I was the only person in the room who wasn’t offered a pomegranate margarita (besides the children). Then the shots of tequila came out. My book had just been published, and in the middle of taking shots, my ex’s partner asked me how my book was doing. Her son asked me what my book was about. It was awkward to say the least when I told him The Other Side of Alcohol. I left after dinner, feeling a bit sad but grateful for that comfortable bed at the hotel. And I woke up without a hangover, knowing that was not true for most of the others. Fast forward to this past weekend when we had a family gathering to introduce and welcome Brett’s future mother-in-law to our family. Many of the same people who were at Thanksgiving were there, sans children. On Monday before the meet up, Brett called and said, “Mom, I wish you could bond with Anna over a glass of wine.” I told my beautiful son that I don’t need alcohol to bond with anyone anymore. His words reminded me that it was less than four years ago that I had that same faulty thinking. When the celebratory tequila shots came out, I was a little uncomfortable at first, but that feeling dissipated quickly. My ex thoughtfully brought me a six-pack of Athletic NA beer, so I poured myself a glass. When my ex’s partner’s son told me he had read my book and really liked it, I felt a tremendous sense of pride. True knowledge of who I am. I smiled when the same son was worried when he saw me drinking beer until his mom told him it was alcohol-free. I noticed a huge shift in my personality away from feeling like I had to be the entertainer, the comedian, or the center-of-attention storyteller to being the interested observer – a way of being that fits my extroverted- introverted side so much better. Instead of worrying about not fitting in I decided to choose someone in the room-- my son’s best friend Pat
--and had a meaningful conversation with him, something that wasn’t possible after several drinks. I found myself really listening to what he had to say, forgetting all about feeling any kind of self- consciousness. The thought of being the only one in the room who wasn’t drinking became irrelevant. The next day Brett told me how much Pat enjoyed talking with me. In my drinking days, I often didn’t eat so that I could drink my calories – not such a wise choice: without food, I got stupid drunk much faster. Without alcohol, I enjoyed every chicken wing and a slice of homemade pizza made with my favorite pineapple, red onions, and pepperoni toppings, cooked to perfection in Brett’s new pizza oven. The Athletic “Free Wave” my ex brought was a perfect pairing. And the next day, my ex, his partner, and I went to see our grandson Noah play in a baseball tournament. I enjoyed the sunshine, every inning, every pitch, every hit, every play, every steal, every run, and even every error. I was fully present. And I NOTICED things. I watched with gratitude the bond between my oldest son Matt and his father. The bond between Matt and his son Noah. I noticed how easy my friendship is with my ex’s partner. With my former brother-in-law. Sobriety has given me the gift of being comfortable in my own skin. I like, love and respect the person I have become.
I drove home with a full heart.
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