Dear Diary ,

It ' s Wednesday afternoon and I believe I have never experienced anything like this . The scene is an English country manor , hidden behind its grand stature is the greenest grass I may have ever seen . Surrounded by the grass and the trees that have been there hundreds of years and could tell a thousand stories , they arch marvellously round the glorious pastures . The sound of the birds fill my ears and in the not so far distance a reminder of where I am as the traffic on a busy motorway quietly buzzes but it could be a million miles away . I ' m sat on the old worn - out bench taking in the beautiful tranquil view when I notice a tiny money spider crawl across my thumbnail , small yet so significant , I hand her back to the earth gently onto the rotted wooden bench I ’ m sat on and know she ’ ll be happy there . Almost immediately I notice , to my right a ladybird , perched next to me . At this stage , I feel like something out of snow white and marvel at her beauty . take a photo or three of the ladybird and smile to myself as I think of how connected I feel and just how gorgeous she is but has no idea whatsoever . I love the earth but often I do not take the time to appreciate it and this was a moment of appreciation for sure . I get up and walk far , far into the middle of the field leaving the manor behind me . There is just me and the land now . The sun behind a cloud shines in my eyes as the wind reminds me of the great British weather and not to get too comfortable . I close my eyes to take in the moment and I feel the sun grow warmer on my face . This sounds like a cliché and perhaps it is but wait for it , it gets so much better . I smile and express inward gratitude to be connected to the earth , to be sober today . As I do this the sun shines on my face again , a little hotter this time , somehow to let me know it ’ s there , the wind not wanting be left out threw out a big gust blowing my hair into my face , yet was not cold enough to stop me from standing there still or drive me away . I thought how amazing , how coincidental and how beautiful . I keep my eyes still closed determined to carry on .

The sun obviously not already content with its impressive show of generosity blazed for the third time . This time it felt like it was lighting up my face , getting hotter and hotter and I wasn ’ t sure if it would ever stop . Each breath I willed it to stay . She was shining to show me , I was not alone . The wind clearly as competitive joined in and for a moment the sunlit my face , my body and the wind swirled around me , both growing stronger and stronger . This is the earth , my earth . I didn ' t want the moment to end but I knew the sun and the wind couldn ’ t keep it up forever , although I wasn ’ t so sure . I opened my eyes , somehow I felt cleansed . It ’ s hard to explain , so I took a picture of the sun and the sky as it peered down on me after those few moments . I am not sure I will ever forget it but will be forever grateful and my pictures will all serve as a reminder . Sometimes we can feel alone in a crowded place when with our families our friends yet sometimes we can stand alone in moments like this and be as connected as we have ever been , no longer alone but with nature , our universe .

Lots of love Emma xxx

On February 25th, 2021 Emma reached out to Hola Sober our website and Susan starting sending daily emails and regularly seeking updates. When Emma was invited to a support group among like-minded women, Emma came into the room and has been doing FABULOUSLY ever since. "When bars are open, I’m the sort of woman who loves to sit on my own and watch the world go by over 2 wines or cocktails but if the mood takes me I could end up just staying there and leaving my car. Not often but I’ve been known to. I've two little children and want to be healthy and present for them just like I am for everyone else. I want to stop living a double life. When I don’t drink, I truly love it and cannot understand why I even start again. This is why I need some help. The thought of giving up drinking for life terrifies the life out of me. " Lot of love Emma

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