HIKING IN TO RECOVERY BY CARRIE NICOLE MAY
BE BRAVE “Then take me in.” Those chilling words uttered from my mouth in a crowning moment of vulnerability. My husband’s eyes lighting up with hope…and fear. I didn’t intend for April 3, 2016 to be the day I entered sobriety, yet there it was. It was the day I finally threw up my hands and asked for help. My husband and family reached a limit. No discussion needed; it was the end. I checked myself into rehab (gasp) for 23 days. My mother flew across the country to watch my children (11 and 8 years old at the time) and I took a leave from work as a Nurse Practitioner.
My whole adult life I drank. It was considered normal. It was expected. I remember the time period when my switch flipped, as they say. It was when we moved a town over for better schools. My usual social anxiety revved up and I remember wanting to ‘fit in’ with the other soccer moms. It was like being back in high school with all the insecurities and nuances. My drinking picked up. So did my anxiety.
When my husband confronted me on my drinking, I switched the subject. When he pushed further, I tried to moderate. When he and my daughter pushed really hard, I went into full blown sneaking and denial. Highly functional is apropos for the term that could describe me. sober.
-BE BRAVE-
Photographs by Hayley Haws. Instagram @hayhaws
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