I began to see glimpses of the old me coming back. I had new confidence. I started to like myself, and the chatter telling me to drink started to quieten down. I still had moments of doubt, but in those moments, I reached out to my sober sisters, I read books, I listened to podcasts, and I began writing about my experiences. The days began to carry on into months, and eventually a year. I rarely look at my day count now, and I think my drinking app thinks I have forgotten about it. Sobriety has given me so much. I now just move forward knowing that I don’t ever have to be there again. It is not something to be missed. When you get past your Day One, hold on to that feeling. Embrace it, know that you are starting to experience your “click.” Do the work, talk, and more importantly, listen to your sober sisters. Don’t engage with your internal chatter. Try and stay positive. When you feel down, always play it forward. How will you feel if you have that first drink? Will it just be one? Would you be happy with just one drink? I know I wouldn’t. Take it a day at a time, educate yourself, learn about the dangers, read the Hola Sober magazine (there are lots of back issues available for you). Most importantly, stay connected: when we isolate ourselves, relapse can happen. Hold on to your “click” as it will save your life.
By 6 pm I would be tucking into my first glass of wine for the night, and it was never just one or two. The cycle would then repeat the next day and the next. So, what changed this time? Why did my sobriety “click.” The first reason is that I was so tired. I was tired of this ritual, I was tired of these conversations, I was tired of the weary look in my husband’s eyes. I was tired of feeling awful. The second reason is that I reached out and asked for help. I found Hola Sober completely by accident. I was googling another group and the Hola Sober website popped up. I found the courage and emailed Susan and was surprised when she replied. Susan then introduced me to Linda, and I had the start of my sober gang. Of course, it wasn’t easy: I still craved a drink, and the conversations were still chattering away in my head. But gradually day one became Day Two, Day Two became Day Three and my sober app breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t constantly being re-set. I needed a total thought re-set, and speaking with my sober sisters helped me to find that. When I would listen to ladies who had been sober for years talk about their gratitude, I began to take it in. Would I ever be grateful? In the beginning, I was furious that I couldn’t drink like a “normal” person. Would I feel powerful like the other ladies? Because I really didn’t right then. I felt scared, worried, and so fearful that I would drink again.
Gradually, my thought process changed, my whole outlook changed.
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