studies, and I was taking those personality tests in areas like romance, I scored way off the male charts onto the female charts. That made me very comfortable. Particularly when my professor thought that was so interesting, he posted my charts for all the class to discuss. But you’ve got to understand this; romance is never the cause of a good marriage; romance is the result of a good marriage. Romance is never the cause of a good marriage; romance is the result of a good marriage; and if you look to romance to form for you a good marriage, you’re going to be anxious, discouraged, freaked-out, disappointed, and ultimately hopeless. Romance is a result, not a cause. Now this is one of these passages that you can understand every word in this little passage, this principle, and not understand the principle. And the tricky word in that statement is the word ‘worship.’ What in the world does it mean to say that a good marriage is rooted in worship? What does that mean? Well, think with me; when you hear the word ‘worship,’ what do you think about? Most people, when they hear the word ‘worship,’ they think about a Sunday morning or a Saturday night, if you go to a real cool church, activity. And what you need to understand, this is very important, that worship is first your identity before it’s ever your activity. Worship is your identity before it’s ever your activity. You are a worshiper! Now that means you don’t just worship on Sunday; it means you worship your way through every moment of every day of your life. You could argue that the only thing a human being ever does is worship. Now what does that mean? It means I’m always attaching my identity; I’m always attaching my meaning and purpose; I’m always attaching my inner sense of well-being to something. I’m always serving something; I’m always in pursuit of something. You say, “Well Paul, I sort of get that, but I don’t know how that connects the marriage?” Well, here’s our first passage. It’s an incredibly helpful passage of Scripture; let me read for you. (Luke 6:43) For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit, each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Now, let me give you the helicopter view of this important passage of Scripture. Here it is. Jesus is saying that your words and behavior, wife,--and your words and behavior, husband--are more formed, shaped, caused, directed, by what’s inside of you than what’s outside of you. Your words and behavior are more caused by what’s inside of you than what’s outside of you. Now, no one believes that. I’m counseling, let’s say, a couple that has an angry, tense, conflictual marriage, and I ask the husband what’s wrong with his marriage, whom do you think he’s going to talk about? He’s not going to talk about himself; he’s going to talk about his wife because he’s convinced that the things he’s doing are caused by her. And if I ask the wife what is wrong with her marriage, she’s not going to talk about herself; she’s going to talk about her husband. Now, at that point, as a counselor, I’m out of a job. Do you understand why? Because, there are no seekers in the room. The husband is only there to get his wife fixed; the wife is only there to get her husband fixed; no one actually wants my help. How can you have two utterly righteous people and a messed up marriage? What’s up with that? It doesn’t make any sense. Hear this radical truth. This is the place we’ve got to start. Wives, look at me, I mean it. Your husband is never the cause of what you do and say. He may be the occasion, but he’s not the cause. Husbands, look at me. Your wife is never the cause of what you do and say. She may be the occasion, but she’s not the cause. Enough of the blame game; enough of keeping lists; enough of pointing fingers; it does not work. Now to help us understand what He’s talking about, Jesus says, “Don’t you understand you live out of the heart; you speak out of the heart?” Now what is He talking about there? What is this thing, the heart, that He is talking about? Well, the Bible essentially divides the human being into two pieces: Your outer man and your inner man. Your
Transcript: Session 1
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
3 7
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs