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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Cannatown News
A Town Grapples with 10 Feet of Popcorn
e Highest Authority Since 2009
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It began with a dull roar. From corners of the adjacent corn maze, then up along the walls, to the tops of the palace itself, the tiny pops soon became a deafening 12 minutes that shook the town as the sun ripped the seeds right o each husk, hurling them all into the air like blunt projectiles. e combined force of an estimated three trillion popcorn seeds all popping in unison shattered windows for a mile, not to mention ear-drums, and the ensuing avalanche of bursting kernels buried the town, stopping life in its tracks. A hazy dust preceded the wave. Visitors ran for cover, gripped in fear of the atrocities surrounding them, but there was no cover to be taken, other than hastily setup vendor tents and the occasional smaking van. ose that found their automobiles immediately drove into other parked cars. No movement could be made, as if cit- izens were trapped in thick fog, when kernels began to rain down. It smashed roofs and cars, took down trees and ooded into the subway like a gushing tsunami. It soon moved down Doobie-Doo Ave., then up to Neighborstash Rd., devastating all in its path. ousands scurried out of its way, far from the event, and into the neighborhoods surrounding the Corn Palace, dispersing over the next few hours. Some are still reported missing. ere is an eerie silence now, as all business, bus lines and roads are shut down and the University has delayed classes. Local leaders are preparing to guide the city through this rough time; see further in for more on the damage, and recommendations from the city. (Cont on Page 10) OTHER HEADLINES Gnarsdale man demands $10k D&B Arcade debt forgiven Whac-a-mole, Primal Rage seemed "wise at the time" pg 150 Amazon and WB! team up to disembowel a classic pg 157 Classi ed docs were receipts from Wendy's pg 166 IRS to enlist confused militias pg 171 **Brought to you by Ernie's Hardware** “ e safest chainsaws for day-time cannabis smakers”
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