What about guilt? Oh. Mom says to her children, "I remember when your father was a happy man. It was before we had children. I mean, the poor man is beside himself. Today, he called 18 times from work, just wondering what horrible things you had done to one another during the day. He can barely concentrate on work and if he can't concentrate at work, he could lose his job. And if he loses his job, what would happen to us? Look out the window as he slugs up the driveway tonight, wondering what he's going to have to deal with." Threat, manipulation, guilt are your attempt to get changes in the heart of your child without dealing with the heart. Parents, hear this. If by your threat, if by your manipulation, if by your guilt, if by the volume of your voice and the force of your arguments, you could change the character of your child, Jesus would have never had to come. The gospel we say we believe blows that stuff away. Now here's what we're saying, that behind every behavior, there are attitudes and desires of heart. You know that before you act lovingly toward someone that love is first present in your heart. That's the way human beings respond. The behavior of fighting has something behind it. The behavior of sharing has something behind it. And so if lasting change is going to take place, you have to have lasting change take place at the heart. Hear this biblical truth. Lasting change in a human being always travels through the pathway of the heart. Lasting change in a human being always travels through the pathway of the heart. Now here's apple-nailing. What we're actually trying to do is we're trying by volume, by threat by manipulation, by guilt, by whatever other tool we can use to somehow, someway get this child to change without dealing with the direction system: the heart because I think we don't actually want to take the time that is necessary to get at issues of the heart. We're busy and we want change to be instantaneous, and we want our conversations to be brief because we want to get back to what we're doing. And so what we're actually trying to do is we're trying to fit $100.00 conversations in the dime moments and when you do that, you tend to bark orders, you tend to announce punishments and walk away. Now, do your children need the exercise of authority? Absolutely, but we must not ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish. The law reveals sin. The law has some ability to restrain sin, but the law will never deliver you from sin. Rules will not change the heart of your child. That's the whole argument of Romans. The law does not have the ability to do that and so we have to say that's not enough. Yes, those rules are needed. Yes, the authority is needed, but it must be followed by getting at heart issues. SESSION 4 There are a whole list of heart issues that cause a child to be competitive and fighting and mean and selfish. There are a whole list of heart issues that cause a child to share and to give and to serve. You see, it's quite obvious the goal of parenting is change, right? That's your goal – is progressive, long-term change in your child. And so we got to ask what does the Bible say about how change takes place? This is the only way change takes place. Let me go through these three words for you. First, confession. Confession is owning personal responsibility for my words and my behavior. Confession is owning responsibility for my words and my behavior without excuse or the blame of others. Confession is owning responsibility for my words and my behavior without excuse or blaming others. Now here's the issue. Parents, please hear me. Your children cannot confess to that which they do not see. Your children cannot confess to that which they do not see. The Bible says – give you a passage, Hebrews 3:12-13 – that sin is deceitful and guess who it deceives first? I have no problem seeing the sin of my wife and children, but I'm regularly surprised when mine is pointed out. You've got to get this. Parents, your children are spiritually blind. They do not see themselves with accuracy.
Transcript: Session 4
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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