What are you working on? Character is costly. What did it cost Jesus? As He was on that cross, He was on the cross as sovereign God Almighty. The Bible said He could have called down legions of angels, but that would have been an act of what? Selfishness and He chose a better way. Praise Him. This is big stuff. There's no better place to teach and form character than in a home because all the struggles of idolatry and worship, all the struggles of community, all the struggles of everyday character issues are just going to be there. They're going to be there for you to see. There's not a day that you will go through that you don't see those in some way. Capture those opportunities. Now there's three particular perspectives that you always want to be evaluating that tell you how this child is doing. These are three fundamental relationships of life that define what character looks like. First one is your child's relationship with God. Ask yourself the question, "What do I see there? Do I see any evidence of love of God, a hunger to know God better, a desire to know the Bible, a willingness and joy to go to Sunday school, a desire to be in worship?" May be even the beginnings of some personal devotions. It's great when you see a child with his Bible open struggling to read through a psalm that they don't really understand, but there's been something going on inside of them. What a beautiful thing. How is your child doing with respect to God? That is the question of questions because if God is not in His rightful place, nothing else will be in its rightful place. What's going on there? What are you sensing? What are you seeing? The child fight you when you sit down to have family worship? The child make a scene because they don't really want to go to church? Do they not want to be with Christian friends? Do they not value the fact that you want to go to a small group? What is going on in terms of that child's heart and relationship with God? Second relationship, your child and himself. Does he or she hold him- or herself to high standards? Not your standards, their standards. Or are they self-excusing, self-rationalizing, self-atoning, self-swindling? Do they take personal responsibility seriously, they get their job description? And for example, homework. Do you have to stand above this child and virtually do their homework for them? Parents, don't do your homework for them. Failure may be a necessary pathway to the development of character. There are parents in this room – I get it because I was an educator – who you are tempted to virtually do the homework for the child because you are more concerned about this educational achievement than you are about character development. And you are allowing your child to develop patterns of irresponsibility. Guess what happens when they get to college? You'll wonder why this National Honor Society child is now barely passing because they're going to school by themselves for once. It's not a tandem thing anymore. For some kids, being in school is like riding a tandem bike with their parents. They know they can get away without pedaling and the bike will still go because mom and dad will keep going. That's not developing character. And so, how does this child treat his possessions? Is he thankful? Is she a good steward of what she's been given? Is the child allowing him- or herself to be all too me-focused? The development of fundamental long term diva-ism, this kid who wants to be in charge of everything, who makes [inaudible], who gets attention? So how is he relating to himself? How is he viewing himself? Does he think he's doing much better than he's actually doing? Does he have an accurate view or distorted view of himself? Does he think he's more mature than he actually is? So that is a very, very important part of character. And then, you know what the third relationship is. It's your child and others, that whole world of relationships. Is he a peacemaker or does conflict go wherever this child goes? Does he serve people or is he more on the relational demanding side, the relational entitlement side than the relational giving and serving side? Do you get good reports when he's out there with other people or not so good reports? Do people love to have your child in their home or not? Does does he encourage other people or is he a name-caller, a put-downer? Is he a bully or is she compassionate, feels when other people are uncomfortable and needy?
See, this is a time when it's character, character, character. You don't want the first real consideration of character
Transcript: Session 8
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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