered fruit platters and ganja ganache hors d'oeuvres going around. Still, for those who could muster the memory, celebrating the journalist in person oered some closure, even if he had completely spaced out. “When it rst came out, these articles touched so many lives because people nally had a word to describe what was happening to them,” con- cluded event host, Clara Barnes. “We’re all fortunate to have such a dedicated reporter with us tonight, to thank him in person and watch him stare at the ceiling for a prolonged period of time.” Pheezance, signed o on a major corruption package worth zillions of dollars. A task force will investigate the fraudulent claims but only a er a relaxing weekend in Cabo, paid in full by friends at Gri & Gra .
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