The work is quite feasible, and it is the only thing in our power…Let go of the past. We must only begin. Believe me and you will see.” In our sober attempts, we are afraid to really try because we fear we will fail. The perfectionist and people pleaser that I was would rather destroy myself than admit I was struggling. So, like a teenage fool, I would make a half-hearted, lazy effort at drinking less with my ready-made excuse right in my back pocket. “Who cares? It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t even trying. Doing this over and over again as I grew older was not so inconsequential. My whole life was passing me by. I was a high-functioning person, a drinker. And regardless of outward high performance, I was dying a slow suicide on the inside. It is hard to surrender, try again, ask for help, create accountability, and gather the community to bring secrets out of the dark. These were necessary steps for my success in ditching the drink. What starts as the terrifying unknown is incredibly uncomfortable. This is a great sign of growth, not failure. Everyone who has had success in sobriety started this way. Most started this way over and over again. Everyone is scared to walk into their first class on the first day of school. No one knows what to expect. It is much easier to roll in halfway through the year when you know where your desk is. You know whom you sit by. You know what to expect. You know how the teacher is. You know the agenda. You know how lazy can be. You’ve been there before. There is excitement in anticipating the new, but there is comfort in familiarity, feeling like a pro at something you’ve been doing over time. We have to start at the beginning; there is no way around it. This is how we learn.
This is how you learn and practice sobriety too. At first, it’s a lot of stretching and growing to meet milestones. It requires a lot of newnesses to start living your life without pouring alcohol on it.
It is easy to become discouraged when the desired outcomes aren’t immediate.
You feel exhausted before you feel energized. (Congratulations: that’s your body healing) You fill yourself with sugar instead of alcohol. You question if this is really better for you. (It is.) You are irritated and frustrated. A drink would wash those feelings away in an instant. Your partner doesn’t understand. They liked you better as a drinker. (Not true.) To be ultimately free from this compulsive behavior, you must resist the easy answer. The only sure defeat is to give in to the calling for a drink. Most anything of any significance will take time and effort. Sobriety is no different. We must be willing to put in the real effort over a long period of time to make it happen. You take your goal of sobriety from impossible to improbable to inevitable. You can do this. Stay the course.
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