worshippers are pointed to God again and again and again and again and again and again because if you don't put God at the center of the universe, your child will put himself or herself at the center of the universe and that's the one place that child must never be. That's a place for God and God alone. And some of you already are struggling with teenagers who absolutely have themselves at the center of the universe. They think that nothing in all of the world is more important than their wants, their needs, their feelings, and they are quite ready to defend themselves against any attempt to tell them that anything else is important. This is big, practical stuff, but the family is meant to be another kind of community. It's meant to be a sociological community. You say, "What does that mean?" Well, if the first point was the first great command – worship God above all else – this is the second great command. Love your neighbor as yourself. This is all about relationships. This is about our children must understand that they've been designed to live in community. They've been designed to live in self-sacrificing love of neighbor. Let me say this again. They've been designed to live in self-sacrificing love of neighbor. Now think about your house. How good are you at living as a loving community? Working in your family? Let's recognize what a great struggle it is to love. My problem is not just that I don't love my enemies. My problem is I struggle to love the people that I say I love. Think about it. I would go out when my children were still at home on Saturday and I buy doughnuts for them. They loved it and there'd be one final donut left on the tray. I've never had one of my children say this. "You know, I love doughnuts, but I find a much higher pleasure sharing this donut with one of my siblings that I love so." I didn't hear that. My children would descend into what I would call donor acquisition behavior. "Anybody still hungry? Who had the doughnut the last time?" About then, my daughter would say [who was the Philadelphia lawyer in our family], "Dad, it's not fair." I'd say, "What's not fair?" She'd say, "The last time we had doughnuts, you promised me I could have the final donut. It was six months ago, you were sitting to my left, you had a blue shirt on. It was 10:35. It was raining outside. You have just gotten up to get a cup of tea. And you said..." About then, her brother says, "It's only a doughnut, get a life," because he wants the doughnut. And as an act of distinct parental love, I eat the doughnut. Or you're running to the bathroom in the morning in that frenetic rush to get yourself ready, and you have one more thing to do in there and the door's closed. Think about your response. You have never said to yourself, "Isn't it wonderful that somebody will be ready in a timely manner?" You'll stand at the door and you'll bellow, "Who's in the bathroom," as if it's a heinous crime. Now something weird always happened in our family. No one would ever give a name. Does that happen in your family? They would say this. "Somebody's in here." I'd say, "Well, do you know him?" Or my wife and I realize many, many years ago that if our marriage was going to sustain a busy ministry life and four children, we needed to spend time outside of the house with one another. And we decided at least once a week, we'd be out of the house together and because we want to be with one another, want to be able to talk, we didn't go play golf or one-on-one basketball or something like that. We usually end up at a restaurant someplace where it was quiet, so we could just talk. And we have very similar tastes and we would often order the very same meal, same meal that had a chicken breast in it. Now this would always happen. When my meal's served, I'm served the breast of an anorexic quail and Luella's served the breast of a seriously obese turkey. I'm immediately irritated and I want to get that plate in front of me without seeming as selfish as I actually am, so I'll say something like this. "What do you think of the portions?" She never gets it. She'll say there's enough for tonight and for lunch.
Transcript: Session 2
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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