Here’s the second thing. If that’s true, then sin is antisocial in its fundamental form. Sin is antisocial in its fundamental form. I was meant to live an outward and an upward life, upward in worship to God, outward in self-sacrificing love of neighbor. But sin turns me in on myself; sin makes me all too self-focused, all too self- absorbed, all too self-centered. It’s actually an unrelational way of doing a relationship. Now, this is very important. That means that my big problem in my marriage is not my husband or my wife. In fact, it means that the biggest problem I have in my marriage, the selfishness of sin, I drug into my marriage; I brought it with me! I brought those antisocial instincts into marriage with me. Here’s where we have to go, and I include myself on this; I gave empirical evidence of this even this week. God help me; I mean it. That you have to say, “That as long as sin still lives inside of you, and it does, you carry inside of you something that’s destructive to relationships, and you need help. As long as sin is inside of you, you carry something inside of you that’s potentially destructive to relationships, and you need help; all of us need help. I wish I could say that everything I have done in my marriage is loving, and kind, and patient, and sweet, and good, but it’s not. There are moments of shocking impatience, shocking selfishness! There are words that I have said that I wish I could take out of history and take out of memory that I deeply regret because that destructive thing still lives inside of me. The DNA of sin is selfishness. That means sin is antisocial in its fundamental form. Here is a third thing. That means it will cause you to dehumanize that other person in your marriage. It will cause you to dehumanize that other person in your marriage. You say, “Paul, what in the world does that mean?” It means this--that your spouse quits being the object of your affection; they get reduced down to being a vehicle or obstacle. If they’re a vehicle helping you get what you want, you love them; you thank God that they are in your life…cards and flowers, maybe even an occasional box of chocolate. But, if they stand in the way of what you want, you’re spontaneously irritated, and you lash out. I mean, think about this; have you ever had someone give you the silent treatment? Because somehow, someway, you got in the way of their sovereign plan, and you say to them, “My, you’re quiet.” The person says, “Is it a sin to be quiet?” That’s a clue! You say, “I think we need to talk.” They say, “I don’t want to talk right now.” You say, “I think you’re angry.” They say, “I’m not angry. It makes me so mad when you accuse me of being angry. I’m just being quiet, and I would suggest you be quiet too.” “I think we need to talk.” “You do not want to talk to me, right now!” Now, what’s happened there? This person has gotten in your way, and you’re not going to stab a knife in their chest, but you’ll ascend to the throne of God and act as if that person is dead for as long as it takes you to satisfy your vengeance. Pretty ugly! Or maybe you’re the wife in the marriage, and your husband did something that hurt your feelings as he left the house that morning, and you’re now making dinner for him anyway, although you don’t think he deserves it, and you’re slamming the pans around. “I can’t believe he would treat me that way.” All of a sudden, making dinner has gotten more percussive—ba-doom, boom, boom! And you want him to come in the kitchen and say, “Is there something wrong?” And you are thinking, “Are you an idiot?” Now if you pay attention, you can see how universal this is and how young this selfishness operates. I was a
Transcript: Session 3
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
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