HIGH-FUNCTIONING, LOW-WELLBEING:
THE MOMS WHO LOOK FINE BUT AREN’T BY AMANDA CIANI PHOTO BY UNSPLASH.COM
S crolling through social media, full face of makeup, simply sneezing out her baby. Later footage reveals the new mama being rolled out of the hospital with her new bundle of joy and what… a magically, perfectly flat stomach?! In everyday life, you may find a version of this mom wearing cute athleisure sets, jetting from this practice to the next with her kids (always managing to be on time, too!), and packing healthy snacks. She also somehow manages to show up to every class party, field trip, and volunteer for all of the school events. How does she do it?! In all honesty, it is really easy to get swept up in the hype of the perfect mom persona and feel “less than.” Despite the facade that some people really do have it all, it is so important for moms to know that perfect does not exist and that if you’re doing your best, you are the best. it doesn’t take long to find an influencer in an L&D unit with styled hair and a TOXIC COMPARISONS But do we believe we are the best? Even the most “with-it,”“perfect” mom is most likely comparing herself to someone who she feels is somehow doing an even better job of jug- gling it all than her! Author of RESTLESS: How to Stop Living An If-Only Life, Kristen Mosier, LMFT, explains, “Through social media, we’re exposed to a constant stream of prompts urging us toward self-betterment, whether it’s aimed at our appearance, our health, or our parenting.” She adds, “We make compari- sons based on finances, social engagements, relationship status, travel, personal qualities, physical attributes, and more.” She concludes, “There’s always a better, more correct, or more effective way to parent… we can never
quite keep up.” Even those we deem “the best” are comparing themselves to someone they believe is doing it better. And those moms who appear to be high-functioning may be low on well-being! It is toxic, relent- less, and tiring. THE MIRAGE Moms who project perfection do exist. We’ve all seen them. But the truth is that we are mere observers of anyone’s life that is not our own. Mosier elaborates, “Social media puts our lives on display for the world and offers us increasingly unrealistic standards of comparison as influencers edit, filter, and curate their way to a ‘perfect’ life.”To clarify: The perfect mom you see on social media doesn’t really exist all of the time, and you are only seeing a very small percentage of that perfect neighborhood mom’s life. Just because a mom appears to have it all, doesn’t mean she really does, and furthermore, it doesn’t mean she feels like she has it all, either. That mom may be smiling during the car line and burst into tears on the drive home. She is probably down right exhausted because… aren’t we all? THE REALITY Yes, being a mom is hard (and rewarding!) work. While there are some obvious physi- cal factors like lugging diaper bags around, getting the stroller into the back of the van, and having a child on your hip, the invisi- ble mental load of being everyone’s go-to person for everything—and the keeper of all dates and appointments—can be even more exhausting! So while the “with-it” mom may appear energized, glamorous, and “Best Mom” award-worthy, try not to compare the
camera-ready, tiny snippets of a 24-hour day you see with your everyday mundane.
“If she appears to have it together, no one will see her as weak, needy, or ungrateful for the life she worked hard to build,” notes Mosier, “Yet, two things can be true. We can be grate- ful for what we have and still feel restless, overwhelmed, or even despairing at times.” The reality is that at the end of the night, being the chef, chauffeur, nurse, therapist, secretary, etc. is tiring; and when our heads hit the pillow, we still manage to make time to worry if we are doing enough to be the best mom, wife, worker, friend, etc. BREAKING THE CYCLE It takes a village, as they say, and friends become the family we choose. A support network that is also in the thick of parent- hood can help forge a community in which to gain support and maybe do a little venting, too. Mosier echoes, “Having other moms to commiserate with isn’t just fun, it’s integral. It helps us normalize the extreme range of emotions so common to parenting, lets us laugh and cry about it together. And when we share our struggles, it gives other moms permission to do the same.” Realizing we are all conductors of our own little hot mess express trains is truly a thing of beauty. But sometimes the pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. With mental health awareness being commonplace, it is reassuring to know that it is okay to ask for help, too. Whether you are a mom trying to be perfect, or a mom who thinks she’s not doing enough, at the end of the day, parenting is messy for all of us, even for the moms who avoid the
18 MAY 2026 | CINCINNATIFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM
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