Dear Diary

I ' m in my kitchen with my newfound freedom of not drinking , day five to be precise . I am in one of those moods where every surface , every cupboard and every draw is going to get it . The dirt you didn ’ t know existed and feels like it may well have been there years , standing out like it never has before and ladies I admit I am mildly disgusted and almost bemused at myself , for sure . In my kitchen , I have this tiny little window that can ’ t really call itself a window as it ’ s stuck behind the boiler and serves no purpose but as I have discovered is somewhere for my husband to store vases and other crap that we cannot find a place for . Although it still it exists so I shouldn ’ t be too cruel ! Accompanying said window is a little token ledge , and on this ledge , I notice a medium - sized vase ( all about context ) full to the brim with corks . Full to the brim with corks . I had to repeat that for effect . Now , I had two reactions to this . Firstly it made me laugh out loud to myself , it was after all a pathetic collection given I had probably consumed those particular bottles of prosecco within a 14 day period ( probably less ) and to any innocent onlooker this vase would be nothing given that it barely represents the level , capability or capacity to which I am able to drink wine . Secondly , it made me think of the way in which we , people , any person really from anywhere in the world ( well most of the UK for sure ) keep their alcohol bottles , corks , favourite labels , cans and so on as mementoes of their drinking . I felt that this was a really ironic if not iconic moment of further realization that the path of sobriety I am on is the right one . It made me think ‘ what the actual f * ck is that all about ?’. A collection of the conquests , the bottles of prosecco and wine that have been consumed as if this was some sort of a triumphant life - altering achievement . Why were they even there ? I didn ’ t keep them , my husband did it but that is beside the point as he is not the only person to do this . Its pure existence was enough to get me thinking , what a strange phenomenon we have got ourselves here . With the long and short of this hoarding of corks echoing the message that ‘ I poison myself with wine every night and I would like to remind myself of this in the future ( because I am likely to forget the fact that I was drunk …)( I don ’ t think so )’ or ‘ I want to keep these for people to see just how cool or how eclectic or elegant my taste is ’ or whatever bullshit we may have told ourselves . As silly as it sounds in the cold light of day this is a real ‘ thing ’ that people do . This phenomenon is practised by people collecting their trophies of the alcohol they have consumed and I wonder if anyone takes the time to wonder why they ’ ve actually done this . Why do we feel the need to look back at the appalling amount that we have consumed ? Did anyone ever really look at this triumphantly or all we all just pretending it is something to be proud of whilst our anxiety chokes us from the heart to our brain . Imagine for a second an event where you win a trophy for all the drinks lids , bottles , corks and memorabilia you have collected over the years , this is a scary thought to say the least . I can hear it now , up on the podium . And the gold medal goes to …. You can keep your gold , silver and bronze on this occasion , it doesn ’ t feel much like a victory . So I tipped those corks in the bin and today I will buy some flowers for that poor bloody vase who, if it could talk I am sure would agree that its life thus far has been wasted collecting trophies of the reckless kind. I will also say a non - religious prayer for the corks , however , whose last journey was from the vase or whatever meaningless vessel they have in your home , to the bin , where they will stay forevermore with only each other as company . Poor corks .

Lots of Love Emma xxx

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