Birthday Parties & Special Advice
Raising a childwith a special need certainly has its ups and downs. An impending birthday party, either for your child or a peer, can be a roller coaster ride of emotions for both you and your child. Will anybody show up? Will my child be able to participate? Will he have a melt-down? These concerns are all natural, but with creative planning and realistic expectations, your child can be a part of the fun. If you are hosting…. Let your child guide the planning. What does your child like?What is he able to do? If your child doesn’t like chaos on a daily basis, they certainly won’t have fun with a house full of kids amped up on cake and ice-cream! Not all parties have to look the same. Depending on the need or the situation, consider inviting just one or two children over for a birthday dinner, or go to a concert or sporting event. You can still get a cake and decorate, even if there are only a few guests. If you are hoping to use the party as a springboard for friendships, consider inviting several children, but try and connect with parents ahead of time. By talking with parents, you will have a better idea of who is planning on attending. If you are inviting your child’s entire class, consider what activities will be fun and appropriate for all invited. Ask your child’s teacher for ideas. Be realistic about the time frame! The party doesn’t have to last three hours and provide ameal for kids! One hour of a great time is better than two hours that feels like ten. If there are rituals or medications built in to your schedule, make sure to plan your party around them. Nothing spoils the fun like a child yelling at the guests to be quiet because it’s two o’clock and his favorite show is on, or having to pull away the birthday child because it’s time for medication. When your child is invited…… When a party invitation comes home, it can be so exciting! Your child was invited to a birthday party! Someone likes him! Then enthusiasm gets replaced with worry. What if my child has to use the bathroom? What if the hosts serve foods containing red dye?What if the party involves physical activity? These concerns are normal, and it will help to talk with the party hosts. Stick with discussing what will likely be an issue instead of what may or may not happen. For example, would contact with latex party balloons cause a serious problem? Speak up. Are there triggers that would cause a seizure or meltdown? Share this information with the host. If it does look like the party is one your child will not be able to attend, offer another time your child can celebrate, or consider coming for the beginning or end of the party.
After you’ve talked with the host family about your child, you will get a better feel for how they will respond to your child. If it would help your child to visit the house before party day, ask if that would be possible. Or, ask if you and your child could arrive a little earlier to help your child adjust to the surroundings? Ask if it would be alright for you to stay for a bit. Most parents will not turn down help for a child’s party, especially if the party is at an alternate location. More than likely, it will make the host feel better having you there for your child. The trick is to make sure you take a back seat to the fun; give your child some room to be with the other children without your hovering over him. If something does go wrong - and it might - remember your child’s perspective. Birthday parties come with a lot of pomp and circumstance. For most children, talking about the big birthday party is exciting and part of the fun. For some children with social disabilities, however, it only increases the anxiety, to the point that the idea of going to the birthday party becomes traumatic. In this case, downplay the party, listing it as one of the errands taking place that day. Go to the gas station, run by the party, and stop in. Tell your child you are stopping by the party for fifteen minutes and that then it will be time to go to the store. If your child does have a meltdown, it can be frustrating for you but confusing for the birthday child. Asmuch as youmight want to convince your child to stay, or even demand that they stay, consider the birthday child. Is this really what you want him to remember about his party? Cut your losses, thank the host, and stay positive. While your instinct may be to start crying, put that on hold for later. Consider the fact that your child tried to attend the party, which in itself may have been a new accomplishment! If it’s possible, talk with your child about what went wrong, and try to use this as a teachable moment.
Written by: Julia Garstecki
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