T A L K IN G IT O V E R with Dr. ClydeM. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of ono of America's largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Pasadena, California. HOW CAN I GET ALONG W ITH A "STRO KE " PATIENT Q. How can I handle a stroke pa tient who is irritable? When I ask a simple q u e s tio n about things around the house, I get some cut ting, unkind remarks. Sometimes she can be nice, and other times very difficult. I have done all I can think of to please her. A. I am wondering if the problem with this patient is actually due to a stroke. There are lot of mean, hate ful, cutting people with long, sharp tongues who never had a stroke. It may be that the stroke has had very little to do with her mean disposi tion. You may be working with a very difficult, maladjusted pe rs on with deep personality problems. However, if a person with a per sonality maladjustment suffers a stroke, then his problems are com pounded. He may be concerned about his condition, afraid of having an other stroke, and apprehensive of dying. He may not have the assur ance of Heaven and a fear of the future. Unless a stroke patient has the peace of God in his heart and the rest of mind that it supplies, his physical condition is only aggravat ed by his worried state of mind. All of this combined tends to throw a cloud over him so that he doesn’t feel well and his frustration toler ance is very low. He will then have difficulty in getting along with peo ple. Sometimes there is an impairment in one’s mental function so that in tellectually he doesn’t think and feel as he used to. If so, he is not normal and you cannot reason with him. This, in turn, contributes to a per sonality change. If you have the responsibility of handling such a person, you might ask yourself, “Why is he doing this?
Is it because he is not feeling well, because he is discouraged and feels he may not live much longer, or be cause his brain has been affected?” Then, as you develop sympathetic understanding, you will find him easier to get along with. Ask God for the enabling grace to be kind to him even when he is difficult. REMORSEFUL HUSBAND Q. Please help me if you can, al though I do not deserve help. I am 18 years old; have been in bad health for a long time. But that doesn’t excuse me either. I had a good wife, a dedicated Christian. She was as good to me as if I were a baby; practically did everything in her power for my com fort. But I did not appreciate her. I was so mean. She just couldn’t talk anything over with me. I wouldn’t give her a chance. She was in bad health, too, but never complained in front of me. So I was surprised when, after she died, our family doctor told me he did not expect her to live as long as she did. Well, she held onto my fingers in the ambulance all the way to the hospital until, just as they started to take her out, she relaxed and wax gone. You can never know the feel ing that came over me. I thought of every word and action that had helped drive her to the grave. If only we had talked things over, it might have been different. Time af ter time she tried, but all I ever thought of was my own selfish wants. I think I really hated people and everything that they represented. She gave up everything in her life that she loved and wanted, and she clung to me. Now she is dead. Dr. Narramore, I can’t go on. Is there any way I can let her know how sorry I am?
A. I cannot fully understand how you are suffering, yet I do under stand to some extent what you have gone through. Certainly this is a time of great anguish and crying out to God. According to your letter you do not have any hope because you do not know Christ as your personal Saviour. As a psychologist, there are many things that I might say, but at a time like this, there’s only one thing that will lift a man from deep despondency. That is to kneel down and to cry out to God and ask Him to save his soul. I’m going to give you a Bible verse which you can write on a piece of paper, I John 1:9: “ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” In other words, if you pray to God and tell Him that you are a sinner, you can be sure that He is faithful and just and that He will forgive you of your sins. He will cleanse you not only from the sins of neglect of your wife; He will forgive you o f all your sins so that your life will be as white as the snow. Mark 2:17 says, “ They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” In other words, if you were whole, and if you didn’t need any help, you wouldn’t need the Sav iour. But Christ has come to heal the sick—men such as you. Some times God permits a death in our family so that we can come to know the wonderful Saviour. Your wife is in Heaven because she trust ed in Christ as her personal Saviour. She has gone on to be with her Lord. You can meet her one day if you trust in Christ too. Don’t put it off. Wherever you are, ask Him to come into your heart and save you.
THE KING'S BUSINESS
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