3. Understand your responses to these triggers. What do you do when X happens? Why did you respond in that way? Is this an expected reaction? Would others respond in this same way given similar circumstances? Would you like to respond differently, more adaptively? It is important this is done in a non-judgmental manner that is free from shame. Remember, you are working toward understanding yourself and your patterns of behavior better. This process is not about cultivating shame or breeding guilt. 4. Develop a hypothesis. Brainstorm the underlying reason behind your behavior patterns, triggers, and responses. When did this start? When do you remember thinking this thought? What is your earliest memory tying you to this particular emotional, mental, or behavioral reaction? How did others treat you in those moments? What messages are you telling yourself about this person, situation, or event? (A mental health professional can also help you with this process.) 5. Is this belief or behavior serving you? Be honest and ask yourself whether holding on to this pattern of behavior and engaging in this cycle is serving you? Are you a better human being because of it or does it deplete and chip away at you? Following Dr. Lockhart’s steps will help establish some of the root causes and understand what contributes to the repetition of cycles. From there you can begin to address these triggers or behaviors and unlearn the things that are holding you back. A final tip for breaking cycles is to be patient. There will not be an overnight change and to believe so is a setup for failure. Although we are programmed for instant gratification, making significant life changes does not happen quickly, there is much work to break cycles, and it will require an extended time of reinforcement. Be easy and forgiving of yourself, as there will be times in the beginning of your efforts that you may slip into old behaviors and responses. But don’t lose hope. As long as you are aware and adjust, you will be able to completely break a cycle little by little. Whether it be alcohol, bad spending habits, overeating, or the many other things that can trap us into unhealthy cycles, remember and continue to tell yourself, “there’s a better life, there’s a better life.”
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