Things to Remember…
WHEN YOUR PARENT IS THE PATIENT
WHEN THE PATIENT IS YOUR CHILD
Although you will always be “the child” in the eyes of your parents, sometimes it becomes necessary for your roles to change. Finances, insurance, nursing homes and home health care are just a few of the difficult topics that will need to be discussed. Another area of concern is the ability, or lack thereof, of the parent to maintain independence. Whether it is regarding driving, shopping, living alone or decision making, the parent will likely feel angry and as if their rights are being taken away. Don’t take this anger personally. Try not to argue with your parent — or humor him, either. Simply acknowledge his feelings: “I’m sorry you are feeling that way…”. The parent may also be overcome with guilt as they watch their children become their caregivers. Facing a life-limiting illness can be a lonely process. Reassure your parent that he/she is not alone, and that you will be a solid source of support throughout this process.
Everyone agrees that parents are not supposed to outlive their children. Nothing will erase the pain and anguish that a parent will experience while caring for their child with cancer. Anger and guilt may overwhelm you at times so it will be important to share your feelings with your partner, your loved ones and maybe even a mental health professional. The dual role of being a parent and a caregiver can be physically and emotionally draining, so take all the help you can get during this time. Sharing stories, looking through old photos and simply spending time together may help ease some of the pain you are experiencing. Encourage honest communication about the disease process, how your child is handling their diagnosis, and how it has affected his/her life. Oftentimes, the patient will try to protect their parent/caregiver by stifling their thoughts and feelings. They may make statements, ask questions, or display behavior that indirectly reflects how they are feeling. Look for these cues, and try to create a safe and loving space for honest dialogue. Allow them to grieve for their losses.
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