Parents, this is not little stuff. It's big stuff because you're forming a sense of the structure that God has put in this world and you want that structure to be clear. And so even in the most fun moments at the beach, you must still be "mom and dad", and they must still be "kid". And that structure – see my hands? – must travel wherever you go. You don't get out of that structure because you never know on the beach when – what? – you'll have to step into that authority role in a specific way. That's difficult if you've given it away all day and all of a sudden, you change roles. That's confusing to your child because after a while, they don't know who you are. It's very, very stressful for a child to wake up in the morning and not know whether I'm going to get the "buddy mom" or the "parent mom" today. That creates all kinds of insecurity and, ultimately, bitterness because it feels like a bait and switch. You want those lines to be clear to the child. The child shouldn't give you commands. Look at how authority works. Look here. You command down, you will appeal up, isn't it right? If you have a boss, you don't go in and tell your boss what to do. If you think he needs to be involved in some initiative, you appeal to him for that. That's a natural recognition of his authority. Now he has the right to command you because he's your authority. That structure needs to be in your relationship with your child at this age. Little Jimmy comes home and he says to his mom, "Get me a sandwich, I'm hungry." He's five years old. He's been in kindergarten. What should mommy say? "Jimmy there's a problem here. What do you think it is?"
"I've told you what to do."
"That's right, Jimmy. You have and when you tell me what to do, what are you being?"
"I'm being the daddy of mommy."
"That's right."
"Is that the position God wants you in?"
"No, it's not."
"Well say it again a different way."
"Mommy, would you please make me a sandwich?"
You throw your arms around little Jimmy and say, "Jimmy, I'd love to make you a sandwich. I love to provide for you. I love when your tummy is full, but you must not command mommy because if you do that, then you're not living under God's protection. You need mommy's authority." Now, what's happening is this little heart is giving away autonomy and beginning to see the beauty of submission. Wouldn't it be nice to have a teenager at 16 years old who wouldn't think of looking in your face and saying no, not because he scared to death of you, but because he now esteems authority. Listen, that's possible. That's possible. These are important issues and those little conversations are steps in a direction that you need to take, so this child understands the kind of world that he lives in and his role and the need of authority and that somehow, even if he reaches the highest position of authority a human being could live in, he's still under God's authority. He will always live under authority. Oh, here's a second lie. The first one was autonomy. The second is self-sufficiency. Autonomy says "I have the right to choose what I want to do with my life". Self-sufficiency says "I have everything inside of myself to be when I'm supposed to be and to do what I'm supposed to do". Self-sufficiency says "I have everything within myself to be what I'm supposed to be and to do what I'm supposed to do".
Hear this. We are not self-sufficient human beings. We were created with inborn dependency, ultimately
Transcript: Session 5
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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