mundane (“being lactose intolerant but still eating bagels with cream cheese”) to the complex (“conversations with other Jewish people my age about difficult relationships with their parents, especially other grand- children of Holocaust survivors”). “Understanding how common my ex- periences are amongst other Jewish peo- ple has truly been the best part,” she says. “The Jewish community in Toronto has been exceptionally welcoming, and I think that’s because of my story.” Existing outside of Jewishness — not just in terms of any visual parameters but of community, religion, or family — can feel incredibly isolating when you’re still strug- gling to define its role in your life. For me, not presenting as Jewish meant I witnessed colleagues making antisemitic comments, but it also meant I wasn’t “really Jewish” to my friend who had had his bar mitzvah. The child of an interfaith marriage, in my family Rosh Hashanah, Hanukkah, and Passover were celebrated the same way as Christmas and Easter: annually, without fail, but secularly. No one outside my fam- ily saw me as Jewish, so for me there was never a Jewish community; there was only my Jewish mother. Ten years ago, I discovered a secret manuscript written by my late grandfather who was a German Holocaust survivor. After spending several years exploring his story and discussing it with my mom, I felt more of a connection to being Jewish than ever before. I started talking to my young children about our family history —how they’re Jewish because I am—and felt compelled to introduce them to some Jewish traditions. When my mother died, four years ago, I lost my strongest link to Judaism. She was the one I called when I needed the brisket recipe she knew by heart. She was the one I sent pictures of my latke successes and failures. She was the one who introduced my children to Hanukkah and recited the blessings as we lit the candles. I find myself reaching toward my Jew- ish identity now as a way to keep her mem- ory alive, because Jewishness is where my mother still lives. After speaking with Ella Cooper, Kate Gardner, and the many other participants in this project, though, I’ve seen parts of my own journey mirrored in their experiences. When I see their faces in these photos, I feel a little less invisible, too.
KATE
I WASN’T RAISED JEWISH. I was essentially told I wasn’t Jewish, and I didn’t look Jew- ish. But I do want to acknowl- edge it’s a privilege to decide how Jewish we show up, espe- cially right now. The activism is too much for me right now, so that’s where I feel like I’m playing the chameleon a little bit, and I guess recognizing the privilege that we have of choosing not to show up as a Jew sometimes, and just kind of going on with our day.
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