CANNAPAGES May/Jun 2022 Edition - Phoenix/Tucson/Flagstaff

Page 8

Dispatches from the Highlands

$4.20 Cents

By Hugh Jollydab

Opinion: I'mWritingThisFromMyBunker Aloha Jolly-dabbers, I don’t know if you read the news on your phone, but apparently the whole world is going to shit! Did you hear about that? Yea. First my KIA dies and now this. I dunno, I’m typically a pretty optimis- tic guy about stu, maybe it’s all the wax I roll with my doobies. But now I’m not sure. And to show you just how unsure I am, I’m writ- ing this frommy underground bunker! So I had this huge hole in the back of the yard from when I tried to dig my own pool, remember that? Huge ordeal. rewmy back out for a whole week or two. But the other day I was lookin’ at the thing, thinkin', dang, I gotta do something with this thing, when I had an epiphany that I could probably t a couch down here. And sure enough then I got a few other things like an old TV and that old coee table with the three legs, and made er' all nice and cozy. en I got to thinkin', man, if I just throw a few sheets of plywood over this thing I’ve got myself a pretty good bunker. Only problem was, I didn’t know how to seal it o. Or really what to put over it. And it ended up getting pretty muddy aer the rst time it rained hard. ‘Course, all the electricity went out and the TV stoppedwor- kin’. I didn’t have much for emergency food stored in there yet except for a big bowl of Cheetos, and those got mad soaked. I still ate em’, or a couple of 'em, but it was terrible, it was terrible. But yea, now that the world’s goin’ to hell, I feel pretty good knowin’ I got an extra layer of protection, a place to chill when it all goes down. Might not survive a bomb, or even baseball bats or sts or acid rain, or any rain, but yea, it’s a legit bunker, at least there’s that. Kinda dull, not gonna lie. I'm really not sure how I’d possibly make it through a legit war if I couldn’t plug in for some Elden Ring. And until I get a new extension cord, that ain’t hap- penin’ anytime soon in this bunker. Now I feel like all those people did back when they thought the bomb was gonna be droppin’. Just wait for the alarm to sound and duck and cover right?is is real, bro, this is happening. You gotta have a contingency plan. Plus, I got some tasers back here behind the couch, but I’m afraid to try ‘em out until the mud dries. OTHER HEADLINES

e Highest Authority Since 2009

Cannapages is a JohnsonConcept Company Local Publications Greater Denver & Boulder Co Springs-Pueblo-Trinidad Phoenix-Tucson-Flagsta Published by

Nathan Johnson Micah Johnson Isaac Johnson Production Andrew Yanez Sales Director Dillon Rice Customer Success Molly Norton Market Sales Jamie Price Lead Developer Mike Morris Contributors Dan Henrickson Matthew A. Erickson Rolv Harris Cover Art Justin Redmon FIND MORE ONLINE CANNAPAGES.COM and CANNASAVER.COM Editorial Board editors@cannapages.com Sales & Advertising sales@cannapages.com Oce | 1-800-699-8169 info@cannapages.com Copyright 2022

Crypto introduces new type of economic indicator Experts: Beware, the "Flamingo Market" cometh May TV Sweeps Week: Cat videos beat war footage CDC recommends hot baguette with camembert

pg 150 pg 157 pg 166 pg 171

Chesney still sleeveless

**Brought to you by Gaggitz Burgers** “Home of the toothpaste milkshake!”

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publica- tion may be reproduced or reprinted without expressed written consent of the publishers.

Made with FlippingBook Learn more on our blog