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My title for this essay came out looking a little more ominous than I intended. Sorry. But you know what I mean. The mortality rate of COVID-19 is no laughing matter, but after a month of home lockdown, the risk that a lot of people could die of boredom is... no laughing matter either. I’m not an expert in epidemiology, but I am an expert in boredom. I’m a major producer – as my family can attest, especially during my dinnertime rants. (No one has actually said , “One more word about Elizabeth Warren and you’re getting the tuna casserole right in the face.” But I can see the look in their eyes.) And I’m also a major consumer of boredom. I’ve been “working” from home for decades. Work from home is – as so many of you readers have found lately – just like regular working except you have to be your own workplace pal. (“I’m making a fresh pot of coffee. Would I like some? I’ll bring me a cup. I take it with half-and-half and no sugar, right?”) You also have to be your own workplace rival. (“I can’t believe I think I deserve a raise. If I were me, I’d fire my dumb ass.”)
The mortality rate of COVID-19 is no laughing matter, but after a month of home lockdown, the risk that a lot of people could die of boredom is... no laughing matter either. But a word of warning... If you’ve got little children around the house, don’t give into the temptation to play hide and seek and then not look for them. This is just mean (unless you provide them with ample sugary snacks). My dad had an alternative that provided comparable Plus, the only person you have to gossip with at the office water cooler (aka kitchen sink) is yourself. (“So, what I heard from myself is... But don’t let me know that I heard it from me...”) Therefore, when it comes to boredom, my family naturally expects me to lead the way. “Dad can bore us!” And I’ve been doing a darn good job so far. Perhaps I can help the reader bore his or her family too.
American Consequences
83
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