Is it possible that parents are using SUVs to drive their children deep into the wilderness to feed them to wolves? chance to look at my fellow Americans while they’re doing what most defines us as Americans – being stuck in a traffic jam. And what a land of equal opportunity this is! Seeing hundreds of my fellow countrymen in their cars makes it clear that, in America, no one is too intellectually challenged, differently abled, emotionally fragile, beset by anger management issues, encumbered by dementia, or burdened by obsessive-compulsive disorders involving personal communications devices, burritos, and Grande caffè lattes to have a car. (And – presumably – a driver’s license.) There may be discrimination in this country, but not on the highways. It’s better for everyone that these people are stuck in traffic – you don’t want them at home. Traffic jams ensure they’ll never get there. And the cars are interesting. Pickup trucks have grown enormous. They’re full-size, four- door luxury sedans except as tall as a house and with doorsills so high that you have to stand on a Prius to get inside. What are these pickup truck drivers picking up? The pickup beds are the width and depth of a backyard above-ground pool, and there’s never anything in them. Yet, in the next lane over, there will be a
Fiat 500 with a mattress and a box spring bungee-corded to the roof, a back seat full of moving cartons and kitchen appliances, and a sectional couch hanging out of the hatchback. Do we need to introduce these folks to each other? Also, where did minivans go? You see fewer and fewer of them. Almost every family used to have a minivan. They’re inexpensive and space-efficient with room for six or eight kids in the back and all of their skateboards, terrain park skis, mountain bikes, lacrosse sticks, and a regulation soccer goal net. But minivans seem to have been replaced by much more expensive and much less space-efficient SUVs with the kind of off- road capability I had no idea that ordinary parents needed. We know America’s average family size is getting smaller. Is it possible that parents are using SUVs to drive their children deep into the wilderness to feed them to wolves?
SUBURBAN SPRAWL – BEAUTY IS IN THE ME OF THE BEHOLDER
I like suburban sprawl because it all looks alike. When we leave our rural home and “go into town,” we go to a commercial strip on Rt. 101A in Nashua, New Hampshire. It looks exactly like every other commercial strip in America – same big box stores, gas stations, franchise restaurants, car dealerships, vape shops, nail salons, and hairdressing establishments with “funny” names... Curl Up & Dye.
American Consequences
39
Made with FlippingBook - professional solution for displaying marketing and sales documents online