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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Cannatown News
Wharf crews get stuck as they attempt to cleanup a corn syrup ood resulting from the Corn Palace popping all at once.
Corn Syrup, Sea Salt and More As the wave coursed way through town, it le a range of devastation in its wake. Down by the wharf, what began as popcorn was reduced to crude corn syrup that began to carmelize in the sun. It covered the loading docks and train station completely, wip- ing away dozens of buildings. Wheels, and shoes, became stuck. Onlookers compared it to walking through quicksand or ta y, and could only laugh at the expansive sight, caught up in a t of madness and hopeless despair as the economy crashed right before them. Other kernels made it down to the ocean water, but o cials warned that the sea-salted morsels were not as healthy as they are tasty. "For those people shoving it in stfuls into their mouths, just remember that it can carry SAR11, and other bacteria," said Cannatown University Germ Professor Gabby Waits. "And everyone else, we generally shouldn't be eating it o the ground. Ten second rule."
Record Setting Levels All At Once Pegged as the largest such palace in world history, an estimated 420,000 corn husks were used in construction of the palace, which featured a moat, 13 spires, full ball- room and a Denny’s. It was built for the Can- natown eTubular Festival at the beginning of summer, with a new menagerie installed for the Harvest Bowlski’s Fair. Additionally, an 840,000-husk palace with parking garage was built directly behind it, half out of spite, half from necessity, given the city’s mistake in setting the order quantity to 3 in the checkout cart online when the corn palace was rst ordered. Altogether, well over a million husks were sitting in blazing sun- light when the popcorn eruption began. “In retrospect it was probably a very large waste of corn,” said city comptroller Wendy Knight. “We probably could’ve resold a good amount directly to Cracker Barrel.” Following a record-setting summer of heat
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